your hand grasping mine weakly
plunging deeper in darkness' abyss
seeping through the cracks, my light can't penetrate
in utter disbelief, an unfortunate realization;

-you can't be fixed for i was merely your temporary fix not your medicine

romeo,
i've forgotten where we met
i think it was at some party?
you were with your friends that night and you were just someone who caught my fascination that time
the next thing i know your face was lit up from laughing at a lame *** joke i told that you deemed witty
and the night went on, we got in your car and drove aimlessly
there's a mixtape you made playing in the background- later on i found out that was your way of introducing me to your favorite bands
my heart badly wanted to get out of my chest the whole time- it was so loud inside, knocked up by all the anxious flutter you sent unknowingly through me, the weariness i had from willingly entering a stranger's car gradually melted
i was relieved that we actually had a conversation despite it being casual and light
i remember the way your eyes glimpsed at me as i got out of your car
and not even ten minutes have passed when you sent me a text saying, good night sleep tight
but i didn't really catch sleep not until it was 4 in the morning, an hour after i finally calmed down the slightest bit
and we took it from there and all the moments we've had are tenants in the hotel rooms tucked in the lone corner of my brain (i keep coming back to them)
it was all too fast and i was falling and it just couldn't be because what if i havent gotten in your car that night
if this wasnt written by the stars or some great force but just black ink over the lines of some doomed fate?
and it doesn't make sense and history repeats itself and everyone knows this is a tragedy where you'll come after me and it'll be the end of the both of us
i had to leave
i had to save you
because this was never supposed to happen
it's supposed to be romeo and rosaline or some other girl
but right now you probably found your rosaline in a pack and a bottle in your hands
and im sorry for causing you pain; you dont deserve to hurt

now i remember:

it is east where we met;

but quite frankly i am not the sun
-juliet

He use to get nervous when she would talk to him. He feared rejection and how she viewed him and seen him differently. He always dated the wrong women but with her things felt right. He never trusted his gut when it came to giving his heart to others. He was weird and different part of his charm. He cared for people even though they never treated him right or fair. He was always positive how he seen the world looked for good when most things were bad or went wrong. He would mind his business and did his own thing. He would worry for others but they didn't want to be helped or saved he prayed for them even though he wasn't a priority his friendship was an option even though it would be turned down because everyone got older focused on relationships or getting married plus having kids. He wanted that life but it was not the time. He wanted to make the most of life and enjoy his youth while time passed it would slip away.
He was not driven by money but did want to make a career and money off what he loved. People always inspired him or made him be more because he can't do it all by himself.

Haven't been writing as much but reading more need to be more vivid with details that make the reader use their five sense and be able to see what I'm talking about. I'm currently appreciating  the humor in freaks and geeks has James Franco and Seth Rogan they are an awesome team I like their chemistry so fresh and organic. It cracks me up how social awkward people can be but sometimes it's just a natural thing for some. The more I read the voice in my head thinks of how it should be said and the tone. I'd like to do more comedy but I think silence will make it more intense than funny. It's easy to be honest and find humor in well thought out stuff. It can be complicated since people don't look for funny in the bad or tough times. I don't like to let bad ruin my good time or make the fun lose it's value. Times have changed what's new growing up is now a classic or oldie time has flown by. Learned to embrace age gray hair and chubs looking in the mirror seeing more wrinkles and dark circles around my eyes no matter how much sleep I get. What bugs you or gets on your nerves you let go of speak the truth makes me feel great because I don't need to be liked because most of the people I like don't like me behind my back but if I don't like them I do it to their face. Not into fake people anymore I don't need to I press or prove myself to anyone just myself and I could be my own nightmare to deal with

He got tired of social media and picked up books he started. It was time to finish them without any distractions. He reached out to people they left him hanging. He didn't take it personal but realized he was different and not like everyone else. He loved reading he even turned his tv off he loved his shows too but it wasn't stimulating his mind. He didn't always fit in but he always did what made him happy. He learned so much about himself over the past couple of years. He didn't make resolutions but everyday told himself be better don't settle.
He made his world better he always wanted to share it but the world of dating was like a shallow puddle of mud he dared not go there. He was a hopeless romantic but the romance he encountered lately made him feel hopeless. He was a late bloomer but willing to try. He never based the new off the old always seen it as new and a clean slate. He didn't want a movie romance it came close but like all movies it comes to an end.
He had great social skills but so many lost in their phone texting or pretending to be important when you see the reality the internet use to be a place to escape reality but everyone make the social network the reality. People don't communicate and their are so many ways to keep contact.
He loved his family but to lower yourself and be ridiculed to accepted was not the way to go so he learned to go without he wanted to be his own person. He dreamed big and did way more than his siblings but didn't take praise or hang on to a moment but was ready to make it happen in whatever he was doing. He didn't want to like or be like them everything he did they criticized him and it angered him but later everyone else would do the same he was annoyed how the doubled standards made him out to be the bad guy. How his way was wrong but the credit was given when someone else did what he was already doing.

Things are well for once all the negative people are gone he was on his path and was determined to make it to the next level. He didn't ask or want others influence because in his mind he had the plan and vision in his head even if the outcome did not come out accordingly. He learned to love himself and put his needs first. Things were better figuring out what he wanted building up confidence and courage to make his decision without others throwing their monkey wrench into his plans. He found passion in what he loves! Not worried if it was cool all that mattered was it made him happy. He had promised himself to be happy and let go of the past that kept surfacing because it was history and no longer mattered. He did change for people some for good and others didn't appreciate the sacrifice so it became for himself. The women that claimed to love him but with someone else he was not one to move on so ****** but did learn they are gone not coming back so no point in waiting around. He had many friends he valued deeply but they bad mouth him or holding a grudge because he called them out he was a good friend that told the truth. He would not be fake or a friend if he did lie.

Take my name from your lips
As I have done yours.
No more will I allow your words, bitter and grating
To tear my skin and reach my bones
No longer will I lay crumpled
As though my body is pierced and my soul pouring
like blood from a slaughtered lamb.
No longer will your actions yield response.
I am done.