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  Oct 2015 Fel
vanessa
9/18/09

The Boy With the Birthmark on His Right Lower Calf

1/7/10 8:36 pm
The first boy that left me was my first love, he was the first boy who ever called me beautiful and he made me feel that way for about 3 and a half months until the distance became to much to bare, but we kept in touch for about 5 years so I guess you can say it never really ended because the pull of our hearts still happen to burn for each other every now and again, he is one for the books because he's never walked away from me he's stood by me through countless arguments, but I think we will always be connected. He taught me what it's like to fall in love unfortunately he didn't teach me how to stop falling face first onto cold hard gravel because now that he has someone new, I'm completely off the rails. I hope he comes back and saves me soon. He is the only boy I can't ever seem to get enough of, he is like a drug, the minute he touches me my veins fill with a substance of desire and my heart speeds up to about ten beats a minute and all this proceeds to happen within mire seconds of reconnecting I can't even begin to describe how it's been these past 5 years still being able to get that same rush around that boy--and only that boy. He is a drug I would gladly overdose on.

6/20/13

The Boy With the Cold Heart & the Four Glass Eyes

9/3/13 10:45 pm
The second boy that left me was no where near as beautiful as the first but he was one for deep talks and insecure walks. He told me what he hated about himself and how self-conscious he really was, that before he became "Mr. Player" he was a loser who always felt alone. His body was not beautiful he was destruction at its finest, his skin stretched and felt like scratching cold silver, in all respects he was quite a disgusting filth though at the time I found him to be made out of gold but I was dead wrong for he was the worse kind of killer-- a true sociopath if you ask me but I mean what do I know I'm a ****** right? Although the only thing he wanted was to toy with me and trick me into trusting the devil, granted I should have never gotten involved with him in the first place, because he truly tore me to shreds and he was still a baby so maybe that's why things ended badly between us, because even though I was naive then, he's still quite immature, I wish I could say he's changed but he hasn't.

12/6/13

The Boy Who Made Me Feel Alive Again

12/27/13 1:08 pm
The third boy that left me, well unlike the second boy he didn't do damage he actually did magic by gently outlining the curvature of my spine and liking the thoughts inside my head before we ever even came face to face, he knew me through words and kissed me like he held a secret between his lips. He didn't like books but he liked my thoughts on paper and he listened quite intently, so I guess that was enough. I noted little details when we walked home in the dark, like the fact that he lit up whenever I spoke and he always looked me dead in the eye, however neither of us had been murdered. Or the way he sounded when he told me about his life, or even the fact that he'd risk injury from oncoming traffic because of his fearless physique, maybe he was just trying to impress me but these are a few things that were beautiful  about this boy. But yet again, happiness in the form of Father Time only stands at my doorstep for a month or so because on the 27th on the coldest month of the year he walked out without even a proper goodbye.

*(vm)
Fel Jul 2015
Yours is a dead end, but it's the only path I want to take
Fel Jul 2015
Sometimes I wish we were complete strangers
That you only remained to be the quiet kid with the ******* haircut
And that I never told you my secrets
Or anything about my life

Sometimes I wish you haven't heard my stories
That you wouldn't be able to finish some of my tales
And that I never heard any of yours
Or met your family

Sometimes I wish I could just go away
That I could leave you to your own devices, no bother from me
And that you wouldn't have to worry about including me
Or even listen to what I say
And sometimes I wish I could finish a thought about you without finding a block
  May 2015 Fel
AK Bright
She looks in the mirror
At the age on her face
"I wonder what he thinks
of me this way?"

She considers her weight
and the pores on her skin
She thinks out loud
"I don't deserve him."

She picks apart
the woman he loves
Separating her worth
from all that she does
              
He looks in her eyes
and caresses her face
He sees it glowing with love
and full of grace

 The lines on her face
  he views with pride
  Recounting the victories
  each time they've been tried

The weight that she carries
 is that of a mom
 Nothing's too heavy
 She just marches on

These bodies will perish
 and mirrors offer no truth
True love abides
 beyond the corridors of youth

  No, she doesn't deserve me
  Perhaps God can see
  Conceivably, one day
  I'll be as worthy as she
to the mother of my children. Happy Mother's Day!
  May 2015 Fel
Arlo Disarray
Why am I so hateful?

Because I'm alone.

Why am I alone?


Because I'm so hateful.
Fel May 2015
In English there is a kid named Josh
As a lifeguard he goes splishy splosh
An old man dropped his gown
His smile turned upside down
What he saw made him say, "Oh my gosh!"
Written by my partner in English class, Austin.
Fel Mar 2015
Hey. I just woke up from a dream that you didn't particularly star in but when I woke up it was amazing that you were the first thing to pop into my head and it was crazy that the dream was spot on with a dilemma I will have to face soon and that is leaving you because as much as I do not want this to happen it surely will in over a year I will be graduating and I will be moving on with my life and you will still be in school and moving on with your life but the difference here is we won't be near anymore and that's the scary part because our future it isn't solid it isn't certain and I can't be sure that when we both have to move on that we will be as close as we are now but perhaps that is a good thing cause I've been thinking that maybe you're a dead end a dud a match that won't light and I'm the idiot that won't stop trying and maybe it's just time I need for your heart to start working the wonder of love or for mine to work the wonder of forget but whatever it is leaving is the natural process and there is a cure to my predicament and that is to never lose contact and be near always as much as we are now but then again this future of ours is not set in stone so what is the chance of you actually wanting that? Closer to none than anything else, but at this point I have yet to know. I miss you and although I'll be seeing you tomorrow I won't stop thinking about this and how I don't want this to happen. We will surely have to discuss this across the lunch table and perhaps I can grab your attention from that stupid game on your phone and maybe you'll listen when I tell you tears came when I woke up from this dream and perhaps you'll remember my emotion when we dye the shirts and maybe you'll do the thing I've been waiting for on Saturday and a future then can be discernible. Right now my mind is ******* and I can't think anymore so goodnight, I love you.
Is it weird I keep having dreams like this and whenever I wake up my first thought is you?
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