I want nothing from the world for it owes me nothing
I want only to exist
In the simplicity of the vast wilderness
I want my heart
And my soul to be like the wilderness
Free
Untamed
Wild and alive

I want to be alive everywhere and absorb all the beauty and wonder of it all
Embrace
Embody
Reflect
And return it back to its keeper
The flowers
The ocean
The soil
All of it.
I want to become my mother
The earth.
I want the stars to teach me all they know
I want the sun to wake me
and tell me when I should rest
I want the forest roots to guide me
The birds to sing me the songs
of the world
I want to feel spring water against my skin
I want to feel the unadulterated dirt of the earth against my feet
I want nature to heal me
Detoxify me from mans creations
the material world
I want the wind to tell me her secrets and bring me all of her wisdom
I want all of the universes' intangibilities.
I want to scream.
I want to be anonymous
I want not to be tainted by the small realm that confines me
I want never to forget the scale of the universe and
Remember that I too am a star
A toxic
Intangible
Ball of stardust
A wonder of creation
Floating in a inexhaustible,
eternal sea

lets go to our home in the hills
the mountains we love
lets hold hands through the valley
and sleep together in the trees
pick flowers for me on our way up
tell me you love me when the sunsets
and at the end of our journey
our journey to the home we've created
the place where we'll stay
tell me you'll never leave me

It hurts
Looking back at what I had
It hurts
Knowing that I am getting worse
It hurts
Understanding grown up things
It hurts
Standing on the scale
It hurts
When words drip from your skin
It hurts
To live with a mask
It hurts when everyone tells you that you need help but help only makes things worse.

Since my puppy died I decided that I need to start living more
For her
I know that's bazare because it was just a dog. She wasn't though.
She was the reason I fell asleep
The reason I didn't go through with plans
She helped me calm down
My best friend
I know its sad and pathetic that a dog was my best friend
I don't care though
Cause watching her paw go slowly limp
Holding her white fluffy fur for the last time
It was heartbreaking
It broke something
But it also flipped a switch
I need to learn to be okay with myself
Cause you never know who is going to leave or when they will
But when they do
You need to still be okay.

Are you okay?
You just look dark
The sparkle in you seems gone
I don't know
You're not the same
You're empty
But full of something
The terror of something is seeping out of your eyes, its replacing the light that was there
I don't know if I can help
I get glimpses of who you were
Of who you are
I don't know where you went
Please come back
I don't like this new you anymore.

Here I am again
Sitting against the door
Shaking hands
Shaking chin
Water splashing on the floor
I try so hard to calm back down
Make the monsters run away
I never invited them over
They just barged in and demanded to play
I thought I locked them out for good
I was happy again
Until now
Now I hear them calling me out
No ignoring them anymore
So here is what I have to choose
My poison
Number one or two?
Both will **** you
But which kind do you want?
Neither? Well that's too bad cause you're picking one up.

It all makes perfect chaos
How the shadows light up my face
The moon hates me
It tells me to **** myself
Depression works for the moon
They have an unhealthy obsession with me
Depression holds me captive at night until the moon says to let me go cause the sun starts to glare in.
The sun used to save me
Bring back my smile
But the night never leaves anymore
I try to ignore it.
But its hard to ignore something that has consumed you.
I'm scared.
What I'm going to do to myself.