I heard you cry
I heard you call my name
I heard your sigh
Echo its sad refrain

I felt your tears
As they dropped down on me
I felt your fears
Of what, had come to be

I heard you cry
I felt you kiss my lips
I don’t know why
Love has to hurt like this

I felt your pain
As you held on to me
It’s hard I know
To let me go
You loved me so
Now you must, set me free

I heard you weep
As you put down my hand
Our lives we keep
Like footprints in the sand

Imprints of love
We share along our way
Then disappear
As tides wash them away

I heard you cry
I felt you kiss my lips
I don’t know why
Life has to end like this

Just loneliness
Longing for what had been
Those days are gone
You must go on
Think of us when
We are together again

My darling please don’t cry
Someday we all must die
I go to take my place
Wait there for your embrace
So wipe those tears away
We’ll meet again someday
And start our life anew
There I will wait for you
BOEMS BY JA 419

there's no longer enough sleeping
medication to put me to sleep for a couple
of hours
the doses aren't strong enough to knock
me out of staring at my fears on the
blank ceiling
toss
turn
bury my head
check my phone
repeat
i still can't escape the fears
the ones that i make up in my head
and the ones that happened once before
my biggest fear?
losing you again
but i believe you when you say
you're not going anywhere this time
and knowing that puts me to ease tonight

I want to find
pure happiness
on the mariana's trench
deep with all of the other
shipwrecks like myself
The ones who couldn't hold
it together even when the water
was calm

I want to find serenity
between the tetonic plates
where the two continents
were separated
like two souls on a
bone chilling winter night
like you and I were
when I saw the glimmer in
your eye fade away
a star died that day,
did you know?
I named all the prettiest
ones after you
3,888 stars
one dying every
day

You're never really
told about how to deal
with loss.
"You'll be okay."
what is okay?
I never really learned
what "okay" was. The
first time I heard okay escape from
someone's lips was when my mom
began accepting her failing marriage
and asked how she felt.
"Okay".
**** that word to hell.

All of the people I tried to fix ended up being open cases
That the judge would skim though and laugh at
You can tell a lot from the bags under people's eyes
and how the light glimmers in their eye when they hear the words 'thank you'

Momma always told me that I was one to try and fix the impossible
I found comfort in the word "thank you"
and drowned in the words
"you can't fix everyone"
the second I see a broken soul, like a magnet
I am a positive to a negative
playing devils advocate without the devils sign off

I fall for the ones who say I remind them of their angel figure in their life
I fall for the ones who can quickly resemble my parents failing marriage
I'm my mothers daughter,
I am a dreamer, an unconditional lover
I believe in the ones who don't need believing
I am my mental health's own worst enemy.

I guess I take after my mother. The way she walks, talks, screams and disintegrates.
It's not fair, I didn't ask for the comforting feeling of falling off a 300 foot building just to land face first at my dinner table.
And my hand writing looks like an etch a sketch trying to paint a picture of how we're still holding this family together. But it all falls apart so quickly if I give it a shake.

If you cut me in half you could count my scars like a tree stump. And they branch out with my misfortunes hanging on like leaves.
I'd do anything to cut down my family tree
Or for my mother to even hear me speak.
If I could I'd take my fist through my her voice box and wash her brain cells with rubber gloves and dish soap.
If I could just cleanse her ears with my screams.
How could I take after her when I'm the only one that's listening?

You ever wonder what it would be like for your own mother to find you in your room with dangling from your ceiling fan?
I know it's selfish but I can't go one ******* night without thinking about what would happen if I blew a red light
I am already two feet planted at the edge of the roof of a 17 story building shaped like the home I grew up in. Each floor is a year of my life I never got back.
The voices in my head saying "don't do it! don't jump" But I've already reached the ground before I even stepped off the ledge. Nothing's different.
I'd ask to stay home sick but they don't have a thermometer to measure the amount of love you're deficient of.
And they don't have a cure for neglect.
I didn't ask to be born with self destruction
Or to have to make friends with all of my grudges.
They're shaped like the ones that have raised me.
But they never left me less than empty.

My father and I joke about ending it all, we laugh in unison but I know that we both know neither one of us is joking.
If he died he would die in my closet, with the skeletons that kept me alive.
They'll bury him with my secrets that didn't **** me but kept me dead inside.
And in his eulogy I will concoct up a swarm of lies to commemorate his broken promises.
But he can rest with an clear conscious knowing my I'll live the rest of my life pretending to not be haunted.

If this family was a time capsule I would put in a letter to my father every single time he wasn't there to tell me to believe.
So I can open it 10 years later and remember that the fault here wasn't mine to keep
I hope your mistakes sing you to sleep every night you never did for me.
And every nightmare causes your eyes to bleed because every single time that I needed you, you were too blind to see.

If the apple doesn't fall far from the tree why do I feel like I'm so close to bouncing back.