If fluent English is something my dog possessed and could use I think she would say:
Sometimes my human starts breathing really fast, she slams her hands against the floor and she makes strange sad noises, I don't know what to do so I bring her my ball
Sometimes my human does not sleep at night, instead she stares at the ceiling, I hold myself close to her, so when she does fall asleep, I'm there
Sometimes my human gives me bones, a few of them I save for later
Sometimes my human comes home and does not speak to me, instead she stares at walls and sobs, I lick her feet and sometimes it makes her smile
Sometimes my human gives me tasty human food
On my birthday I get brightly colored parcels, there is paper I tear with my teeth and inside there is always something fun or tasty
Sometimes my human does not give me as much affection as I would like, but I love my human and she is mine
I used to have two humans, one has gone but I still remember her and I think my other human does too