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i have gazed through this window
for three and a half hours now
as if the reason why you left
is hidden somewhere behind the trees
and i worry about you, endlessly-
with a painfully heavy heart
that threatens to spill out on paper

i have wondered about you
since the sun first kissed me
good morning,
but i don't want to wonder anymore
(is it even love if you have to wonder?)

with a thump of bitter confusion,
i am strangled by my own questions
from a mind only cluttered
with thoughts of one person

i'll let the sun disappear
as the moon kisses me goodnight
and tonight will not be the last night
that i'll fall asleep with your face
engraved in my memory

i'll let the stars cover me
and envelope the scars you left
from the words that escaped your lips
i'll try to forget you tonight
and maybe tomorrow
i won't have to wonder anymore
Schizophrenia
Dark duality
A tigers love
A lambs brutality
Cruel deflective
Defect reflective
False impulsive,
A mirrors love.
Now two are one
Now less is more
The unchaste nun
The faithful *****.
Walk crawl run
For more is less
From form to formless
Pain's thrall duress.
Now trap the surge
The ******* urge
The silent watcher
Observe's stillness.
Animus tamed
Released un-maimed
Dis-ease and pain
Shall be no more.
 Nov 2014 Emily Sliver
ryn
Figures
 Nov 2014 Emily Sliver
ryn
If only we were figures...
Accentuated in the night sky.
Starlit effigies bound by cosmic tethers...
Secrets of the universe many would attempt to pry.

If only we were figures...
Painted on pored upon canvas.
Fantastic renditions by masterful painters,
Abstract oil swirls dancing to a whimsical opus.

If only we were figures...
Given life in the lyrics in a song.
An example of harmony in verse,
Bridge and chorus...where we belong.

But we are only figures...*
Trampled on by indifferent feet that came to mock.
We can't undo such a potent curse...
We are but grounded figures outlined in chalk.
Kisses like dying      s   t    a   r   s,
*** like new       g   a  l  a  x  i  e  s.

U   n  i  v  e  r  s  a  l    love.
making small things bigger than they are
I acquiesce
not because I must,
but because *I love you.
An important distinction.

Love is more or less synonymous with respect in this case.
 Nov 2014 Emily Sliver
Just Melz
My reprehensible mind
       Slipped you into my dreams last night
    You were there for me
         Cared for me
               Said you were mine

     I cannot say
           I did not enjoy this dream
While it was happening
      It's been a long time
Since I've even thought about you
       But when I realized your words seemed true
    My dream took a turn
                Something morbidly new

      I said the things I wanted to say
          Instead of just saying sorry
And... "It's okay"
         I cursed and I screamed
    I put you down the way you always did me
               I broke your fragile, pathetic heart
       Tore your soul apart

             I was so cruel,
     Yet, I still never reached your level
       With what you did to me
   You'd have made friends with the devil
         I was an angel in comparison
   Enjoying my first little taste of sin

    God, how I loved watching you crumble
                    And fall
          Made me feel larger than life
To make you feel useless and small
          All the times you pushed me down
             Watched me laying,
        Crying on the ground
    I finally had my turn
          How do you like me now?

This may make me seem
         Like a terrible person
     But... I Don't Care
            My dream made me smile
       You weren't there
               You didn't see
All the terrible, painful things he did to me
      
      When I woke up,
   I was finally able to laugh at the past
           Like I never was before
     Truly Enlightening
                 A new beginning
  I'm not in pain because of him anymore
       And *I never will be again
haha
feels good...
 Nov 2014 Emily Sliver
Jedd Ong
has died

And tomorrow brings
Forth a helping
Of ham sandwiches
And chorizo rice,

And a cold glass of milk,
And vitamin pills,
And sleepy morning sunlight
Clinging to baby eyelids.

The world unraveling,
Yarn by yarn to reveal
A cracked expanse:

Dingy suburbs alternating
With shiny metal subways,
Flimsy straw huts,
And highways,

Schoolbooks once mandatory
Depicting every one of them.

The bell rings and
Suddenly footsteps seem
To linger if but for a second,
Encasing its victims
In a universe where time stops—
Stood—still

Still enough to wrinkle,
And feel the soft nudging

Of naked wrist against
Wrist-watched wrists,

Breakfast crumbs against
Crumpled lips,

Rotting umbrellas against
Sweating hips,

Oxen straining against
Grass-strewn rifts,

Coal dust against
Swollen lids—

So tolls the bell
And ends
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