if i could go one day without remembering you
if somehow
i could forget you completely
your existence obsolete

if i could forget the way i would fall into you
breathing in the strong scent of you
or the way your voice was gruff in my ears
as you whispered my name

forgetting you seems impossible
but if i could forget you
everything about you
i would

you kissed me so hard
i thought i would never again
be able to feel such passion
those two lips created

those two lips that now linger
regardless of how many i kiss

i apologize for the way
i can't hold my own
at a party with too much smoke and alcohol
and how
i told you i loved you
when those were the last words you wanted to hear

i apologize for the way
i screamed at you
and relentlessly hurt you
because i couldn't find a way
to cope with my own personal demons

i apologize for never being happy enough for you
and not laughing when i should
and crying too much
over the stupid little things
that made you roll your eyes

and i apologize for trying too hard
for not trying enough
and for the times where
i didn't care if you were even in my life
because i was too stuck on myself
to see that someone actually did care

i apologize for pushing you away
and making you leave
because when someone loves me
i don't know how to deal with it

and eventually
i let it eat away at me
until all that's left
is me
in crumpled up pieces of paper on the floor

i'm sorry i loved you