i apologize for the way
i can't hold my own
at a party with too much smoke and alcohol
and how
i told you i loved you
when those were the last words you wanted to hear

i apologize for the way
i screamed at you
and relentlessly hurt you
because i couldn't find a way
to cope with my own personal demons

i apologize for never being happy enough for you
and not laughing when i should
and crying too much
over the stupid little things
that made you roll your eyes

and i apologize for trying too hard
for not trying enough
and for the times where
i didn't care if you were even in my life
because i was too stuck on myself
to see that someone actually did care

i apologize for pushing you away
and making you leave
because when someone loves me
i don't know how to deal with it

and eventually
i let it eat away at me
until all that's left
is me
in crumpled up pieces of paper on the floor

i'm sorry i loved you