We fight with each other
Long and hard
Back and forth
For what I am not sure.

We all want love
In some form
All seeking for a key
For what I am not sure.

Im lost, within myself
Finding my feet again
Trust is growing thin
Death is the one to win.

Im not sure
If I ever make sense
Just a soul lost within
Fighting back and forth
For a prize...
A prize we'll all get in thee end.

Dear.. Friend,
Well it's been a while since
I was the reason behind your smile
&It;'s been months since
That supposedly 'last song' i wrote you
It's been lonely nights and scary flashback rides,
Since our.. 'Supposedly' last goodbye
It's been weeks since
I found the courage to speak
Such truth from my... pen.
Yeah i froze when your eyes were there, in front of mine, so sweet.
Oh.. friend.
It's been years since
I felt any type of love and here
I found it, in your touch and in your grace
Forget me not, for all our days
They add up to an infinity +1
And my heart still lights up
When i see your face,
Even if it's being cherished by another's..

It's going to take a while,
Maybe weeks, months
Or if i'm lucky just days..
Not to forget you
But to let you
Be the happiest you can be,
Dancing in such a broken place

&In; an infinity -1 total of days,
You fell in love,
With someone who i hope;
Will always be the reason behind the smile on your face,
inspire your r'n'b driven songs
And will give you comfort so you'll never have lonely nights,

And when you close your eyes before you dream and flashback to how it used to be,
I hope you remember soft whispers;
'please don't give up, for me'

'Cause i never did, you see
You saved me.. from me.

In an infinity +1 total of days,
I fell in love with moments,
And this is 'supposedly' the last one i'll crave from you, ever
...Though that's a promise made to be broken :')
'Cause i want you forever.

I love you, forever

I love you
I love you

* Whispers * I'm so in love with you,
if only we could be
But hopefully 'forever' will pass
Just like our tiny infinity.. :(

your love is as distant as the stars,
and just as dead.
yet i wish on them every night..

I have been so conflicted lately. Is it unwholesome not to wish, not to desire to place your trust in someone whom you lost faith in?
I feel like I have lost something very essential in this platonic relationship. I do not place my burdensome trust on a fragile shoulder easily and carelessly now. But then again, we are all just human, and my shoulders, like theirs, cannot bear a heavy pressure for long. Don't get me wrong, our friendship still holds true but I can no longer see the best in them.

I feel bad (by bad, i mean an undescribable whirlwind of feelings). I feel jaded, and sometimes I wonder why I cannot simply let go of the resentment and this sour, heart-wrenching feeling of betrayal. And I wonder ever harder why I do not want to mute out that voice in my mind that SCREAMS out : Alert! Alert! whenever I so much as glance at their passing shadows.

I ask myself why your name reminds me of open wounds and permanent scars. I ask myself why with every unnatural hesitation before a forced chuckle. I hate it. I abhor the grating-on-the-ears, awful imitation of genuine laughter. I ask myself why as I recognise our old photos, feeling like one half of a pair of heartbroken lovers, though between you and I, we have lost the title "soul sisters".

But, the answer is simple: We don't deserve it. They don't deserve my trust and I don't deserve to trust someone as easily again.

I wish I am sorry about this.

23.05.14.

I am not lonely, just alone.