He was hard
I was wet
We were both coated in sweat
it was my first time
but you've done it millions of times before
i hoped you would be easy on me this time
but i didnt think of the day after
when shame and regret  replaced the feelings of ****** bliss
i thought i would have been able to hit it and quit it
do it once and forget it
but instead the memories and regrets from that night haunt me always
i try to forget but all i do is remember

i wish he wasnt hard
i wish i wasnt wet
i wish we both werent coated in sweat
i wish i could forget

I feel
disgusting, *****, damaged
lost, lonely..im losing it
Im falling off the edge
and drowning in the abyss
or is that just my mind
because both are dark and scary
both are places i dont want to be...

Yes I may be a cold heartless *****
but this ***** has been through lots of ****
its kinda hard living when all you want to do is die
so I decide to take my anger out on the world cause I dont want to cry
I dont want to seem feeble or weak
so I hide my pain
cause looking into my eyes you wont find what you seek
You might search for happiness and joy
but all you will find is the truth
the pain the hurt the anger
so im sorry if I come across as a cold heartless *****
but truth is
I dont give a ****

When you can call yourself a man
In every essence of the word
Then you can step me
Not just a being that has a piece of meat hanging between their legs
I mean a real man
Provider. Care taker. Gentleman. Head of the house hold type of man
The kind of man that has a strong head on his shoulders
And a soft heart in his chest
Im gona take care of my kids
And make sure my woman is happy sort if man
Im gona be there for you
And Ive got your back type of man

But if you arent that type of man
Then please sweetie oh please
Stay the hell away from me

You make it seem as if you dont really want to see me
Even though it is your job to do this
What in the hell do you want me to do if Im a psychotic depressed teen
Im oh so sorry for needing you to do your job

Ughh

Nothing hurts more
        than a broken and
          shattered heart

I have a cold heart
I have a cold soul
I guess thats what happens when
The love I once knew becomes
Nothing more than burnt out wood
From the fire we lit
One night in the middle of last summer
The fire that got washed out cause the rain poured down that night
I wish our love was still like a burning fire
So warm and bright
Inviting and alive...