My mind tends
To fly away from
Me at times
It goes to where
The darkness lives
Maybe thats why
My thoughts are
So dark
Maybe thats why
I think of death
When I close my
Eyes
Mind you,
I dont want to
Die- I just want
The pain to end
I want to reach
To a place where
The razor is my
Enemy- not my friend
But if dying is
The way for
Me to have
Peace then so
Be it
Let me climb to
The top of a
Building believing
I can fly
Let me go
Head first in
My dive
Because I
Hate it when
My mind flies
To where the
Darkness lives...

Im a bit angry
you re-scheduled our session
but they need your help
more than i do right? so
its fine. ive been coping
with this for a long time
so waiting a few more
days to see you won't
**** me right? im still
a bit angry though
cause i was in the talking
mood-now i have no one to
talk to. ive been building
up my confidence and strength
all week to tell you every
thing that comes to mind, I
wasnt going to hold back on
anything...
but they need your help more
than I do right? So its fine
i'll just sit on the side line
till its my turn to play..

I feel lost
Faceless in this
World of faces
Im uncertain of my
Path. Left? Right?
Will I end it all tonight?
How is it that
I hate what he did
To me yet I crave
The touch? I must
Be sick or completely
Insane. Whats wrong with me?
Why do I crave this pain?

its between
suicide or homicide
though i do believe homocide
will be better...why? well
it allows me to release my pain
and anger without hurting
myself...isnt that the idea of this
doctor? to get me to stop hurting myself??

Dear You,
  You saved me
  I was drowning in my unhealthy     thoughts
  Hurting myself because of his past sins
  You threw out a life saver
  And pulled me to shore
  Though Im still in critical condition
  I think I'll be just fine..
  Since my rescue
  Ive cried and made myself bleed a few times
  But I still want to say thank you
  Because I think you heard my silent cries
  And you saw the pain in my eyes
  Thanks to you
  Im on the road to my recovery
  And for that
  You will always have a place in my heart
  No matter what.

         Thank You

As i carve into my skin
I wonder, where did this all begin?
Is it my fault Im hurting?
Or is it a punishment for one of my many past sins?
Once Im behind closed doors
I sit and watch the blood drain
I remove my happy mask
    Then I wonder, why do I induldge myself in this pain
As I carve into my skin
All sorts of memories flutter into my head
I think of many thoughts
Though I mainly think of being dead.
   After a tiresome journey
   The one they call life
   I lay pooled in my own blood
   I take my last breath
   I taste something, oh so sweet...I think its called death...

i feel as if i
Do this to myself
i feel as if i
dont deserve to be helped- silly feelings
arent they?
i try to distract myself
i try to forget the past
but some how- no matter
how bad i try- all that
comes to my mind is
"how soon can i die?"
however, i want to be happy
i want to invite you to my weeding and to
my baby's christening
i want to get better
but i want to slit
my wrists till i bleed
out- im a contradiction
a complete paradox...