If I die today,
Will tears come rushing like a rivers stream?
Will eyes overflow with darkness and despair and drip down those flush red cheeks?
Will the Earth quake in anger at its core, that I am no longer here on this realm of greens and blues,
No longer hungry for a tomorrow,
Will the sun retire and go into hiding?
Will the Earth forget about laughter and joy, just for a moment?
And will the thunder call out to the darkness of skies in sorrow cries as clouds swell up and release itself onto the darkest of days?
Will the moons gentle glare be dull and dispirited?
Will the air turn crisp and will your heartbeat go on a limp?
Tell me, will the world bring to a halt, just for a split second?
Will my silence cry too loud, will you bear it?
Who will care when I am no longer here?
Heaven and Hell, where will I pair?
Will I be forgotten or will the spirits of my past me, haunt your memory?
Take my ashes to a faraway land, somewhere with lush green mountains that reek of salty sapphire waters with roaring waves that meet the sand and turn us hand in hand.
Deliver me to my home land.
Forgive me, for I have sinned,
Father, I have tried my best. I just can’t win,
Know that I have lived a life to love and be loved and to seek my truth from within.

We rap about ***, drugs, and violence
But when is the time that we discuss real issues that we as a society feel the need to hold back in silence, like state of the mind and suicidal violence
Mental health is the most important kind of wealth
We’re too busy caught in ourselves that we don’t realize our loved ones are drowning with thoughts of suicide and blaming themselves
When I was 13 I wrote my first suicide letter and downed a whole bottle of pills thinking that if I was dead, life around me would be better
My mom found me in bed half conscious with tears rolling down her face
Suddenly she was put in a race
How could I put her in that place?
She carried me to the car
The whole ride she’s telling me not to go too far
Making sure i don’t lose sight of the light
Telling me everything is going to be alright
Hoping for the best and throwing away the rest
My best friend visited me in the hospital and she wrote me a letter.
She said my mom broke down on the phone asking how could I feel so alone to the point I wanted to be 6 ft below
In my mind I didn’t know
I felt like I had no place to go
I had so many people that loved me and it still wasn’t enough for me to not want to let go
I remember breaking down to my sister and my best friend the second time I tried to put my life to an end
Angry at the world for being so cold and unfair
Asking why I couldn’t just die and leave my final goodbyes right then and there
We all broke down and cried
It seems like every day I question why I’m still here when it’s clear that I could care less if today was the day that I took my last breath
Innocent lives full of life that aren’t ready to die being taken away everyday, when I’m the one that should be put in their place
Despite of it all, I still believe that there is light at the end of this dark hall
I've taken too many falls just to give in
The only way to go now is up

There are bits of me I wish the world not see
My darkness that glimmers in a full moon’s glowing
My light that beams onto an oceans calmness
When honest love comes knocking, wanting to know what haunts me
I am shied away of all wanting to know my graveyard of echos
The phantom of memories that never seem to fade away
In my twilight, they decay
You’ve brought my graveyard to life
My phantoms now buried heavy within
My darkness to brilliance
A fragment of myself I was never proud of, now ignites
Thank you for showing me the light

I take this pain and let it bleed off the tip of my pen onto my page
Instead of letting my blood drip off of this blade
I tell myself daily, it’s not worth it
Each scar has a story behind it
My body almost similar to a warriors
I am strong and fearless
Though sometimes I feel as if I could care less
When I am weak, I am vulnerable
Sometimes I let the pain overpower me
I feel too hopeless and forget the better things
Sorry my sweet tender loving body
The blade takes its place once again as a tired hobby
The soft me is no longer a soft body

When I am feeling jaded and blue
And my heart is beating but still feels still
My solitude is all that keeps me existent
In a world I feel I have no existence
With the world at my feet, tranquil and still
I feel as if I am on an incline to self destruct
I can't slip up
I keep my undisturbed peace and tell myself that life will always move on
As life moves, so do I
I will never be in the same place as I exist today
My high is in the understanding that entity and existence change like the state of the atmosphere
We are constantly shifting
Life is full of devotion and passion
Discover what you love and overflow in what you lack in
Life is flashing
In the blink of an eye, it could all be absent
Hold on to what you have now
Nothing lasts forever

These words are a private healing for me
A paradise for my mind
A bible scripture oh so devine
These words I let heal my mind
A refreshing feeling of senses combined
When I am at most peace and am almost falling to pieces
This pen and paper will be the one to bring me back
Away from all that distracts
A world where I feel lonely
A mind where I feel vacant
I do not wish for empathy, when times like this I feel as if I can’t even see through
That little light of sun in paradise will glisten and my pain shall heal too