11:51pm

you're doing your sisters hair.

i'm laying here, miles away, on a bed sprawled next to my notebook and pen.

i feel completely, wholly, utterly numb.

11:54pm

you of all people should know what it's like to slowly loose faith just before the light changes to green. but until it changes, the wait, is what it is. antagonising.

11:55pm

i don't know if i'll make it, i'm numb scared and worried that i won't. i don't even know if you'll be pleased to see me even if i do.

11:57pm

i will always, try my best, to stand by you through everything, please never doubt that. please always remember ~

2:32am

i wanted to message,
ask if you're okay
but it feels silly and pointless
with everything going on.

2:33am

i don't want to be a
'me' without 'you'

2:35am

i feel numb. to the facts and events about to come. all i can think of is finding a way back to you right now. that's my mission. that's what i have to, need to, focus on.

2:37am

i'm trying so hard to keep things together. for you, for me, for us. but it's so hard when all i feel like is im failing at  being an ounce bit of comfort.

2:40am

the reason i'm rather reluctant to share happier stuff is because i'm selfish too. sometimes i only want to share with a selected few. you're always one of the few though, just incase you had a moment of doubt.



there are happy moments amidst the struggles and they make living life, all the much more bearable (praise be to God).


2:44sam

I miss you to smithereens.
To bits and pieces.

the problem
with heroes
is that everyone thinks
they're perfect
until they're not.

its almost as if
people can't stand to deal
with the dark sides of people that exist*

nobody likes discovering
the skeletons that we keep
they'll tell you they care
that they'll always be there
that there's nothing
that could ever
change their mind
until something does

then suddenly
curtains are closed
all good that has once been done
disappears into smoke

people love to say
tell me the truth over a lie any day
but when truth comes knocking
*suddenly they're the ones running away

giving up

isn't an option

when you want to go home.

you've got to fight,

you're going to cry,

you're going to hurt,

time after time after time,

you're going to have to sacrifice,

and give and give and forgive,

and forgive and give and give,

you're going to bleed,

drop by drip by drip,

you're going to have your heart,

ripped to shreds,

over and over and over,

and even when

you think

you're finally numb

the feelings will come back

in waves upon waves

you will never be left to rest

in this world.

test upon test,

will occur,

until it's your time to leave,

and may you leave in the best

and the most beautiful

and painless of ways.

may you find peace,

comfort and happiness,

may you find your way home,

may it be everything you wished,

wanted, and more ~

She looked left, she saw pain
She looked right, she saw struggling
She looked ahead, she saw tests
She looked behind her, she saw heartbreak
She looked up, she saw illusions and deception
She looked down, she saw cracks in the pavement
she felt very much like the pavement