ask me
listen to what I don't say*
answers are too often hidden
in the depths
*not served on pretty silver plates

find me in the shadows
shivering in the warm

I've been thinking about you for hours and hours and hours...
Don't know why, but today I've been feeling slightly nostalgic
The kind where I just want to somehow make it to your room
Tiptoe in and hide.
Crawl up into a ball, covered by a blanket and sleep.
Sleep till you come back home if you're out,
& find me.
The kind where I just want to sit and watch
Or listen to you talk
Focus on the sound of your voice
But not talk myself
I'd really like that.
I've been thinking about you for hours and hours and hours now...
I don't know why nostalgia has been setting in
Like the air in my lungs
I can't quite stop it from finding its way into my chest
I've been thinking about that email I keep wanting to write to you and send
But haven't had the chance to
Not now, not yet.
(whispers 
"I'm sorry..")
But I wanted
Wanted you to know,
That I've been thinking about you for hours and hours
And hours on end.
Been feeling slightly nostalgic too.
For a home that hasn't felt like home in years, in a place that feels more foreign than familiar,
In a city that's seems like thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away
Like you.
But you're not
And that's the difference I can't quite make sense of.

When you loose someone you love
It changes you.
You're never the same person you were before.
You adapt. You adjust. But it still hurts.
It hurts because that person mattered to you.
Because you'd hoped that person wouldn't leave.
It hurts, because deep down you hoped with everything you had,
that that person would be the one person to stay.

You don't ever really recover from pain like that.
You grow. You learn. But you don't forget.
You never forget.

Feelings are fleeting though
They never last long
So what's wrong with me?
Why can I still feel things?
Does this mean I haven't really let go?
I'm trying to move on,
Trying to move forward with my life,
So why do I feel like you've still got so much of a hold on me?
Why can't I seem to shake off thoughts of you?
Why do things that shouldn't bother me, still do?  
What's wrong with me?

I could write and write, but it wouldn't change a thing
What's gone is gone + words are just words at the end of the day
Aren't they?