Your bold green eyes with flakes of gold keep me hypnotized.
I can't do anything without worrying that one day your eyes will turn cold.
I cling to every word you say as if any of them will be the last ones I hear.
You've kept me like this for months now - I admire you, I do, but please.
Let me go.

I'm dangling by a thread over the life I had before I laid eyes on your freckled face.
Just let me go I plead, I can't keep doing this.
You give me that big smile showing your bright white teeth.
My heart melts at the sight and sinks because I know I will always be under your spell.

The day I realized just how much you love me,
was coincidentally the worst night I've had in a very long time.


Friday night - its the night where my family and I go out to a local restaurant/bar because
Its karaoke night and my family is hosting it as always.
The clock strikes eleven o'clock and all the kids have left to go sleep.
There are many people standing around the bar,
doing shots, talking, chatting, flirting, touching, kissing.

I sit by myself, watching every person closely.
Studying them, studying the way alcohol effects people, studying the man looking, flirting, wanting to touch, my mother.

She's had a few drinks.
She can hardly stand on her own.
Her husband having a few beers himself stands back,
oblivious to the man studying my mother's hourglass figure.
That's when I see it happen.

He looks at her chest and his hand reaches up.
In complete shock, I watch in horror at the events unfolding in front of my young eyes.
Glancing back at my step-father, he is no where to be found.
Helpless, I look away before I see too much.

A few minutes later she staggers to me,
"We're leaving," she takes me by the hand and walks outside.
She was clinging to her keys when reality struck.

"Mom give me the keys, I'll drive, I have a license. Please, give me the keys"
She refused and dragged me in the car.

After arriving home from the terrifying car ride,
I turned my computer on to video chat with you.
I wanted to tell you how terrified I was
and how much I needed you to console me.
At that moment, I heard her scream my name followed by,
"Please get me the trashcan."
I ran through my house, grabbing the trashcan, throwing it at her feet and running to my room before hearing the awful noises that followed.
Slamming my door shut I cover my ears,
trying hard to ignore the sounds of drinking too much,
and thats when I called you.

I don't know how you understood anything I said through sobs,
but as soon as you heard my desperate plea,
you sang to me:

You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

I knew how much you hated singing - but you knew just what to do to help me through.
That was the moment I realized how much you love me,
and how much I love you too.

Less than 50 days now,
high school will be over.
My every day routine for the past 12 years,
will shatter and crumble in front of me.

Less than 50 days now,
my life will begin.

I've never felt this way about someone,
I look at you and I feel so many emotions,
depression, anger, hatred.

Every day, you tell me everything I do wrong,
"Drew we need to talk about what you're doing."
"Well good job you just ******* us over!"

Its the same thing every day I see you,
and frankly, I'm sick of it.

Get used to the fact that not everyone is perfect;
People make mistakes,
yes, I make more than most, but I'm done feeling like **** because of you.

So you know what?
*******.
I'm done.

If I wasn't afraid,
everyone would know my name.

I'm on a crowded sidewalk,
there's people walking fast around me.
Everything is a blur of motion.
The air is thick with cigarette smoke and factory pollution.
Contaminated air fill my lungs and I cough loudly.
No one seems to hear me choking on the air I'm breathing in.

After catching my breath I gaze at the environment around me.
Its busy,
there are good looking men talking on cell phones dressed in suits and carrying briefcases -
there's beautiful women walking with multiple bags strung around their arms some with little dogs on a leash behind them.
I felt as if I didn't belong.
I look down at myself and I see that I'm wearing a plain black t-shirt and my pants have multiple holes.
My shoes are starting to fall apart at the seams.
"Where am I?" I ask a man passing by me, but he didn't seem to notice I was there.

Am I invisible?

That's when I see you.
You're staring at me with those beautiful blue eyes.
I say your name, silently at first, almost only to myself.
I say it again louder this time, but you stay there, unresponsive.
I scream your name, and you move toward me.
I reach my arms out to grab you, and the moment I will never forget,
is when you walked right through me, as if **I never existed.

"Goodnight sweetie," my mom says as she turns out my bedroom light and shuts the door.
Instantly, my heart starts to race and I whisper "no, not the dark.
Please don't leave me alone with the monster."
I lay in bed clutching my little dolly with the blanket over my head as my vision blurs.
Even though my blanket is warm, I feel my body go pale and cold.

He's coming to get me, this is my final night
And no one will ever know how I died

I somehow hear the window unlatch over my hearbeat drumming in my ears.
I pull the blanket further over my head and try not to panic.
Keep it together, maybe he won't see you.
I hear the footsteps approach my bed.
My face is wet from tears and my whole body starts to shake.
There's a tug at the blanket and I know its all over.

"Goodbye mommy."

Standing here at the pier,
I take in my surroundings,
trying to keep my heart steady and my mind clear.

A crowd envelopes me as we all wait for that one person.
Men are holding flowers,
Women holding children,
Children holding signs.

Standing here at the pier,
I hold nothing but my heart in my hands,
Waiting until we may embrace again.

My mouth waters while my stomach twists into knots.
The air tastes of candy scented perfume.
Trying to get rid of the taste,
I take a swig of cold, refreshing water that also helps ease my stomach

Standing here at the pier,
My stomach ties in knots,
Waiting to see your face again.

Figures start to head my way.
I gasp.
Frantically, my eyes search the crowd,
Searching for just a glimpse of you.

Standing here at the pier,
My heart will not steady,
My mind hectic with just wanting to see you.

The crowd starts to disappear,
They've found they're family
They're heading home
With their family, and I'm

Standing here at the pier,
Longing to find you,
Wishing to find you soon.

A tall figure starts heading in my direction.
I squint to see
Is that you?
My lungs fill with air and I run.

My vision blurs, but its okay.
I know where I'm going.
I'm running.
Running home to my family.

Our bodies collide in a warm embrace,
I'm lifted up off the ground and swung around,
"I've missed you so much, Dad."
I tell him through sobs.

"I've missed you too baby girl.
Lets go home."
Linking our pinkies together, we walk

Together again.
We're headed home.

Tick tock, tick tock
the clock clicks.
Seconds, minutes, hours pass
as I sit here thinking of you.

"Drew," his voice fills my thoughts
"Are you okay?
Do we need to go talk?"
My heart starts to ache.

The familiar red truck comes into view.
We were inside,
driving around as I complained about life.
He listened to my every word.

Tick tock, tick tock
the clock continues to click
tick tock, tick tock
the clock grows louder with every tick

Louder, louder, and louder.
The clock's clicking fills my ears
until I can't hear my own thoughts.
My heart beat quickens

Tick tock, tick tock
I grab my hair in clumps
and my vision blurs
Tick tock, tick tock

I let out a scream,
running to the clock on the wall.
Clutching it in my hands,
my knuckles turn white.

Ripping the clock off the wall,
I let out a cry and throw it.
Hitting the ground,
the clock smashes into a thousand pieces.

Falling to my knees,
tears stream down my face.
Thoughts of you fill my mind,
Your voice rushes through my ears.

"I love you,
I miss you,
I will see you soon,
Love always and forever."

I sit down and lean my back against the wall.
Running my hands through my hair,
I whisper,
"Please come back soon."