I feel like we're growing apart
Like I don't talk to you near as much
As I used to.
Now, I find myself retrieving sustenance.
In silence.
I'm happier alone than I am with people.
I'm awkward in groups.
I'm quieter than I was.
And there's no one for me to open up to.
But if there is...
Please come forward....
Because I need you.

Shoutout
To my **earbuds
For being there
When no one else was

Thank you
For keeping me alive
When I craved death

When I saw nothing but hate
You gave me true love

And thank you
For helping me build my wall

I don't need
no arms around me.
And I dont need
no drugs to calm me.
I have seen
the writing on the wall.
Don't think I need
anything at all.
No
Don't think I'll need
anything at all.
All in all
it was all
just bricks in the wall.
All in all
you were all
just bricks in the wall.

Thank you for
Once again reminding
Me that I
Will never
Be good enough.

Ever been so sad,
You feel like throwing up?
Yeah...

I just wanted to let you know....
I hate you.
I hate everything about you.
The way you talk.
The way prioritize work over developing a relationship with your son.
How you constantly put me down when I make mistakes.
How you somehow think yourself superior to everyone else when your intelligence level is mediocre at best.
How you make me hate myself.
How you set unrealistic standards.
I hate EVERYTHING about you.
I hate that we share the same gene pool.

I have nothing left
So I'll immerse myself in my own thoughts
Emotions
And the music of a thousand symphonies
Just to drown out my ****** up reality.

When you look at him
You see a violent man ready to attack.

When I look at him
I see the guy who carried me around Disney World on his shoulders.

When you look at him
You see a possible drug distributor in the state of Florida.

When I look at him
I see the guy who LARPs in his front yard with his friends.

When you look at him
You see a ****.

When I look at him
I see the guy who held my hand before I got on my first rollercoaster to comfort me.

When you look at him
You see the man you shot because he, "charged."

When I look at him
I see an innocent man killed in cold blood.

When you look at him
You see suspect white male early 20s wearing basketball shorts and a tshirt.

When I look at him
I see Derek Cruice.

1 Universe
500 Billion Galaxies
50 Sextillion Planets
1 Earth
7 Continents
196 Countries
7.297 Billion People
And I would choose you.
Every.
Single.
Time.
Why?
Because you're fantastic.
And I love you.

Some days
I can't even look at myself in the mirror
Some days
I can only think about how I'll never be good enough
Some days
I can only sit and dread my own pathetic existence
Some days
I have no sympathy for myself
Because I am nothing compared to you.

****.
*******
F  U  C  K
F   U   C   K
My depression is back.
But I refuse to show it.
Because I am strong.
Or that's just what I tell myself...

But if you're reading this.
And you know me personally.
I'm sorry.
I'll miss you.

Intellectually stimulating.
That's how you make me feel.

I've got countless thoughts.
I want so badly to express them.
But I can't.
Because I don't know how.

Past
I used to tell myself
That I would do anything for you
I would die for you.
I would **** for you.
I would have done anything if it meant
Being with you.

Present
I've realized...
Why should I do ANY of this for you,
If you wouldn't do the same.
It's a waste of my time...
And yours.

Future*
Hell....
Who knows...?

And you wanna know
What the really ****** up
Part about all this is?
I still would.
I still would die for you.
I still would **** for you.
I still would do anything.
Even if you wouldn't do the same.
Because that's what it means
To love someone.
To love someone is unconditional.
And when I said it.
It wasn't an exaggeration.
It was for no one else but you.
Ever.
I love you, dear.
Always will.

Ya know...
I keep reading that...
Over and over again...
And it gets worse every time.

I suppose it might be for the best.
I'll try to move on.
But I'll always be here
If you want to try again.

I don't want to live anymore.
I want to disappear.
I doubt anyone would notice anyway...
The handgun might just be my companion tonight.

I'm going to die alone...
And it's nobody's fault but mine.

It's times like this
When I need you
Back by my side.
Your hand locked in mine.
My head in your lap.
I miss you.

“If people are truly,
Madly,
Deeply
In love with each other,
They will find a way.”

Well, baby...
Let's find a way.

This is the equation for a chemical.
This chemical is everything.
It's your username for just about everything.
And it reminds me of you every time I hear the word.
But it's so much more than that.
It's the chemical that rushes into my brain,
Every time I see you.
Every time I hear you.
Every time I touch you.

But today... I feel drained...
As if all hope of us being together is lost.
But baby. I'm fine.
I just need your reassurance.
Tell me the truth.
Promise me if everything will be alright.
So I can get my chemical back.

I'm not tired.
I'm having a mental breakdown.
I slept plenty last night.

I like that you write poems about me.
You say you aren't good with words.
But I understand what you're saying.
You say you don't know how.
But I'm receiving your message.
And the day that all happiness will fade.
Is the day I stop seeing your beautiful words.
Sitting on my dash.

You'll always be my angel
My Player 2
My love
My better half
My little spoon
My math tutor
My motivation
My savior
My dearest
My only

Mistakes were made
But please believe me
Your love I wouldn't trade
I honestly don't know
If you still feel the same
I'll try to take it slow
It's all me to blame

I can see you're unhappy
Deep, deep down inside
But know I also feel ******
Because I hate when we fight

I want the old us back
To tell me you love me
To whisper goodnight
As I fade to the black

We both have problems
But I want to work through them
I still love you, Autumn..
You, I cannot condemn.

It'll take some time
To get back to normal
So I wrote this rhyme
To tell you formal

So just remember these words
When you're feeling down and blue
Just think of me because
Autumn, I love you.

It may seem like I'm too happy right now
But the fact of the matter is...
I can't be happy without you.
I'm just good at hiding it.

What I said that night...
I didn't mean it..
I'd rather be hurt waiting for you
Than hurt separated from you

And now... I apologize.
And ask of you the greatest favor..
I ask of your forgiveness...

And I'm pulling for you to push through this feeling
And with a little time that should do the healin'
And by tomorrow you may even feel so good that you're willing
To forgive them even after all that **** you been put through

What have I done...

It's funny how you can spend months building something fantastic... and then destroy it completely within a matter of seconds... I'm so sorry...

This isn't a poem.
This is a note. For you.
It may not bear any real significance for you.
But to me, it means everything.
You are my first real love.
My amour de ma vie.
I can't live without you.
You are the most important to me.
But, in light of things,
We're both always depressed.
I'm afraid, until you make a decision
There will be no rest.

Living without you is a life undesirable
And seeing you back with him
Is a pain indescribable
When will you come to your senses
And see that my love for you
Is absolutely, undeniably relentless

I'm doing this for us
I saw we had potential
And it's not only looks
You're smart and inventful

I apologize for my audacity
I'm not gonna give up.
That'd be a catastrophe
But this is taking away the absolute last of me

And this is something it hurts me to say
A choice must be made
Both options have consequences,
But it's a choice either way.

I love you.

There are darknesses in life
And there are lights
You... are one of the lights.
The light of all lights.

You could break my heart into
Tiny
Little
Pieces,
And I'd still pick them up
And put them back in your hands.

I don't know what to do
As I sit here and think
Sitting and thinking about you
I feel...forgotten. Lost.

I don't know what to do
I'm hurt and confused
I'm getting mixed messages
Is it me, or you?

I don't know what to do
I know I still love you
But the question remains
Do you still love me too?

I don't know what to do
We agreed to start over
But I don't want that
It kills me, as a matter of fact

I don't know what to do
I now know how he felt
To be dropped so quick
I want to die...I feel sick...

Right now I feel frozen
Wait
Not frozen.
Life moves on
At a regular pace
But I'm slow and
I'm losing this race
I want to go back to
Where we were when
I said I loved you
And you said it back.

It was all so sudden
Our relationship didn't crumble
It imploded on itself.
And now I'm back
To being alone.
This poem is my
Impromptu apology.

I moved too fast
And now I'm stuck
In slow motion.

Most people think about
Other people that
Make them shout
Meanwhile I'm here
Drowning in self loathing
So tell me this, now
Is it worse to hate everyone else
Or to hate only myself

I look into her eyes
and I see myself.
Looking back. But better.
Improved.
She is a mirror image of me.
Like a part of my soul
torn away at birth.
That I have found.
My better half.