it's 10:37 pm
and i find my self
apologizing
for something I hated
you for an hour ago.
I'm apologizing
for you. yet you
think you did no harm.

it was 8:09 pm
and I was fuming, angry
and would never forgive you.
I was on edge of hating
you and never forgiving you
ever. I was yelling and crying
and you had no clue.

it was 6:12 pm
when you called us off. saying
we were never a thing and
would never be in the future.
it hurt in waves, drowning in pain
after each rush. I fell for someone
as self centered as you.
I hated you.

it was 11:11 am
and I was no longer
wishing for you because I finally
got you. you whispered things
I only dreamed of hearing. I
thought I was falling for you.

Every time I feel the tears
Come closer to the surface
I breathe deeply, blink quickly
And make sure they don't fall
I can't afford to show
All of this weakness
This vulnerability
That they all tell me to hide
I have to be strong, be firm
And never let them see
That inside I am dying
And slowly crumbling
Until soon there will be
*Nothing left of me

"At first,
memories of you
were frequent
and many.

But over time
they became
few and far,

and each one
always a reminder
of the scars."

breathe.
because you know what you
do when someone ***** you
over? you calmly take your
heart out of their hands
and leave. you think maybe
you'll sew it back on to
your sleeve but not now, not
today. you put their things
in a box (their cds, their
shirts, their books, their
notes, the little things you
picked up on your dates)
and you put it on the
highest shelf in your
closet, because someday
you will want to remember
them, maybe. if you don't
want to remember them, you
give them the box, you
donate the box, you throw
the box in the river. and
you breathe. because you
deserve better. you deserve
someone who doesn't consider
you a fallback, a plan b.
you will be someone's plan.
you will be the only plan.
you will be my-god-what-
was-i-doing-before-you-
walked-around-that-
corner. remember that
you are enough.
breathe.

First there is the prep.
The roommate.
Wearing salmon colored pants.  
He has Shaggy from ****** Doo
On his left thigh.
The alcoholic.
She has a drinking problem.
She is in denial of her drinking problem.
She hangs out with the loners.
The loners.
Unkempt, unattractive and fat in all the wrong places.
The blond looks like Tom Petty.
The one with dark hair, glasses and braces
They live next door.
Living together but segregated. 
Wild cards.
All of us.

©Gambit '13