I was packing up my room because I am getting ready for my big move to college life, when I came across an old journal. It was a little gem I left for myself to read; I was a little hesitant to read it, to be honest! The first entry is December 10, 2008. I describe how I am 12 years old girl, who has blondish brownish hair (of course I spelt brown with a d), and who has a good personality. Okay good start, nothing too crazy. I then go on for the next few pages describing my love for the book, wait for it, it’s actually a classic, “Twilight.” Yeah… I didn’t realize how much I loved that book back then. So anyways after I skim past the “Twilight” rants, I discover something that shocked me. It’s a page titled, “My Goals!” Awesome! What can a 12 year old girl possibly have goals for (being in twilight movie maybe?). I wish I could say it was something fun like that. Instead, 12 year old me, wrote
Lose Weight. (of course followed up with…)
Become a teacher.
Talk to Matt (with a line through it! good job little Dottie!)
Get a Job.
Read and see all series of “Twilight.” (nailed it!)
Become a singer.
Become a actor.
Why would a 12 year old have their first goal be to lose weight? I have always had issues with my weight, but reading that goal made me want to hug 12 year old me. I didn’t realize how much my problems with weight affected me until I saw that list. If I could go back and talk to 12 year old me it would go something like this,
“You are beautiful. You’re writing is far past your years. You have great friends who don’t look at your outer beauty but rather who you are on the inside. You are most definitely not fat, and losing weight should be the furthest thing from your mind! Now is the time to discover who you are! Love yourself more because you’re much more than weight.”
I still struggle with my weight, but I refuse to let it defy me. It shouldn’t defy you either. Eat healthier, make smart choices, and never give up. Don’t let yourself hold you back, let alone anyone else.