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some days even when
everything in my life is in a crescendo
a part of me feels numb

a small part of me is numb to all the love,
all the joys, all the sadness, all emotions
all I feel is this numbness that comes out of
"a deep emptiness"

I know I cannot fill this vast emptiness,
so I cry out to a something greater than myself,
eventhough I don't have a clue what that might be

I embrace my numbness and accept that
life cannot be lived in extreme highs and lows
I want to embrace stability and not reject it as boredom

But some days I just want crawl into bed and not wake up
I feel so numb, and I have to remind myself that
"feelings aren't facts."

So I get out of bed and go through the motions
hoping against hope that someday my "deep emptiness"
is filled with an abiding love that will fill me to wholeness
 Apr 2014 Dominique U
Jack
~

Her sorrow

I have tasted sadness
rolling down her face
Searching for those yesterdays,
emptiness to trace
~
Her heart as if a dagger
is ****** so deep inside
With tears to fill a cavern
and pain she can not hide
~
This loss, so overwhelming
of weight too hard to bear
Her sorrow is my sadness
in friendship I do share
~
I long to take her grieving,
eliminate her pain
Lock it deep within my soul
to never show again
Intermittent scribbles in a brand new leather journal.
Hoping even just one line becomes something eternal.
Searching for the perfect words, or poignant points to make,
I lay there, thinking, three a.m, and I'm still wide awake.
Pretty rhymes to pass the time, if no soul ever reads,
I write these words for mockingbirds and fun, no thoughts of greed.
The verdant, rolling plains of the space within my skull,
Spill forth in excess on the page when life is feeling dull.
Words give life to drying ink, a pause between each line,
To choose the words which through the years remind me what is mine.
Don't leave just yet,
I'm not ready to let you go.

Don't let the pain overcome you,
My love will be your strength.

Stay just a while longer,
That our last encounter may be the greatest.
91.
91 .
Quite a time.
Should I continue?
I love you so much.
Surely you know.
But what to say now...
I'm talking to myself.
I know not if you're there.
Maybe I'm not enough.
Probably.
I never was.
It would explain
Why I've always been alone.
Why did you choose the beginning at the end?
Would not an end at the beginning have been better?
Yet again,
Your reason
Prevails over
My own.
I would have have liked more time though.
I still have so much more love to give you.
But you,
Predict the
Difficulty of
That end.
Would it really have felt worse to start sooner?
Would the attachment really have been greater?
Yet again,
You have
Proven me
Incorrect and
You perfect.
 Apr 2014 Dominique U
Jack
Wishing you would love me
more than I hate myself
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