You think you know this darkness?
To look deep into the blackness?
I've seen it far too many times
Suffered and paid for my crimes
I know I let you down, once again
Holding your patience, counting to ten
But I am a complicated beast of a man
Hurting you was never part of the plan
I only wish that you could see
That even I don't know me
You are the one who stays strong
Whilst everything I touch goes wrong

I wish I could change what has past
Stop living my life in this bomb blast
You are far more better than me
A man who is left feeling too empty
I pray you know how much I love you
How much more can you forgive what I do?
I keep upsetting you, with too much hurting
I don't blame you if you're now deserting
I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to go
This would be my curse, that I know
You are the one who stays strong
Whilst everything I touch goes wrong

Some days I long to be held,
and others the thought of someone even shaking my hand makes me cringe
I still can feel hands on my throat
and the touch of an unwanted, wandering hand.

Years have gone by,
Yet the ghostly haunting of your lips on mine will not fade.
But hell, I "wanted it anyway"
I wonder how in the hell you looked into my sobbing eyes,
and decided that turned you on.

But it was my fault for wearing shorts instead of pants,
despite the 93 degree mid-July heat.

After you were done
You held me and asked for me to call you back.
You left me crying by the road side,
With my hair in knots and dirt on my new white shirt
Hours passed as I tried to walk yet couldn't because my whole body felt numb,

My best friend laughed, "nice hickies on your neck"
I cringed inside and had to lie,
hoping no one would ever know those hickies where the bruises you left when I tried to scream.

"Who am I, mother?
Who am I and what do I do?"

–Norman to his mother Norma, "Bates Motel"

And so it goes, a split self - the protagonist defending the darkness as
Bizarre murders satisfy obsessions of a mothers love, taking a
Chefs knife, stabbing victims to death.

Dualistic wars within, a helpless man whose mother taught him of the
"Evils of women," instilling her own moralities of their wickedness.

Fostering the antagonistic personality of his mother
Giving to his incomplete soul a sense of wholeness.

Hidden behind the boy next door innocence, a terrified man
Incarcerated; locked & bolted
Juddering with fear - promising to adhere - set free said to be "cured."

Kleptomania returns; unearthing bodies from their graves, stealing skulls; a comforting souvenir, as
Loving anyone meant destroying them also.

Multiple personalities dominate him
Norman Bates becomes Norma; his mothers persona, crawling into her skin
Originating from their very kiss, kick starting a timeless love affair

Paraphernalia of skins tanned, butchered conquests -keepsakes turned to art & now protecting an un
Quiet mind
Reasons pertaining to mental insanity
Sectioned to institutions

Taxidermy as a young boy fascinated his mind
Urges to **** & fill, feeding euphoric highs, & even
Vertigo.
Women thrilled him; their smell lingered on each garment he kept.

Xenos to himself; who, am I mother?
Youth denied, cried away
Zenith ended; his final resting place behind the bars of Mendona Mental Health Institution, 1984.

© Sia Jane

And you're a tremor through the
nerves of my body
And you're an echo in the grooves of
my brain
And every color turns grey under
moonlight
And every breath I take is laced with
the pain
They attack me when I close my eyes
Attach their membranes to the fuses
in my ribs
I host the terrors in my heart like a
lavish hotel,
But they rip me apart all the same

You never really notice
How big your tiny bed is
Or how little space you take up
As you try to fill the emptiness next to you
Until you're craving somebody to fill the space for you.

And then you realize:
Only that person can.



                                                                                                                    (w.n.)

Maybe the reason I'm afraid to go back
Is not because I'm worried things will be different,
But that things will be exactly the ******* same.


                                                         ­                                                                (w.n.)