these are my apologetic heartbeats
i am sorry but i will be late
because my arteries are running behind
and you will get there before me
but please don’t take it to heart
(that’s a pun
to lighten the mood)

nothing but the metaphorical truth
because i speak better in images
and pretty thoughts
and objects replacing feelings
so i can actually hold them
touch them
prove their existence

i think i’ll take this tightening in my chest
and turn it into a rubber band
stretch it between my two hands
and snap it
releasing the tension

i think i’ll take this weakness in my stomach
and turn it into a butterfly
which is pretty generic
but i want it to fly away

i think i’ll take this somewhat guilty weight
and turn it into a stone
grey and lifeless
and pointless
and i will drop it into the water
see the ripples spreading outwards
and touch them for good luck
tasting the tips of my fingers
to alleviate the cold

i think i’ll take this weird emptiness
and turn it into a poem
so i can raise the words up and run my fingers
through the letters
so i can print it and frame it
and smash the glass
and take the blood
and stain the paper
and crumple it up
and throw it down
to prove that it exists

and see if
when i look down at myself
the words are there
the glass is there
the blood is there
the lines are there
and i have been thrown onto the ground

these are my apologetic heartbeats
saying
sorry
but you cannot make us concrete
until you write us down
are you happy now?

and now here i am
writing poetry about you
in tim hortons
i've sunk this low
may as well keep going
extend the metaphor
except
we are not symbolic
we are real
or at least my mind thinks we were
and i'm usually right
so
who are you to say i'm wrong?
except you didn't
you just didn't say anything
and that's what makes me think
i should be somewhere else
somewhere other than this table
growing green with moss and envy
bending over time and time again
to pick up that lucky penny
polishing it off and adding it to my pocket
saving up for another drink
so i can buy more time
waiting around
for another chance encounter with you
that i know won't amount to anything
but hey
i can try can't i?
i have that right and i use it
abuse it
and all for what?
here i am sitting at a table for two
and you?
you're somewhere else
like you've always been
never there in front of me
except when passing me by
giving me the eye
or
did i just imagine it?
i think i know what i'm talking about
but my predictions all put me in the same place
sitting here with a cup in front of me
slowly emptying
but never all the way
because i still say i've got time to wait
my watch is wrong
some excuse
to go along with my own stupid games
playing the lottery and losing
but each small compensation lifts me up
i'm so hopeful one day it's gonna **** me
and i'll die here
in tim hortons
with my cold coffee sitting in front of me
saying
i told you so
you should've finished me when you had the time!
and i'll know
i should've finished us when i had the time
maybe then we never would have been like this
skirting around each other
all awkward smiles
cold coffee
warmed up
is never the same as when it's fresh

Zeus was the king of gods,
The god of sky and weather,
Law, order and fate.
A regal man,
                      Mature,
Sturdy figure,
                      Dark beard..
Royal sceptre,
                      Eagle..
O, how can I ever forget his passion for his Lightning Bolt,
No one dare touch?
Then again,
                                                                ­                                              I seek..
the power of lightning.
the cackle of thunder.
the massive electrostatic discharge.
                                                      ­    AWAKENS MY SENSES
For years I have longed..
For your beloved bolt
But when I accepted that it could not be mine
And shall stand faithfully by your side..
M Y W A N D E R I N G S ended..fullstop
Another bolt greeted me...
No intention had I of embracing a new love...
For your bolt has been sown to my heart..
Sealed forever..
Inaccesible...
The keys are lost in my crimson pool of despair..
No one shall ever find it.
You have ruined the recesses of my heart.
                                                          ­                                                       But, let me tell you something.
the key was unearthed.
found by true love.
brought a sparkle in my eyes
a glimmer in my sunshine
a power arose that beat                                                   *the daylight out of..
dark and daunting thoughts.
I beamed that 1000-watt smile once again.
Thank you Mr. Lighting Bolt of Hello Poetry
For when you turn yellow, the electrons in me sizzle..Feel the spark, Zeus?

I felt a cold breeze in my ear.
It whispered me a plan to know .
That a blade I shall use as a bow .
And my wrist as the strings I should play
The melody of death today.

The ones who see only the beauty in a sunny day,
have never seen the way rain hits the leaves on a simple tree.

we live in a world where creativity is shunned
& the freedom of expression is silenced
we live in a world where kids are afraid to be themselves
because of the stereotype that defines them
we live in a world where you cannot create yourself
for society already has your definition
we live in a world where peace and happiness does exist
along with pain and sorrow
we live in a world where people have learned to hate themselves
because society & media tell them to
we live in a world where the saying about sticks & stones
is actually a nightmare in disguise
we live in a world
where even I am afraid to wake up.
a.c.

miracle workers, they are
tiny capsules full of healing
some would find it strange
that such a gift
can be reversed into such a deadly item
an item of escape
but also an item that is strongly relied on
by everyone who seeks out help
but also the ones whose help never seems to come
the ones who tried but eventually caved in
the ones who relied on the pills to take away the pain
forever, not temporary
the ones who finished the bottle; collapsed on the floor
planning to never see the light of this cruel world
with their own empty irises again
to be awakened
surrounded by doctors
unconsciously hearing,
"we managed to flush the pills"
"she/he is safe for now"
they'll diagnose you as depressed & suicidal
as if it wasn't obvious before
then they'll prescribe anti-depressants
which I find is a huge contradiction
that you give a person who doesn't want to live in this broken world

just another escape out of here.
a.c.