(Wash, rinse, repeat)

The white dome of bone beckons
For another wash, again
Again,
BACK into the shower basin, again
4th time tonight I'm BACK

Scrubbing my scalp
Fingernails on shriveled fingertips
digging trails & rivers
Through the skinny bone.
Crop circles all over my balloon head
showing & telling White Skull Diaries

Squeezing the shampoo bottle empty
Shaky, macabre cleansing;
I get lost watching the spiral of water & bubbles
As it vanishes down a drain

I step out of the steaming shower
And face a foggy mirror, again
Again,
I dispise the blurry reflection
All I see is a stark white skull anyway

It goes back far
This is going to be hard to hide
Exposing more and more white skull
"Just stop already
The drain's f*king clogged with hai   r"

A baby crawling paws down
Down the stairs into
the study room
the odd computer flashes
the faces of what looks like people
a whiteout face
with black shameful eyes
breaks the scroll of happy faces
happy places and joyous info
as empty as a new USB
it's gaze pierced my soul
forever
It was 1998 then
More than a decade later
whiteout faces everywhere
on every screen
monitors growing out
like tumors on a monster from
The Thing
one grows in my pocket
I pull the tiny screen out
and the face eyeballs me again
one grows in each room
the kitchen has one on the fridge
all the cars have them, too
pixellated faces talking at me
I feel there may be one plugged on my
heart or brain
I can only think on its terms, now
I'm going to need a
date for the movies tonight.

she's not here anymore
so why don't I just
go away

her car is here, her home
is here. Even her cat is here
And her gardens are, too

sailed on and on
It's over, it's been over,
her shadow's parked on those hallways

she's not here anymore
so why don't I just
go away

Gargoyles live on my awning
The one overhanging my bedroom window

Like bats, they'll hang upside down
And stare in at me

All we are; I implore you
Come out
Come out

Isolation is icy
Useless frozen wrenches

All we are
Smartthings with hearts
Opposable thumbs & firethrowers

Isolation is icy
The Pope of Murk & Decay

All we are
Every fiber of DNA and
Every lost phone number on a napkin

All we are
Overgrown starry eyed babi  es
Happy birthday candles

All we are,
The cemeteries of our parents
Drain holes at the oceanfloor

Isolation is icy
Now,
          melt.

I never noticed until now
Detroit is a real town

Thru a puddle, I go
Past the shuttered laundromat
The charcoal stump colonials
Carnivorous ivy
Strangling the
Rustbolt cars lining the
Pothole roads that I never noticed
Until now, Detroit is a real town

At the corner of Rosa Parks Dr.,
A rotting moonlight and gasoline aroma
A damp liquor store and a bus-stop
               sign,
6 ghosts linger around the metal post
Like silvery mothra ,
Clinging at night to an outdoor light
The saviour stop.
For tiffany spirits
With expressionless faces.

Two phantom headlights manifest
Out of the indescribable looming night
And park at the sign

The ghosts faint
Thru the double doors
Of one rickety, dutiful citybus
The tailpipes dripping wil-o'-the-wisp
As it proceeds out of my view
Into dark night shade.









.

Five blankets rumbling winds
and me
Mind humming like a bee
I didn't ask for it
(It didn't ask for me)
Unwinding the coils
at 4a.m.
And I feel
free

tented World of Bubbles and
critters, monkey-wild,
the slant-
off,
the fathoms of a depth,
of Worlds whose histories end
in a fraction of what nature does do.

Amola mola, designator
a bulb of light dangling down to the nauticals,
the bubble armoured polyps.
The lively cesspool of micro-seamounts, where,
once there stood strong
a sea-green zoo,
now vaguely stands a mineral vestige.
Gaia shut off the vent
everyone goes away.

visited by wraiths --
These black lampreys, hooded and veiled,
clustering, cloistering,
the successors who
they and they only
the new deepsea robbers.

now a lighter sinking feeling,
the demigod sinks hitherto like nature does do.
a giant ***** whale dies above
Casting its shadow of hope

and the wraiths appear in the umbra
pushing & shoving for a spot
food arrives with a thud;
a castle of whale bones as their home
they were never so happy.

so crazily, thoughtlessly food-driven
deepsea "things"
swish-swash swish-swash goes the weird fish circus,
and then, crazily so
upon their trophy, the mirror wraiths,
of a bubbled World
feed in frenzy.

what on earth is this feeling
(yellowing formaldehyde)
kind of like old heartbreak reeling

a vivisection, never healing
coat & spray on the insecticide
what on earth is this feeling

criminal butterflies stealing
the cogs & screws in my arthropod insides
kind of like old heartbreak reeling

heartthrobs come frenzied then unfeeling
my vague worries preside
what on earth is this feeling

whateverphobia; a personal ceramic ceiling
to myself, is how I've always lied
kind of like old heartbreak reeling

carcass littered webs are usually unappealing
my own web has much to elide
kind of like old heartbreak reeling
what on earth is this feeling

I live & love in a truly ugly
horrifying place

Hapless in my routines
going about blithely,
doing normal, human
things
In a truly ugly
horrifying place













.

lost my heart in the circular realm
when I think of anything it sounds
like a drugged up
contradiction, that never was and never will
it's like I'm Dead.
In this vacuum presumed
Dead.

who I know , who I knew
the people that helped me grow,
are never recycled as new.
I keep writing these lines of my poetry mind
that to everyone else looks twisted and lied
like my mind is corrupt and they knew all along exactly
what's up.
What I know for sure is that nothing is for sure
But someone's said that before,
so I guess I'm a fake
unless I discover something new,
something blue, something old,
nothing at all,
it's absurd
it's fool's gold
it's an unreality
from the line of a sonnet
written on a vanishing moon.

it's like I'm Dead.

My dead ancestors have taken up all
the juice for my parade.
I'm left a charade; a skit;
half-hearted & unfit

it's like I'm Dead.
My obsessions say it all
You know the reasons
the buzzes
and the contrite liaisons.
You knew
all along
the undead song sang
to the soldiers
whose lives are ****** war zones

You know my cellophane
you've seen it televised live from every side,
and on every dead celebrity whose tragedy was pied.

I put the pens
the
"holiday"
flavored jujube's
and a jug of milk
onto the
conveyor

apparently at this time
that's odd.

A whipping disorientation
whallops me like a
cicada falling out of a tree
Slight at first, but disgust
upon realization that
I don't
know what
I'm doing.

Where what
Oh god
It is beyond sick

Ttthee fiirstttt timmee
i was alone with le tele
i got excited
as a kid of 8
i knew tv was fun

my dad
went to work early morning time
i grabbed up my
favorite blanky
and sat down in its presence

the icy cold remote in
my handddddddddddddddddddddddddd,

blood guts and big *****
tv knows about everything
STD results and Wars on Terror
my favorite cartoons
McDonalds has a new sandwich
i am not the father
Lindsay's back in jail
stage collapse smushes ***** couple
scientists report, transfat is a-okay
President's schtupping an intern
moonbase has a ******* epidemic
i think i want to grow up to be a juicehead
45 dead in pakistani drone strike
i figure,
they'll just re-spawn or
I'll wish them back
when I collect the dragonballs

anthrax in the mail and
feet on the beaches
eyes in the sky
eyes from under

bomb threat at my school
mom had me
stay home
and
munch on some chips
watch the tv

whole foods white wine
gluten-free sugarless ambrosia
2.99
or 49.99
silver spoons & china glasses
or Burger King™ waxy wrap

matters not in the end
it all turns to
****

"a mecha bug
impossibly small
beady compound eye
cute little botfl  y  antennae
recording Me

sleepyhead
as I lay down
in my bed
embedding its little body
in my dreamcloud that's
above my head
in my   bed

all my prayers + wishes
all my luck gifts from God
the robo-pede
uploads it's buzz code

And the scheiße repeats
tonight then tomorrow,
1 then 2,
2night then 2morrow
one then two

...the tides swoop upon and siege the beaches
seafoam tickles my toes
***** shuttle back to their
Mother Ocean
pink clouds are entitled to this sundown
and they form like milk puddles on the horizon
and then I face it,
in these soft conditions,
I love you
reaching over to you
tiny electrical signals from my soul
jump across space and touch your hand
and, a warm
glow emits.

I'm writing a story
It's like a Disney flick
With a princess and all

The princess is beautiful
& kind
And  sings
But
She finds an ancient gem
Full of power and wealth
It acts on her dreams
Colluding with reality
Trick-or-treat

Later
She finds herself in peril
she's stalked
By 1 million mirrors
Parroting her every move
Lurking around every corner

They catch-up with the princess
Ghastly clouded    mirrors
Hovering + being
There.

Stalked by 1 million mirrors

Until they are
Upon her

An innocence is within you
If you believe to care

The porcine
The polluted
The users
The diluted.

Don't waste your pearls

the glass jar
full to the brim; steaming
teaming with drowsiness

he left it
out
lid-less
7 pages ,
front & back
he said he had so much to say
he could've gone on for
biblical lengths
he drove 45 minutes out of his way
just to say
nothing
Only glare

he said he thought about me
for the last 3 days
even more at nighttime
in the dark room
unhinged; TV on
I unfriended him nervously
phonecall
phonecall
phonecall
phonecall
phonecall


voi­cemail

.
I looked
Thru the glass at a trembling lil thing
Beady eyes of a worried gerbil
In a worrisome place

The Petco by my house had
Everything you could have
-almost

Rhino's, Daffodil's
Lynx's, Gecko's & even
Alaskan Klee Kai's

Wrapped up in Saran wrap
Or in little glass cages
With little bobbly water dispensers
And kindly placed dishes
Holding nifty pellets of tasty food
That fits their Specialized Diet Plan

They don't have elephants yet

We'll have to ask the manager to order
some of those

Everyone is a joke
Says the clown

Her mother has lung cancer
Crack a joke
He's crying because I bullied him
Crack a joke
He killed himself a week later
Crack a joke

Hysteria
Loud blowhard laughter
Bulging blood-shot tear-filled eyes
Butterflies eating your intestines-

Serious nothing.
Everyone's always your plaything
You say it's because you're Albanian.
Male.
Because you just-dont-care.
Because we're all stupid.
Hypersensitive.
That's a cop out-

I think,
You're just a clown.

I went hunting with my dad once
Around August or September
I was younger but old enough to remember

Windhowls of the deep forests
Sounded like owls everywhere
Straying from our camper - I didn't dare

It didn't take long
   It was almost too soon
Anticlimactic & too simple to be true

Just planted ontop of the weeds
Just a few feet into the brush
Lay a pile of stuff

Disshevled and unkempt
Motionless and covered in burrs
Save for the sleight of a gust to weave thru its fur

The bones weren't white or polished
The cartoons had misled
It sat there in pieces & browning, instead

Skeletal, like random things tossed together
A velcro roadkill tumbleweed
Dried out and unable to bleed.

My dad told me it was a coyote
   I thought,
There's no way that was a coyote - a coyote?

It's just a pile of stuff

He had a gold tooth
Right in front

I thought;
A hideous feature
Worse though
Was his aroma -
Certain death & ****
& Liquor.

He screeched some babble at me
I didn't understand
And he got angrier.
'What does this ***
Want from me?'

Unlocked my car
I got in
Slammed the door
Lock.

His index finger
Pointing at me as I drove away

Mysterious strangers everywhere
No
Cool kids I don't know to care about
No
People I don't care about
Period

Red solo cup fuckery
A blasted home ;
Can't move without bumping shoulders
Looks like a neon lion den
Pop-dance factory ambience
Reeks of B.O. and beer
I'm embarrassed to be here

Everyone here bought the
I-can-be-anyone lie of the century
I'm embarrassed to be here

Justice is a *****
With claws
Miles and miles and miles
Guillotine jaws
And when she throws the book at you
It's 1000 pounds
With a curse in every clause.

And when those swords
Turn in on you
It's miles and miles of claws
To wring you out
In a razorblade chokehold you won't ever

forget.

We were so different
It was amazing we even bothered with one another

He was solid gold & tailored
A Rothschild's son
Might as well have been -

I was romantic.
Somehow we found love
Like we stumbled into the lost library of Alexandria
"Not supposed to happen"
Read a disclaimer under us

We didn't read it.

But sometimes
One summer is fleeting
One summer is unplanned
And 'we' didn't fit into his / my future
I always forget finales anyway,

But it was real
I swear on my life it was

Lover, I only want your love now
And now
And now
And now
And now
And now
And now
And now
∞

During you
Us
I was in the eye of the Hurricane

Following the centre
I thought
Maybe I could just hang with you

And avoid the walls of sheer cold as it moved
But
That's only a matter of time

When a hurricane dies down
The windwalls collapse
The thing kills itself in frenzy

It collapses into a lightning storm
Then a tornado of slush
And then indecisive icy silence

And I can't escape
Ever
Regardless of you

Wish I knew

you're all bothered about going out,
meeting a noble guy, looking around for him...
you're an acquired taste
my dear boy
just stay home.

the bleeding
what will I do with all your blood?
what will you do without it?
you & the handmirror are tired,
my dear girl
stay home.

in the opera the singers sing,
the audience pays attention,
follow my script,
and stay home
it will guide you to Happiness.

You're a freak
Sorry I let that leak but
out in that world there is no one
for you.
You're unique.

I know you're mad at me
You think I'm cruel or wrong.
I know those tears are salty and
I know better.
You should stay home forever.

Sterilized

Bleached-bone island head
I was transfixed by him
This man who
Looked me in the soul and
And knew it all
This man who stood tall
Clean-cut / a broad salt statue

Mom always told me to
Be skeptical of men who said they knew it all
But this man I loved I loved I loved

He was judas minus heresy
Stained glass saint man
I loved I loved I loved him
My mind mix / Myself
And who I saw in him what I thought I could be

Gutters in his face
Made for the tears he wept
For everyone else.

I think it was those tears
That magnetized
Hypnotized & electrified
Every un-part of me

Sometimes most days almost always
When I
Scrounging stuck in traffic
Unknown mayflies driving the cars around
Insectoid feelers grasping the wheel
When I
Bones of lava boiling over
Teeth everywhere and pointy
I hypothesize:

A mass extinction event or
A pandemic colony collapse
Wouldn't be
Too bad

I'm dreaming and saying
Hello to you

I walk up to who
I think is you
They turn around; some other face
I repeat this in the dream
Over & over
And with each letdown
I never think twice
Before walking up to the next
Turned head
To see if it's you
Over & over
A dreamdate conundrum
It felt so real

Come home
But you don't.

I am counting twelve pairs of ribs lining the perimeters
of my torso
Boney Me
Asthenia fingers
Wasted knees and knuckles
Pricking the hard chords on my chest-guitar
Misery eyes -- Dashing around in dustbin sockets
My head like a raisin with skull-shaped framing
****** inward
Looking at the dead animals guilting me
Looking at the withering plants begging for water
Evil food.

Attracted to the mirror
I know only this
Only what I see -- And I see a sow.

Lost in this possibly regrettable movement
Towards
Skeletons
Boney Me
Looking at the evil food
I tell it that I hate it and that it will never be me

I tell it I want to be like the flossy ones on magazines
Thin to skinny to boney
Boney me smoking an e-cig
I defeat the evil foods tonight
Surviving on primal back-up spirits
Surviving for the hope of closeness
Maybe
I can waste away all this skin
And finally see my own heart.

Everything I ever knew
Bundled in a waft of air
Weaving thru
Branches of the deep forest

Everything she ever knew
Left in a compact she dropped
Buried under
Thin layer of snow in the deep forest

Bright-colored tape stood out to me.

I walked & followed a line of blue tape
Crunching branches and leaf's under my boots
Holding the tape like a stair-rail 
A lifeline.
The opposite hand waving off twigs.

The blue tape ran into a red tape that
Came from another forest corner
I ran into a yellow and a navy blue tape line, too
Soon, tape from everywhere, every color in the mist

The fog of the deep forest seemed to condense and
Flow
Down to wherever these lines led
Hundreds of different tape lines
Used by campers to track their way back
To track their way back.

I held onto this story and followed
All the way into deep forest sanctuary

They all met at this dark spot.
A massive entanglement of rainbow'ed tape
Swaying like a hammock 
Held frozen in the mid-canopy 
A complicated dizzying web; 

I stopped there,
in awe of a feeling I got
                                         someone felt *missing.

Planes fly into the towers
Planes fly from out the craters in the towers

Black plumes of smoke choke the sky
Windowless planes flying into the towers
And now another, now another
The towers rattle
Planes take-off from in the fire
And go off into the city, into the stars
into our minds.
Planes like laser-lights, jetting off,
imprinting themselves
into our minds.

Over and over and over and over
and over and over and over
There were as many as 1,000 planes
or more.

Desks, glass-shards, people 
High-heels, telephones, people
Falling, smashing down from the towers
A Warholian dream 
Dying icons on every TV set, 24 hour access
On every channel 
For months on end
On end

Headlines recoiled by an antichrist 
Rumors he was in Pakistan
In Switzerland, at the mall
In your mind.

The towers burn forever
The towers burn forever
Frozen in pixels online
In our minds.

A baby girl
Killed by her mother
Drowned in a bathtub

*Tune in at 9:30 for heated debate!

It's all that matters you poor ****
Now step away from my gold ring, menace

Nothing makes you feel so
[small and helpless] 
than not having enough change
to buy an outfit 
one that'll show the world you aren't 
passé.
Nothing out there can make you feel so [stupid & less]
Than having to pick the "cheap one"
Forced; *****; 
And then you go home...
You think you've escaped
You turn up a ****** radio
Watch some show you videotaped -
But it still persists. The knowing.
You're nothing and you know it
Day in day out, you, the rabble
Peasant peon misfit,
Nothing makes you feel so 
[tiny & invisible]. 
$$$ is all that matters. 

you, anti-tycoon
you don't have any money
the demon of noon
is coming for you.

hi
I don't know what 2 say
Im marty and I am a man
I live in plymouth
and I drive a mini van
my fav things are
pizza friends music and my dog tracy
I play games online alone
and I am a paperboy
and my family lives overseas
dating is not my thing
so I am on this site.
and I want to fall in love.
and my fav movies are
**** bill jaws jurasic park and **** bill 2
I don't know what 2 say

maybe you liked my profile 
so send me a msg or
cyber-roses or a digital chocolate box
or click the flirt button
I like to talk sometimes
when I get lonesome.

By & by
Backwards 
Forwards.

A day of mine (I think)
Goes by. briskly and open.

Seconds of an hour
Haunters grow from them
Wil-o-the-wisps
On a crisp white noon.

The fertilizer is you
Rather
A ghost of you

Still residing
Inside of me (I don't mind really)

This sentient ectoplasm is
Not sad; it's warmth.
Sayonara aspartame
And hello sweet acceptance

Acceptance:

I'm left hazy,
& dreamy.
Your fireflies will go off and on
But;
Everytime you float around
I will look for you.
Everytime.

30,000 feet + monstrous clouds
Between me
And the ground.
Ears crackling like a deserted radio signal

These people & I
Up in the high

All the way up.

the night was already crazy-wild by the time
we arrived at Jarred's pool.
he had a big house but we never went in

4 teens, teen dream, a dream team;
but I knew deep down just what it was
we snuck out for.

a "transform-optional" rite, this hollow night.
but I still had doubts...
as Jarred offered me an aluminum can of something and I nervously said, "no thank you",
the moon had proudly jut out

he had a big house but we never went in.

I hadn't noticed, without the moonlight, just how
sharp Jarred's teeth and fingernails were.
canines, ivory & sporadic. looking at me

I hadn't noticed how reptilian our 2 friends were
The fangs and dislocating jaws, tendrils & scales.
Man-o-war for a head, giant earthworm for an arm
She looked scarier than he.

Those 2 went at each other in a murderous way
A blood sport of sorts. Confusing to me.
She spread her jaws wide - a parachute with teeth
And bit down hard between his legs.

Blood everywhere. Blood spattered on her face
She looked ****** god-awful by then.
The meat of his dead body then re-animated
And assimilated with hers. Anabiosis + Differentiate

Jarred, a werewolf or something like it, approached me.

He had a big house but we never went in.

we chatted poolside for a while
he'd go harmoniously from monster to human, human to monster.
Boiling cancerous growths under his fur
Grew angry eyes that glared at me.
clawhand on the back of my neck,
he went in for a kiss (or a bite)
with a puckered face and bared teeth.

This is it.
I finally felt a grossness so profound that I,
without thinking, jumped in the pool
to splish-splash, cool, to escape, whatever

I opened my eyes and just floated there for a bit.
hanging in the stillness
trying to forget those alien freaks
staring up at the moon
from the bottom of a pool.

wallowing in myself

the rain stops outside
been at it for days.

I walk
to my bathroom everytime
and everytime
the tarantula creeps or darts from
under the toilet seat

and then his little brother from out
the sink drain; I'm on the crazy train now
appalled, I die back into my room

It's raining again.

You're a thumping aggressive *******
I fight you, I hate you
I love you, too 

You're a beast with no care 
You stomp on my life
You stomp on my soul
Like King Kong on a truck
Or Genghis Khan to a neck 
You've only been here to win

A huge body of heavy hard muscle
Barreling down at me
A two-ton man, you are
You truly are. You truly are.

Heated & selfish
You're sickened by my weaknesses
A King of kings indeed.

I can't tell if you even hate me back
So I'll say goodbye now, to the man who ruled
Over my personal Iron Age;
Your eyes are empty animalian jewels
And
I'll be fooled
No more.

We've got nothing to do &
Nowhere to go

It's a quiet late afternoon
An orange ambient sky
+ you & I

Under the oak tree in
My family's ranch

Coming from toxic homes and
Chemical airs and dying American dreams

Coming from crying-baby apartments
And alcohol-bottle floors

Both laying down here thinking we
Hadn't had a fair chance

Until we found each other.

And as the sun sinks into the land
Our shade spreads out everywhere

And as the cars create a muffled roar
Just past the tree-line,
I think,

"Maybe one day we'll be
Anywhere but here"

I could listen to this shiny song
as many times as I wanted
here, at 4am, 
imagining you were here listening in some
onlooking crowd of fanatical people
thinking out loud what I'm singing
hearing what I mean through the lyrics and
believing.
make you make me believe it.

But it wouldn't matter.
you don't know me 
and
I'll just go
to bed now.