i carry the ocean with me
between my lungs and heart
crashing lullabies
silver foamed crescendos
the way sea mirrors sky
& when I cry it looks
as if i’m coming up for air
it feels only a bit like crying
and a lot like letting go
salt in my veins
long lost the feeling of dehydration
more like trying to bring me home again
after being terribly homesick for years
dreaming a dream of the sea the day i let it go
keeping pieces of it with me always
the dead center of the ocean
lies closest to my heart
why my mother never took to the waves
“too cold” she always said
sand avoidance just in case
what disney would be
if no one went to find nemo
Latin for nobody
a point quite possibly never
seeing a single visitor
incessant knocking
shattering the windows
beating at the panes
let me in
please
but I helped build reason for the windows
and the lock
handed away the key
but forgot to keep one for myself
planted four flowers
but only watered three
tide after tide
never far off
tide after tide
almost reaching you but never quite
following my mother
between the resting tides
i carry the ocean with me
inside my saltwater soul

don’t say it if you don’t mean it
because i won’t forget
i won’t forget like the
sidewalk forgets about the chalk
after it rains
i’ll remember
because as stoic
as cold as i
may seem
even though it’s easy for you
i can’t let it all go
i can’t forget watching the sunset
fade knowing exactly what time it
is by the shadows cast on your walls
or the day that you caught a glimpse
of the fire in my eyes,
starting a darting tango
a dynamic duo
two fires burning twice as bright
forest fire girl
burning down everything
built around her but
sure putting on one hell of a show
keep coming back on the odd day
that you miss me
it gets harder to find me each time
slow dancing in a burning room
maybe we weren’t meant to be
as this only burns things faster
the day you leave the rivers flood
but i cover the drunken riverbeds
in ashes just the way you left me
and it is quiet
you’ll come back, you always do
every breath is black
living in frozen, wasted fragments
our love is red
& you’re back
i am raw cracked and new
each time you touch me the
ferris wheel of my heart spins
and all of the seats don’t feel
so **** empty any more
you’ll leave and come back
and still
each touch is a violin string
plucked, a new instrument
in our orchestra
a new weapon in our war
burning bridges from who
i am to who you want me
to be
our love is red
but it would be a sin
to break tradition
you used to say I was your
favorite color
just shy of auburn
but as i burn,
i realize i am just shy of a
lot of things, somehow
dodging the love I lust
for the most
& you realized that just
like shy of auburn, the
color red wasn’t for you
no one wants the lonely girl
forest fire girl
the mess just small enough
to ignore
to sweep under the rug of ashes
& messes before
because like i said, i don’t forget
i’m an old habit & didn’t you
always say that old habits
die hard?

maybe it’s time to taste the sea

sometime during the day
the sun called her
and it spoke
it came in the form of a gray butterfly
(not everything is as it seems)
and it told her how important it is
to find your dream and hold tight
cool water over her head
it told her how summer goes fast
and creating may seem silly
but only to those who don’t understand
it said in wingbeats
steady and rhythmic , “
never stop writing in the morning
but for your sake girl, get some sleep
I won’t take it personally if you don’t stay awake
just to greet me in my youth-
just as you can’t follow the light into the horizon
you cannot beat the mourning”
it said to her softly in the blinks of sapphire eyes ,  “
elephants never forget
but they forgive
spring means rebirth,
not rain to wallow in
and
weeds matter just as much as the flowers planted there on purpose
silly girl,
take a day to read
and run fast but don’t live that way
it flew away eventually
disappeared into a green tree
in a meadow of wish flowers
sometimes the best things in life are quiet


the mountain range called night
enveloped her
the stars stood still
and she thought she could fly
see what was real
why she was born
the magic sensation of belonging
the rain felt like night too
and the winter sound wasn’t deafening
it was just loud enough
to  be a favorite memory
something worth holding on to
like an alliance
how memories feel
you and me
together
against the tests of time
even when it’s standing still
the little blue house and the blue girl
one night they ran
right the way the butterfly came and went
past the green tree thicket
and the field of wish flowers
and they
never
came
back