This one is different
I promise
He said he thinks about
Me
Long term

This one is different
I swear
You’d be surprised
The romantic way
He treats me
Like a human being

This one is different
I know I’ve said that before
But please
This time
You’ll listen right
Because
This one is different

Night fades into
morning
Life fades into
yawning

do we have them or do they have us

I love you
like no one before
I love you
like I was free

You are careless about
my love
yesterday you left it in a carpark
while you shopped
today you forgot all about it
while you golfed
while you dined and whined
and laughed out loud
last night you dropped it at the door
of a club
You are careless about my love
you are careless
about
my
love

This is nice
I said
this is love
he said
no
this is just nice
like
I said.

I'm bleeding.
I know, I know.
Silly of me to talk about myself.
But I'm bleeding.
Paper towels and trails of blood
won't cover the way I felt.
It's embarrassing...
The blood on the floor.
But you did... hurt me...

It's all just numbers, isn't it?
Day by day,
Year by year,
Always counting.

Day by day look at the number on the scales.
Let the caloric calculator count until your head is filled with numbers.

Minute by minute count the seconds it takes for him to text you back.
Let the doubt and fear multiply until your head is full of him.

Term by term let a percentage on a piece of paper define your worth.

Don't we have better things to do than count?

i spent my life trying to please
someone with a twisted disease
i broke myself down
and tucked my feelings away
to become the person
they wanted me to be
i let myself be watched
through the glass of a two sided mirror
of a sociopath
i wallowed my spirit away
and begged for acceptance
but there’s nothing in the world
that i could do
to let the narcissist know
that i am human too

-


all my mistakes in life
add weight to a scale
of self-judgement–

so far i sense
a balance—

yet it feels to me like
i've let so much ballast
get washed overboard...




s jones
2022



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