He laughs at me

When I arch my back

Trying to get the last drop

let's go fishing
with each others
cans of worms,
trading off,
like a game,
explaining each
as they attract a bite;
let's see who wins first,
you challenged,
and i agreed.
my first catch:
my family's constant
biting at my heels,
insisting for the
"perfect"
version of myself
as I explain to them
"as soon as I reach Utopia,
it is no longer Utopia."
yours:
the demon eating away
at your lungs and
esophagus
shaped like burning tobacco
in a cylindrical prison;
you cough up burnt bills,
bank accounts, family pictures
(your future ones) in pain.
mine:
a gnawing in my stomach,
constant and demanding,
and addiction to be craved
by shaking fingers
scratching backs of throats,
tinged fiery,
tinged fatally;
black spots in peripheral.
yours:
tiny teeth up and down
your arms and legs
eyes to the brain
head to the sky
thoughts to the blank spots
of the universe
your addiction that curses mine
and maintains better.
mine:
eyes dull
mind dull
hands dull
feet dull
mouth dull
life dull
i've stared at you blankly for months
and all you can do is stare blankly back
yours:/mine:
a monster is tearing you up inside
the dullness is fighting
but so is the fire
we mingle
we dance
we tumble into the fishing pond
and drown?

we could not breathe above
yet we cannot breath below

not mine, it is hers
and she is gone now.

She took me in
I took care of her and she taught
me how to love unconditionally.

Now in her chair I sit sad and uncomfortable.
Around me surrounds a heavy air.
A memory of our last saying,
I love you.

I made a promise to her, on her dying day,
to take care of RJ and Wally ,
Miss kitty, Mandy, Trouble, Blinky, Inky, Nod,
and two more grey kittys.

I will try, Marge. With all my heart.

I know they miss you.

But, not half as much as I do.

I'm thankful for the rain,
For it covers my tears.

I'm thankful that it's cold,
For it excuses my shaking.