Thursday nights,
Here we are alone, together again.
How I often I looked at the moon and stars and thought of you
**** me up life, my heart was broken.
The absolutely clear I don’t want you and not tonight
Yet,
Here you are in my head.
******* and the thoughts of you.

how cumbersome my love has become
you bare it with your powdered teeth
and your nonchalant wishes
the weight of my unrest too burdensome not to bear
take my glass heart and dig the foundations of your life

charisma wasn't enough to pull her from this ledge
she wailed at the sun
how dare the universe poke fun at her
how dare that perfect alignment of stars
eventually break apart
and point towards the north
that was not her future anymore

I need you.  
But more so I want you.  
I want all of you.  
I want your body and I want your mind and I want your hand in mine and I want all those ****** up parts of yourself you may not like.  
I want to explore your body like a map and uncover the pieces of you you thought were lost.

here we stand again
at the precipice of our indifference
i wont stand on this ledge anymore with you
i wont cling to the idea of a future
i am tired of waiting for the wind to kick up my dandelion wishes
and give me more than this delicate balance of tears and smiles and being alone together
this ghost of what we could have been follows me from room to room
heavy atmospheres and wilted ambiance whisper at us
all my words they fall on your dead ears
they fall and shatter forever embedding shards of ourselves in each other
each step another sharp reminder of that almost perfect future
dust off my smile and maybe i will give that to you
and you can break it along with all the other pieces of me you blew from the palm of your hand into the wind.

the sunshine carries away those last remnants of you
motes of dust filled with you ride sunbeams out my windows
will i ever see you again
i can still taste you on my lips and in my mouth
i can still feel your hand on my knee as we tried to not die
we should have taken all that love and buried it
buried it in the ground along with our hopes and dreams
we should have never smiled those smiles
and laugh those laughs

we should never have...

all these tiny signs i choose to ignore
id rather die that see whats standing right in front of me
i wish the truth would stop shouting in my face
i cant cover my ears anymore
i cant cover my eyes anymore

i just cant