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 Jun 2015 crystallaiz
Dirt Witch
Your hands are ink
Staining all that you touch with your singular finger print
We all get lost.
I get lost,
In it's ridges and complexities
Perpetually held in wondrous confusion
You are black coffee
Pumping into all of my veins,
Alive
Like a rush of oxygen to my blood
You are my siren
Luring me to the edge
I see the parts of me you tore apart glistening just below,
But I can't resist
All of your music
Makes my memories of pain
Nothing more than a light breeze
Barely rustling strands of hair
You are a white sun I can't help but stare at
Even as I go blind
While I am a candle
Dull and lifeless
In the presence of your intensity
You are an unruly sea
Your magnitude uneffected
By my timid presence
I love you for all the reasons you hurt me.
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
I’ve tattooed a line across
the veins of my wrist
and marked a down stroke
for every time
“you can’t wear red lipstick”
made me believe
I never wanted to in the first place.

for every time instead
I’ve stained my lips with cherries
learning how to tie the stems
so I can slip forget-me-knots
to the back of your throat—
do you feel my restriction now?

the razors that fly off my tongue
perk thorns on my skin,
another down stroke on my wrist
will teach me that
you were right,
shyness is a virtue.

no need to speak,
go spend one hundred dollars
and some percent for tax
to cover up,
even though I’m sure your mother told you
that cotton stains.

so make it black.
get your hair stuck
in the zipper of that sundress
and pray as you pull it out
that it will lose its pigmentation
in the process
mark a down stroke
for killing two flowers
for one bouquet.

hold it
close your eyes and throw it back,
I know we shouldn’t be wearing white anyway
but tradition can take a lot out of you
like what you really think—
don’t say **** in public.

instead drag your first impressions
all the way to the altar
and dress in your Sunday best
a flower on your lapel
clear on your lips
a stroke for the neat decline
of the son

I tattooed a line across
the veins of my wrist
and marked a down stroke
for every time
my image
was my fault.
 May 2015 crystallaiz
Pigeon
The sun is three planets away,
But you and I still burn like we live on it
 Apr 2015 crystallaiz
AE
thoughts
 Apr 2015 crystallaiz
AE
they put me on pills again
they said it would make me feel better
that I wouldn't be sad anymore
but the shaking is worse
now I can't leave my room
because I'm scared of dying
I'm scared of confrontation
because I'm scared of people.
I don't want to get hurt
and now my palms are clammy
face flushed pale.
inhale
every things gonna be ok right?
exhale
it didn't work
I'm not fixed
the anxiety is still here
and its eating me alive
my mother thinks I'm insane
and my sister is scared of me
I just want to be alone
but I need someone to hold me
to tell me that it's alright
when I know it's not.
the nice people in the white coats
said I would get better
but I blame them
this isn't normal
how can wanting to die,
but live at the same time,
be normal?
 Mar 2015 crystallaiz
Mel
I’m starting to believe
that falling in love is just a hoax.
It’s completely twisted,
and if you’ve ever been in love,
you’d know.
You find someone you fancy,
someone you can imagine being with
until the end of time.
And it’s in that moment,
that you fall - you fall in love.
You begin to give your all,
your love, attention,
your time, and affection.
But in this imperfect world,
nothing is equal,
and nothing stays the same.
You can fight it all you want,
but seasons will change -
regardless of how much you try to seize the day.
But being in love impairs you.
You become blind to things
that are as apparent as
the tears that stream down your face.
You tell yourself it’s okay,
you brush it aside.
And it’s in that moment that you fall.
You literally fall.
You crash to the ground,
and I swear to God all your bones break.
You’re completely shattered,
but you don’t notice
because you’ve got this beautiful boy
whispering in your ear,
and kissing your neck -
and nothing else matters.
You’re in the moment,
and all is well.
But then he leaves,
and you suddenly feel it.
You feel everything.
And then you’re hysterically crying
on some bench in the neighborhood,
because it’s the only place
that doesn’t taste like him.
But still, you carry on,
day after day,
in this crazy, unrelenting cycle,
that we humans call love.
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