Is this more than you bargained for?
you dont have enough tissues to soak up the blood and you wanted this didnt you?
I wrote the gospel on giving up
you read my text and took every letter to heart imagining the power behind my apathy
Dance, dance, we're falling apart to halftime
just keep jumping and moving and keep yourself sunk in the crowd of poisoned children
And you can **** me, **** me*
It doesnt matter how many times I say it, just shoot me, oh ******* hell **** me now, you think it's just words out of mouths but ***** lips are not making a joke.

His eyes are grey-blue like the frozen sheet over a lake of
Infathomable
Fear.
His eyes are soft and sharp at the same time like the sweet kiss of metal and they’re dark like holes in my heart
His eyes are open wide and his pupils dilate when he looks at me and I don’t need to ask when he’s that close because I can tell from the softness of his breath and his fingertips
That
He loves me
Like falling rain that runs down my glasses or plaid flannel shirts that we cannot abandon,
His eyes are light when he looks at me and they gloss over like clear nail polish when he walks into a crowded room, animal instincts wide open with fingernails he doesn’t know he is hurting me but I let him hold my hand as tightly as he needs to.

If cursing you
or crying rivers
or breaking pens and
pencils
or marring the sculpture
I had so lovingly made
of your face
or taking pills
or cutting skin
or drinking blood
or pinning eyes
or pinching shoulders
or pulling hair
or lashing legs
or inflicting pain
however
could erase the pain,

I would.

i didnt know
that my cousins birthday party was today and so
i shoved bleeding legs into jeans
and pulled a plaid shirt over the
parts of my skin that are wide open
and i
ate the safe things and pressed tears back into the dark
circles below my eyes
found a scale upstairs and pale blue display pulled me in
i dont know any of the things that the
teenaged girls one year older than me
think
im just a fractured kid
one year younger than them
but worlds apart

Dear, please, listen to what I’m saying I know you don’t want to hear me say that I care. Sweetheart, don’t convince yourself that you are anything but lovely, please don’t let your skin become a sheet of paper but if you do, please come to me and let me see and let me hold you and let me fix it. My dear, your hair is wild, reaching up for the sky trying to fly you away but please never think that it is only prevented by the number on the scale, please never listen to protruding ribcages and Cassie Ainsworth. Darling, you do not need to love yourself in order to have other people love you, and anyone who truly loves you will help you learn to love your own sweet self. And sweetness, your kiss is like chocolate and your fingertips are like sunshine, your tears are like icicles that fall from the roof and every drop that soaks into your bedspread is like an icy dagger pressing against my chest. Baby, you put on your armor- your MCR t-shirt, your crop-top, your baggy jeans, your thrift-store hoodie, your high-waisted shorts. Put on that armor my love because nobody should ever make you feel bad for feeling good. Everything passing through that beautiful head of yours is worthy, valid, real.
everything you are is something for me to love.

Burning
Ruined
Open wounds
Killing everything you dont like about yourself
Emptiness
Nobody knows