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Makayla Nov 2018
I wanted to know if you'd want a letter
If I were to leave
But I told myself it wouldn't matter;
They wouldn't care

So I stared at your name
And thought about how you'll go to school
But I won't be there

How I won't just be home, sick
I'll be found dead by my mother when she goes to wake up my siblings but asks her boyfriend to open the bathroom door instead
For the door is locked, my shoes and bag are near the front door still, and there's no response

I thought about how you'd find out about my death
If the school would be told and they'd announce it
Maybe you'd stumble upon a newspaper and see my obituary
Or maybe a part of you would just know

I reminded myself of people I love
How I'm scared of what happens after I die
And the thoughts of what hell could be like
I tried to tell myself God would understand
But nobody would care about me;
I deserve to suffer like the ******* I am

I ask myself what my final words should be
But I can't think of anything original and deep to say
So all I can say is I apologize for what I've done
And I hope you forgive me, let go, and move on to have a happy life
Feel free to share revision ideas :)
  Nov 2018 Makayla
hj
Bless her
Standing at the window
Wondering whether she should collect it
Or let it flow

Bless her
Bless her soul
Holding the pills
That wouldn't have been made if they knew who they'd ****

Bless her
Bless her soul
Questioning
if she'd ever feel whole
Hiding the pain inside
Tangle and untangle
Wind and unwind

Bless a girl
The world has torn
Bless her soul
That grew so tired
Bless her story
That lay untold
After her pieces
Fell to the floor
Bless her
And rest her soul
Bless her
Bless her soul
....
  Nov 2018 Makayla
Thorns
I'm depressed sometimes suicidal
     It's okay, I'm okay (no I'm not)
No effing pill could fix this
     Pills **** anyway, don't want that ****
I'm sorry this is bad, don't be a hater just let me be depressed
     And maybe if you had a heart you would end my suffering
Depressed...
  Nov 2018 Makayla
the black rose
suicidal girl.
she was broken,
disturbed..
couldn’t handle what he’d done.
never talked about it once,
no not to anyone.
she bottled it up,
held it in a safe.
so hard to unlock,
no sign, not a trace.
cut deeper wounds instead.
blood all over the floors,
blood dried up on her bed.
14 years old.
scars,
from head to toe.
scars,
nobody knows.
can’t let anyone know.
sweaters in the summer heat.
can’t let anyone see.
suicidal girl,
how cruel the world can be.
time heals & so will you from everything that tries to break you ❤️
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