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  Nov 2018 Makayla
yoshi
Hey mom?
Listen, i have to confess
I scream at a mirror which only reflects
My pain and fears i cannot cease
so both my wrists i’ve slashed and creased
Hey mom?
The doctor gave me these pills
He said they’d help me feel
As if i would be okay
But honestly? Nothing’s changed.
Hey mom?
I started crying in class
No, nothing’s really wrong
I just started
And couldn’t stop…
Hey mom?
Everything’s gotten worse
I think i need help
These thoughts always curse
Mom!?
Please listen, don’t turn
Your head away as if
You can’t hear my begs
MOM!?
Im bleeding from my arms
Ive reopend old scars
I’m counting pills as i swallow…
1, 2, 3, 4 ,5 ,6….10, 13,
Then...my vision was swallowed
Mom…
Hey….
The doctors say i have to stay
They said last night
I could have died
Then it would have counted as suicide
Mom…
What do you mean
You had no clue?
I wrote and begged
I gave you clues!?
All the words you would even speak
Is a simple
“It’s not depression, you’re just weak”
  Nov 2018 Makayla
buckettears
"The sun will still rise tomorrow if I **** myself"

"Flowers will still bloom if I **** myself"

"The radio will still play upbeat music if I **** myself."

Yes, these things will keep happening. But you know what else will happen?

All the lovers you've had will hold close the pieces of you they have left and wonder if it was something they did that caused it. Your younger siblings will wish that they had slept in your bed more often because now that you're gone they hardly remember the comfort that they had sleeping next to you. Your older siblings will think about times you were upset and they never asked what was wrong. Your best friends will become shells of themselves, beating themselves up for not realising you were not okay. Your mother will not be able to walk through the door of the house without looking for your shoes on the mat, and wondering if you did this to yourself because she yelled at you for tracking dirt. Your father will not drink his morning coffee on the couch, because he remembers how many times you sat there with him and ate your cereal.

Yes, the sun will rise, the flowers will bloom, and the radio will play happy songs. But without you, we do not want the sun to rise, because another day is too painful. We do not want to see flowers, because how dare the world show us something beautiful when you cannot appreciate it. We do not want to hear any music, because it reminds we will never see you dance again.
So reach out. For yourself and others. Everyone is worthy and deserving of life and another chance.
Makayla Nov 2018
I'm finished and I'm done
Now everyone knows
Feel free to share revision ideas :)
  Nov 2018 Makayla
Popleocan
4:00 a.m again.
The bluegreen lanterns fly the sky,
Guding me home.

My eyes fall like bricks.
Sinking into the water,
The overflowing madness in my mind.
Salted by the drops within my eyes.

As the water begins to stir,
My mind becomes a blur.
Blackened liquid waves rage in a craze

Winter winds blow.
Send ice and snow.
As i toss a match to set the wave
Ablaze.

This clawing red monster,
I let her grow stronger.
She takes my hand,
Tell's me she'll show me the way.

A turn of the wheel,
A press of the foot,
And all i know
Turned to soot.

And then my friend.
That winter wind.
Turns back the wheel once again.
The ash and gloom,
My blazing doom.
Only the beast of my heavyset eyes.

That bluegreen mist, lighting the skies.
And those lanterns float, my guides.

Tighten my grip on the wheel,
While gently caressing the pedal.

It's 4:01 a.m again.
Those late nights coming home from work...
Makayla Nov 2018
What's it matter Makayla?
You're nothing to everyone.
Feel free to share revision ideas :)
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