call it the year of uncertainty.
stuck waiting for my days to feel less confusing and for myself to stop feeling so **** dizzy as a result.
can't stop pondering what crazy ride
this year has in store me.
i thought the change last year brought about was exhilarating
yet exhausting. all i can hope is that
someway, somehow i'm ready for what this year is going to bring.
maybe this is the year sparks finally fly for me in the romance department
or maybe this is the year i fully grow to discover and love myself first.
or maybe this is the year i break down because my heart gets shattered into more pieces than it can handle.
or possibly worse this might be the year i fully lose myself in the whirlwind of my own life.
i really don't know, all I do know is i hope and pray to keep my sanity.

feeling used
but i'm still
missing you

and i can't see
the end of this
just wanna feel
your kiss against
my lips and now
all this time is
passing by and i
just can't seem to
tell you that it hurts
to see you realize
how much i need you

"I'm used to it," she numbly says.
And that's how you knew she was broken.

the christmas lights glisten
as your eyes once did.
i want to be more vibrant and bright
than the lights,
but it appears that when you left-
you stripped my world of color.

now you're just a shade of grey
that still consumes my thoughts.
i know you don't care,but:
I've figured out ways to color in the vibrancy and brightness of my life
that fortunately for me doesn't involve YOU.

I stood there and watched him kiss her. And all I wanted to do was rip out her bleeding heart and wedge it between my hands, squeezing it so that in some way his pain would heal my pain.