I hope you never reach
The day
Where you are lost for words
Because they're tangled up in
Agony.

I hope you never reach
The point
Where your innocence of
The world is
Robbed.

I hope you choose
Your friends and
Lovers wisely
So that you never have to
Discover what it feels like
To see those who you believed
Would take a bullet for you
Dance behind the
Trigger.

I look for you in
every song.

I have this dream that I'm a failed 1940's housewife.
And I can't get this image out of my mind.

I swear I left the iron on,
The sink is overflowing,
The roast it burning,
The twins are crying,
The washing machine is pouring out suds.
And my husband gets home....
It's a mess.

He tries to put me in my place,
Apparently I must be submissive.
He tries to **** me in the kitchen
To prove his possession of me.
I yell and scream and
When he doesn't stop....
The knives were just.....
Too close to my end of the counter.

My lawyer pleads insanity.
I just plead.

In love, there is a sacrifice:
Your happiness for your companion's happiness.
What they enjoy may not make you happy...
But isn't it worth seeing eyes light up?
Smiles stretch across cheeks?
Shoulders rise in anticipation?
*A thousand times *yes.

It’s like getting my fix.
It’s my life drug,
the drug I choose.
He is my addiction.
I wait for the high.
His body, his lips, his touch
is the substance I can
            never resist.
I feel good with him.
Better than I could
     ever hope. Ever
                     dream.

His fingers against
my skin, like fire. His
lips on mine, on
       every inch, is a
     euphoria
like none other. But
with every high comes
a low- a crash. When
      I’m without him,
God, when he leaves
my stomach drops, my
head aches, my heart
finds itself in ruins.
When I can’t get my fix
I feel like I could cry, die,
sleep for a hundred years.
I wait for my next
opportunity, my next
   moment to
        indulge in him.
            Risk for him.

Because everyone knows
I’m not allowed to have him,
Not supposed to long for him
      Indulge in him,
           lust for him.
They tell me it’s not right,
harmful for my mind and
emotions. I don’t care.
I tell no one, sneak and
     lie for him,
     for me.

I am a thief, stealing
what doesn’t belong to me,
taking what isn’t mine,
borrowing what I did not
       ask for,

only to get my fix.

He was my flaw, my kryptonite
I know we broke up months ago
But still I couldn't let him go
That's surely why I cry tonight

You knew all about how I felt
you're the one who helped me hold on
But then I saw the attraction
between you two, yes I could tell

I kept saying "she's not like that"
Cause I had so much faith in you
Or I couldn't admit it, that's true
And you just didn't have the right

Finally you are both dating
All I do is think about it
And now I really feel like ****
It's just too hard understanding

I'm fine, I say
My fingers crossed

No, really, I'll be
Okay
Truth is for weaklings, right?

Oh that scratch? I'm
Klutzy is all
A little lie is all
Y**eah, okay, maybe I'm not fine

People stopped asking me how I feel, simply because I think that they already knew the answer and they didn’t want to bother with repetition. I turned into a page in a book. Only looked at when needed, only read when I’m wanted. Then I’m put back on the shelf. I feel like people forget about me. That I sort of just fade into the background, because I’m just always there. I am the fly on the wall. Swatted away, and forgotten. There is no real dedication to my existence. Just moments of clarity, and then they go blind again. No matter what it is I am I feel like people stopped caring about me. Maybe it is in a selfish way or maybe it is because I became good at hiding my feelings. I feel like the stars in the night sky. Millions and millions of light years away, and I disappear before anyone acknowledges me.