It isn't the days when I am at work
Or even the nights I stumble in drunk
Sure, those nights I hurt, and hate myself
But,
It is worse when I wake up alone
At 2 am, and I'm stone cold sober
That is where my real madness blooms
Those nights I suffer, and struggle
But my mind is limited on its thoughts
To you, and of me
And why I'm so ******
In every way possible
And I can't sleep, because I have no alcohol in the house
So I leave and go to a diner at 2 am
Because I can't stand myself, or my loneliness
The truth is
I just want someone here by my side
To love me when I can't love myself
To eat my onion rings
Because I hate them
I want someone to fill the all the holes in my life that I cannot fill myself
You know
They say you can't love someone
Without first loving yourself
I don't believe that at all
Because I have so much love inside
And none of it is reserved for me

You see, forgetting you
is not a one time thing
it's a constant daily battle
stop thinking about him
remember the times
he stood you up
remember the times
he broke your heart
remember the things
he said in his anger
remember the way
he left you all alone
remember how
he gave no explanation
oh but remember
the roses he brought you
remember the late night conversations
remember the first time
he told you he loved you
remember the secrets
he confided in you
no, stop
stop
remember what's good for you
remember he's not good for you
remember what you deserve
forget him every day
every morning when you wake up
and your brain wants to bring him up
remember the nights you spent
crying on your bed
remember your best friend
cursing his name
remember your mother
cursing herself for not stopping you
remember your brother
cursing himself for not protecting you
remember the days at the hospital
the pills, the drops, the shots
remember what is best for you
he is not best for you
remember that
and forget him
every year
every month
every week
every day
every second
if that's what it takes

Seeing the flames
   Burning everything in there wake
             Taking my soul down too
   I can't take all this
       For God's sake
    Like a sidewalk massacre
Everyone has to stop and stare
        Watching all the blood drip
    But none of them really care
           Gotta get a grip
I know this life ain't fair
         Trying to balance my thoughts
    On a tight rope of razor blades
Getting sliced up on the inside
      No matter which choice I make
Whether or not I know they lied
           I'll always know they're all fake
   And it's a shame
           That it's always a game
     With no way to win
Or start over again
         Without being the only one to blame

Where has your heart gone?
Did it flee with the rest of you?
Fit inside your carry on as the
wings caught air beneath them,
Im tired of speaking in check points,
Ive been waiting at your gate for days now,
Hoping for you to round the corner,
Back to this most timid of loves,
I'll even hold your bags,
Come home soon.

He spoke it all into existence and now he dreadfully merits his quiet.

Words do nothing for me
He quietly echoes
They leave him lost
Like dismayed homes       
You cannot heed him 
For he is the silence
Which reeks of ire
Do not try and plead him
For your abjection
Is his sole desire
In opposition to the will
He held her hands
Like a broken clock
No time for compromise
No time to stop
Words are nothing to you
He loudly utters
Words are everything to me
She struggles to mutter
Intrusion proceeds
Denuding her garden
Walls shadow
A penalizing truth
He cannot be pardon.

instead of forgetting you
i could forget why you really smiled
take your smile and arrange it within a shrine
of all the kind things you did for me
and all of the sweet dimensions you added to my world

if i could remove her from your line of sight
or the humiliating things you said to our friends
or remove your fifth ***** soda in an hour
or the cigarette smoke you blew in my face
or the drugs you keep pulling out from your pocket
or if i could
remove
the context
of
your
happiness
whatever it will take to remember us fondly