written  August 10, 2014

"I wonder why the girl next door always looks so sick
Day to day she wears her messy hair in a bun, and smeared red lipstick
Her eyes are followed by shadows and like a sun setting, their color red
Little did I know, she did this for her desire to be dead.
Her walks, usually clumsy - mostly at dawn
Her speech usually slurred, her thoughts mostly gone
She made nonsense when she spoke, of her ex, her mom, and friends
Little did I know, she did all this for the end.
Her eyes barely open, glossy and pink
She sat and stared at walls, unable to think
Her mind was a blank state - which was her main desire
Which is why she continued to contribute - an active buyer
Until one day, I didn't see the girl next door
3 days later, she was found dead on her bedroom floor
***** bottles empty, and a hand full of pills
I finally understood, why she always looked ill"

You think your better then me
Really your just a bully
I am a human as well
But you don't see that
You call me names
Take my food and
Kick me
So you should be punished for that
But if I did punish you
That would mean
I am no better then you!

If it were easy,
To change,
We would have changed,
I would have changed,
Already.

But, no,
Changing,
Is a process,
An evolution,
Where bravery,
Is the main priority.

A pillar,
Is vital,
Upon aiding,
The recovery.

Fear,
Is the reason I run,
Excuses,
Leading to procrastination,
Hence,
A push is what I need.

Thus,
Please,
Help me.

-nuraishahazman-

No matter how many obstacles would come your way
No matter how much sufferings you have to endure
No matter how painful every situation gets
No matter what,
Come what may,
Do not give up
Coz it is your life which is at stake.
When life gets hard,
Think of the reasons why you hold on,
Think of the reasons why you fought,
Think of the reasons why you even started,
Then maybe,
You would have more strength
To conquer any hardships
That would try to hinder you
From achieving your goals.

Start writing
the words will follow

Start asking
the answers will come

Start loving
let it change your heart

Fill the page. Fill the blanks. Love inconveniently.


Just start.

I was a bully one time.
But I gave it up,
I didn't like how it made me feel.
I figured you can't hide in low self-esteem.
And besides, dealing family history
has never been my thing,

What if it's  not real?
What if it turns out a lie?
What if... its perfect?