A moment closer
To all I ever felt I deserved*

**A deserved moment
closer to all I ever felt

The demons lurk from behind sheltered memories
Pushed down for far too long
Their strength scares the hell out of you
Rising
Pushing down
Fighting
Clawing their way into the light of the night
Scream if you will
No one will hear you
These are your own demons
The ones of your own making
Co-created within years of connectedness
Hell where are the perpetrators now
That you allowed to steal your peace of mind
And why is it the light of your soul didn't keep this from you
Scratching
like chalk on a black board
Hell have no mercy
So shall it be
Look fear in the face like a child with the  world in their hands
No one will take this from you
It is yours to own so treat your demons with respect
They have learnt you well and keep stronger demons at bay
Let them scream and dance by the light of the moon
They are but healing and becoming the past
Kiss the ground on which you stand
Soak up the rays of the sun
They will settle again
Silently revisiting the files at the base of our soul.

She does not own a fighter's body

But you can tell right from the start

That the thing they have in common

Is...she has a fighter's heart

For as long as I have known  her

A scrapper she has been

A lioness well challenged

She is cunning, though not mean

Her battle is internal

Her trophy is her life

Her body's full of cancer

She's tap dancing on a knife

She won't back down from any fight

Not this one...that's for sure

She determined like a fighter

She wants this fight...and one more

It's a battle for survival

She's as tough as old Ali

Her battle cry is awesome

"You will not be taking me"

I write this for my mother

The toughest woman that I know

And regardless of her cancer

Her pain...she'll never show.

Sitting on the patio, drinking margaritas

Letting summers glow wash over me

Listening to the radio, taking in the summertime

Sitting, being single being free

Suddenly, "our song" came on

The first time that I'd heard it

Freezing me just exactly where I was

Overcome with feelings, I almost had a fit

We'd been married nearly 15 years

And this song, it defined us

But at that minute on the patio

I'd been thrown I was making quite a fuss

At first I went to change it

Turn the station, find another

Then I took another sip

And sat down with my Mother

She said "I always like that singer, dear"

"I thought you liked him too'

"Didn't you dance to one of his songs"

"When you wed in ninety two?"

I said I did and it was playing

Didn't want to hear it though

She said "Why, it's just some music dear,"

"It'll help the feelings go"

"I know it hurts at first to hear"

"And be taken to the past"

"But, the heart will heal so quickly"

"And you'll forget about the past"

I sat back and I listened,

To the singer and his song

"San Francisco Mabel Joy"

and I knew she wasn't wrong

His voice, the words so pleasing

New memories would I find

I would take this song of sixpence

And I would hide it in my mind

We danced to it in Frisco

Saw Mickey Newbury at a bar

And it etched into my consciousness

And it never ventured far

For every time we heard it

"Our song" as we would say

We'd dance no matter where we were

And we would listen to him play

So here I am twenty years on

From the first time that it got me

Sitting drinking with my mother

Being single, being free

I wasn 't going to lose it

Miss out on this piece of music

Just because my life changed

I was just divorced, not sick

I wondered about Mabel Joy

and listened to his words

And I thought about their heartbreak

As I listened to the birds

I thought "would he be listening"

"Would he feel the same"

"Was it just our song to me?"

"Did he even know it's name?

A few songs later, we went in

And we ordered in some food

I went down to the basement

At the risk of being rude

"I'll be right back" I told my mum

I had to find that song

And I pulled out the old album

That "Mabel Joy" was first played on

I thought of all the good times

Sat, and held the record near

Then I let them empty from my head

There was none that I'd hold dear

Across town at the very time

"Mabel Joy" was on the air

The other half of "our song"

Was just sitting in his chair

He thought, she used to like that song

Although I don't know why

We'd always dance when it came on

And she would always cry

He went to turn it over

but the voice went to his core

So he sat down and he listened

to "....frisco Mabel Joy" some more

He thought, that ain't a bad tune

It's one that tells the facts

So, he popped another beer cap off

And he sat back to relax

Across town in the kitchen

It was then she chose to laugh

Beside the title , "Our song"

written by her other half

So , it once meant something to them both

It's what made them both believe

That music makes you whole

The heart's hard to decieve

Across town, he thought about the tune

And who the singer was

He knew it wasn't chapin

and he though it was "The Boss"

He thought, I might go out and find

The cd, by that guy

Even though it used to be "our song"

it never made me cry

Now, back inside the kitchen

drinking more than being fed

She pulled out the lp, for to play

Before she went to bed

"San Francisco Mabel Joy"

was the third song on side two

She would listen till "our song" was done

And her mind would fill with new

Memories of this great song

Sitting drinking with her Ma

And these memories would stay with her

They never would venture far

So if you have an "our song"

Put it on, go back in time

For when you exorcise your demons

That's when "our song" becomes "Mine"!

You can not cure World Hunger

So, set your goals to small

But you can help out one child

Don't try to feed them all

Little steps or little bites

Can cure a childs pain

From not eating dalily

Or knowing when they'll eat again

Don't take on the whole problem

Just one mouth at a time

Then you'll start a revolution

And you'll start to feeling fine

Just add an extra setting

When you sit down to your meal

Then put a can of food aside

It makes the problem real

Just one a day will do it

Cure a child of his pain

And tomorrow night at dinner

You can do it all again

Just set an extra setting

No chair, no fork or knife

Then put a box or can aside

And help to feed a life

It's easy once you try it

In a short time you'll have filled

A box or two of canned goods

Someones hunger you have killed

Just set an extra setting

When you sit down next to eat

Then put a box or can aside

It'll make you feel so neat

At week's end take your savings

To the food bank filled with pride

You didn't even notice

And your smile's ten feet wide

Just set an extra setting

At the table, just for one

Then before you sit for dinner

Pack the can up....only one

Just think....a revolution

Started by a single meal

It's so easy to get started

And the end results are real

There's children going hungry

Here at home and in our schools

We can feed the world completely

If we only use the tools

Imagine stopping hunger

In your lifetime, it'd be great

And to start it is so easy

Just set that extra plate

One tin, a box or pasta

Nothing hard about this plan

Just set an extra setting

And donate one small can

A child going hungry

There's no reason anymore

There is enough food out there

To feed the world times four

The food bank's overloaded

More requests come in each year

So start a revolution

It's a simple, cheap, idea

Next time you sit for dinner

Just set one extra  plate

Then take a tin or box of food

And simply....please DONATE !!!
.

Blonde hair, blue eyes
Freckled map upon your face
The brightest smile anywhere
They can see it out in space
A goddess so untouchable
Do you even know?
The things you do
When you walk by
Be it fast, or be it slow

A wisp of hair
A tilted head
A neck so long and sleek
A t-shirt with a stretched v-neck
That gives us a slight peek
Hands so slim
So delicate
They would snap
Given the chance
I would give my life
to hold you
Perhaps to even dance

Open up your heart
See if there is room
For someone other than yourself
In that dark and lonely room
Mere mortal men
they pile up
As you just break their hearts
So open up that one of yours
And make room for cupid's dart

Golden hair, just perfect
A diary of your day
Filled out in swirly writing
little hearts along the way
The page is full of what you did
But, it doesn't tell the tales
Of the destructive path you carved among
The audience of males
The ones who do your bidding
Pay your way
Carry torches
The ones who want nothing more
Than to sit with you
on their front porches

Like Taylor Swift
you cut and run
Leaving damage in your wake
They all get hooked
Upon your act
Before it is too late
A siren without water
No rocks to crush their dreams
But, still you leave the burned out hulls
Of these young men in the streams
They fall for that cute smile
And the slightest hint you drop
That you may have room inside you
To let them in, but then you stop
Are you scared or just inhuman
Have you feelings for someone
Other than yourself I mean
Are you happy when you're done
You move on through the world you've made
An ice queen on her throne
Is it fun up in your tower
Are you truly happy all alone

Open up your heart
See if there is room
For someone other than yourself
In that dark and lonely room
Mere mortal men
they pile up
As you just break their hearts
So open up that one of yours
And make room for cupid's dart

From Austin on to Pensacola
from there I went to South Dakota
Moved on back to Arizona
Just trying to start a life

Went from Flagstaff to Daytona
then headed out just past Pamona
hung around and hit Sedona
Just trying to start a life

It didn't matter where I was
I had to move on just because
She'd find me in my dreams
I shut my eyes but couldn't sleep
Her image in my mind would creep
She'd find me in my dreams

Spent some time down in L.A.
There she was so I couldn't stay
Went and moved to Spanish Bay
But there she was again

Found a place in Monte Ray
only stayed there for a day
went down south down by Queens Cay
But, she followed me again

I shut my eyes and I did find
Her image burned into my mind
The girl was in my dreams
Although I tried to start anew
There was nothing I could say or do
And you should have heard my screams

I tried again, but had no luck
I even slept inside a truck
I woke up cuddled with a duck
And again her in my dreams

I'd been all 'round this country side
I'd walked, and flew and hitched a ride
It may be better if I died
But, I'm sure she'd find those dreams

I'm sure it didn't matter where
She didn't really care
She would always haunt my dreams
Hair so blonde and eyes of blue
I just can not get rid of you
You'll never leave my dreams

Stopped into a back roads diner
Somewhere just off Carolina
Highway thirty three
Sign said "open", I went in
Pushed the RC handle made of tin
Not a soul around that I could see

Waitress came out from the back
Name plate said her name was "Jack"
I'm glad I came in
Ordered up some milk and pie
This waitress sure did catch my eye
Pushing that RC ad made of tin

Told her that I was passing through
Not staying long, had things to do
Smiling, she  said "You'll stay"
I said I'' need a place to rest
She named one place...the best
Out by the bay

There's not much to do round here
We only serve three kinds of beer
and the Carolina Zoom Zoom
we make in the back room
It goes down as smooth as ever
Turn your insides straight to leather
That Carolina Zoom Zoom
we make in the back room


"Jack" sat down and asked my story
told her, "lots of pressure, lots of worry"
Don't worry ***, it'll go
I asked her how she could just say that
Took off my coat and then my ball hat
Just how was she to know

She said "I read people when they're here"
Some folks stay, some disappear
You'll be here a while
She said "you're driving time is over"
"I think you'll end up, as the new owner"
"Of this place"...with a smile

I said "there's no people here to sell to"
"What the heck would I do"
owning this with no one here at all
She laughed and said "I am agreeing"
But you are looking but not seeing
Money's made behind the yonder wall

There's not much to do round here
We only serve three kinds of beer
and the Carolina Zoom Zoom
we make in the back room
It goes down as smooth as ever
Turn your insides straight to leather
That Carolina Zoom Zoom
we make in the back room

She said it was a truck stop diner
That sold the best ***** in all Carolina
Carolina zoom zoom in the back
Recipe's been here for ages
Brewed real slow, distilled in stages
Always forty jugs out on the rack

We've sold to Robert Johnson and Bocephus
You may choose to not believe this
I wouldn't lie about that fact
The diner never makes much money
But, the back room, there's the honey
sure as i know I'm called Jack

She said she lived in an old trailer
That she traded with a sailor
For a case five   years ago
Moved it back on up the hill
There she could watch on the still
If I bought, she'd have to go

I thought a while, made two offers
Money to fill up her coffers
And she had to stay
She smiled, asked me if I'm certain
Did I mean it, or was I just flirtin'
I told her I was set to pay

There's not much to do round here
We only serve three kinds of beer
and the Carolina Zoom Zoom
we make in the back room
It goes down as smooth as ever
Turn your insides straight to leather
That Carolina Zoom Zoom
we make in the back room

I've been the owner fifteen years
I changed my life, by changing gears
Jack is still with me
Thank god I stopped in to this diner
Back in the back roads off Carolina
Highway thiry three

Why is when you are near
My heart is out of time
Why is it hard to catch my breath
When you are close, close by
My mind is all a muddle
when you are in the room
I can not make the words I want
Whenever you are near

My body has reactions
To your presence in my space
My thoughts are all a jumble
When I see your sweet face
I never do this normally
I can not explain why
But, it happens to me frequently
whenever you come by

I wish I knew the reason
Why do I act this way?
I wish that I could tell you
But, my mouth won't let me say
I love you and I always will
But, whenever you are near
My teeth and tongue and lips are tied
There'll be no sense in what you hear

Why does my heart skip a beat
When ever you're around
My skin gets wet and clammy
It knows you can be found
Somewhere close to where I am
My body lets me know
Why can I not make a sane thought
Why do you vex me so?

As long as you're around me
I can't think or breathe or write
I'm fine when you're not with me
But, as soon as you're in sight
My heart beats out of rhythm
And my mind's not working right
I love you and I need you
But, one thing that I fear
Is that these feelings all will leave me
If you are truly here

American kids
Drive Japanese cars
With loud cranking music
30 Seconds to Mars

Wear Italian designer
Hipster blue jeans
All apart of
The American scene

With the sporting of tats
Bring on the change
Imagine that
They now all look the same

American kids
Frequent Sushi bars
With piped in top forty
From English pop stars

Spending minimum wage
On German beer
Names they can't pronounce
Cause they're not from here

Try as they might
Can't point on the map
Where they have been
Nor where they are at

American kids
You can't understand
Because they are
American kids

i've always wondered how people will react if i disappeared?
would they shed a tear?
gone i would be,
no trace of me.
would they cry if they realized my presence was missing?
would they think about me?
i wonder if they will even notice,
its a parasite in my brain ever so potent.
will they care?
will they even notice if im not there?
will he care?
would he shed tears?
if i disappear, i wont burden him anymore,
i wont hold him back anymore.
would he care if i was gone?
would he care if i was cold and alone?
would he?
would they?
would you?
what would happen if i disappeared out of the blue?

I have a son and daughter
They're alike as oil and water
I am proud to say that I'm their dad
since their mother died last autumn
Their only goal it seems,
Is to mess around and make the other mad

My daughter needs a mother
It's a role I'm forced to fill
I really wish my wife was still around
But, I think of how she'd handle
This little girl of ours
Although I know she's six foot underground

My son, he needs some guidance
That I just can not give
Emotions aren't a strong point in my book
He really needs his mother
To help him find his way
this mother thing deserves a second look

We're a rag tag group of people
A prince, A princess and their king
We lost our shining beacon late last year
I'm learning how to do things
That I never used to know
And my daughter has now learned to open beer

I used to be a father,
Who would send them on their way
Tell them "see your mother first, and then see me"
But, now I have no option
When decisions must be made
It seems to come back down to only me

I can tell my son to do stuff
Though I have to tell him twice
He always finds a way to get it done
When I tell my little princess
Exactly what to do
She tell me "Mum, would help me out and make it fun"

I know fishing and know hunting
I can fix most any car
I know all there is to know beneath a hood
But as far as being mother
It's a skill I have to learn
I just hope I'm doing all the things I should

The other day my daughter
Said "Dad, I need a bra"
I thought, good god, there's no one I could ask
Her granny lives in England
And her nana's in the states
So I guess it falls to me to do this task

I took her out last weekend
to buy a bra, Yes ...I said bra
This was a job her mother would have loved
But, here I was...her father
Trying to avert my eyes
Which gets real hard when pushing comes to shove

She bought her bra and smiled
As we walked out of the store
She laughed at me, and I laughed back as well
We'd shared a special moment
Between a princess and her king
It's a story to my son I will not tell

We bonded as a mother
and a father and his princess
We had a day and jeez we had some fun
I'm really glad my daughter
Told me "Dad, I need a bra"
Cause I never want to hear that from my son!!