Slowly, you come before
Me in this warm light
As the only thing I want.

Don't make it a dream,
just give in.
Let me seep in.
Seep into me.

Your fold, my sin,
our whole existence, manifest
in you, my friend.
Tempt intense,
your taste, my wish
to make you want it badly.

Hold me, come again.
Intense, breathe slowly and return
this favor I ask you so sincere and desperately.
Give me your secret, your desire, your fire
what inspires
your mind and soul.

This last chance, this request
I whisper loud.
One taste, your sin, your ***.
Your salvation I beg to give you
One more time.

One caress, one gesture
One grace
This taste of you
my dark nirvana.

It’s been a while since I’ve taken a drive through my mind.
I drove when I needed to search for understanding, and then came a time when I no longer yearned to understand.
Objects in mirrors were closer than they appeared. And suddenly…
Life was closer than it appeared whenever it was netted in the echo of a poem.


It began to snow, and the flakes under my headlights turned to shooting stars.
I was so close. So close to…something. I could see the faint outline of a figure…a man perhaps?
Time froze, or maybe it sped up? I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t perceive what was, and what wasn’t.
Then suddenly, he was there—
A man in a dark cloak, standing in the middle of the road, reaching out to me.  
I put on my breaks, and the car came to a sudden halt.
He circled around the car, approaching my window. I could not see his face.
I rolled down the window, and he came forward and motioned for my hand, holding out his gloved one.
I gave it to him.
He held it.
I suddenly wanted to die.
I said, “Can you make the suffering stop?”
He inhaled, as if to speak, and then…
I felt adrenaline and fear surge in my veins. I inhaled to ask him who he was, but there was no air. I was full of nothing.
I did not want to hear what he had to say.
My heart palpitated. My vision went black.  I opened the car door, and flung myself out onto the snowy ground.
The man was gone.
I didn’t want to drive anymore, so I locked the car, left it in the middle of the road, and walked into the blizzard. I didn’t know which way home was, and I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to know anything.

Life meets human understanding in the most delicate way, when one finds words to echo reality.
After the pen has scribbled something profound, understanding meets fear in the most unfortunate way.  All that once was, crumbles under epiphany.  
What is already known is comfortable. It doesn’t require bravery, for we have already faced it. We have already heard the words spoken from under the cloak, and we already have seen the face of their messenger.

I have beautiful nightmares still to this day of our times together.
I see her face, of which I do not like to recall but nevertheless, blindingly unforgettable.
Just the burning ashes and shadowy silhouettes that dance in the corridors of my mind between darkened doorways and buzzing lights.
No wind, growing still air and a stench of old sketch books and burning lighters.

Some things you wish you could forget, while others, you wish you could remember.

Woke up at 7:00 AM,
went over to my Dali-style melting clock, took it off the wall and watched as just as easily I could turn time back, it would still rush forward.

Is this how it feels
To know that you're dead?
Or is this the beginning
Of just another end?
I take my steps each morning
Surprised they're not my last.

-This path that I am taking-

So pragmatic, enigmatic, fantastic.
I've never had this before.