Waiting for the call that will never come.
I die inside every hour, every minute.
I reach across the couch to grab my phone.
Before I pick it up, I pull back my hand as if denying myself the disappointment I already know.

She never lied to me, she never hurt me.
I guess she just didn't want to hear "I love you" from me.

Can't eat, unable to cry, barely able to sleep, too depressed to drink.
She doesn't know how much I hurt, and I don't want her to know either.
I'm tired of it. I can't take another crack in my heart. It will break.
So I sink into my couch, phone on the other cushion, staring somewhere at the air between the TV screen and my face.

I just want relief in somebody's arms.

I just have to remember what I told myself~
Relationships are like glass. They break into a million pieces, seemingly unrecoverable. But if you collect them all together, with just the right amount of heat and love, you can watch it all melt back together, into a new piece of glass.

New to the eye, yet the feeling will never fade.

Insidious doors that close linoleum floors keep the secrets of the man hidden from the poor.
It's a shame the way he makes me work for more.
Fear is the weapon of our enemies and allies.
Crying wolves, crying wolf while slaying dear.
Maybe we are better off this way.
On blue moons, our eyes turn red and we say we are done and won't take it again.
Force fed, force shaved, forced to listen and forced to behave.
It's a shame the way he makes me feel depraved.
I shout, scream, stand up and get mad.
Tear apart the room without saying a word.
***** you, you aren't my Dad.

Have my cake and eat it too?
**** me off under the table while the social network takes a stab. I don't care. F%&K; the media's news.
I see the headlines spelled a million different ways, but you are still the one that has to sleep at night, knowing you nurtured a nation that reaped and *****.

The innocent, the young, the scared, the hopeful, the dreamers, the soldiers, the vagabonds, the artists, the entertainers, the founders, the church-goers, the fishermen, the students, the Samaritans, the stay at home mothers, the policemen, the American man. His soul and the spirit they tried to preserve.
Lied to and tapped, again and again.
It's a shame the way he makes me give and take.
Inside us, inside the US.
Without asking.

We don’t ask the questions we want to ask
out of fear of the answer,
or of the lie.

“Would you miss me if I went away?”
“How much do you love me?”
“Would you visit my grave?”

“ And If I died,
would you cry?”

Shine forever inside
                                                          ­                                                Let brazen halo encircle and sway
                                                            ­                                              Keep warm till the moon will rise
                                                            ­                                              Rest until the morning haze

Effervescent, like liquid gold
Last until the death of life
Make the spaces between our hearts bright
So we can swim in this soft light

                                                       Holding heat but not to burn
                                                       Reflect with your companions
                                                      ­ Closer to this bending prism
                                                       Mirrors, water and white
                                                           ­                                                 
                                                                ­                                             You can be ten million miles away
                                                            ­                                                 So far to stretch your solar rays
                                                            ­                                                 Yet you never go out in the night
                                                           ­                                                  Not tomorrow, not today

Love and give tirelessly while you say
Silently, I will disappear one day
But never will we remember
                                                        ­                                                     Because my burning sun still shines

I remember you my ageless,
unyielding friend...

You come in the night
all dead leaves and limbo
resting between my chest-plate
and spine.
You are the quiet messiah
who turns blood into sap
and frees humanity from reason
by preaching the solemn sermons from the Lowly Book
I know you precede the Rust
of the limbs and of the trunk
as certain as entropy

So, then, I should also know of your leaving,
where I imagine cupped and ***** hands
will part my teeth
pluck and plant them between my ribs
to sprout ivory tangles that capture the starlight,
etched with the names and faces of those that I have loved
rooting me to the earth
in a place without time
in a world without you

Zombie dreams and zombie scenes
Why do the zombies come after me?
No matter where I run, no matter where I hide
The zombies always come and eat me alive.
Axes, bats and crowbars, knives, guns and cross
No nation nor religion can stop the pain and loss.
For when zombies eat your friends, your friends will eat you too.
Unless you're lucky and survive.
Then what will you do?

x

I got a call before the news even knew.
Frozen cold sweat and fear.
I stood at my desk able to do nothing.
I watched in horror at the live feed on my computer screen as I knew what she was going through.
She was there, and I wasn't. I couldn't.
I watched helpless in horror as the people scattered from the glass that was shattered.
I could do nothing but pray.
To watch people die is not a vicarious way I would want to ever live.
She tried her best to finish, but the race ended, even though she gave all she could give.

I need to watch this to get out of self.
Why must they die so we can see why?

You feel the same as I do.
Don't deny.

Ever wonder whats behind you...?
That scratch, that itch, that feeling that tells you there is more?
That there is something we're missing?
The emotion that makes us push towards something we know we should be doing?
We never know what it is, but it is always there, in every human being.
Is it the "I need more."?
Is it soul?
I could never tell, and I will never know.
Just move for it, wish for it, strive for it, try for it, drive toward it.
GO.