when you first touch the plaster that has been newly stuck to your skin– it would feel foreign, because you're not used to it.
the plaster that protected you from any other injuries
that would make you wince in pain,
it didn't want to see you hurt anymore.
that plaster,
that helped you heal your wounds faster.
But now that you got used to it, you took that plaster (me) for granted and threw me away like how you would after the plaster helped you heal your wounds (helped you when you had problems)
maybe i was just like a plaster
too clingy,
one that just gets stuck to your skin and does nothing but irritate you
it feels horrible to feel this way because you meant so much of a friend to me
but
i meant absolutely nothing to you. (just a plaster)

I guess all of us would have to vow to love our partner for an eternity no matter what circumstances after our marriages.
we would try our best to keep that promise.

both of you didn't. the situation got worse that it came to the point that we had to live separately.
i thought the situation was under control after a while.

i was utterly wrong because this happened. are we all that afraid of loneliness? did you even love your first partner you promised you'd be committed and loyal to?  how did you even have that face and guts to do that? for your own happiness?  do you really think this is your 'new found love'? how could you ruin someone's only hope that you were a good person? you ruined other peoples' happiness today too. (and i thought i saw the disappointment in my grandma's eyes today)


you promised. however, i guess that was a promise you made hastily without much consideration. because that promise was broken anyway. today is just the consequence of all the things you've failed to do or say to keep to that promise. (you'll never be able to love someone new)

Just when I thought you've gotten over him.
He keep pulling you back once again.
And after he has manipulated you to get his way.
Here you come once again with a sad story to tell.

And like a fool I listen to you.
And not afraid to say I warned you that this would happen.
Still, he keep pulling you back.

Is it your insecurity?
Is it you're afraid to be lonely?
And I can't say you're the only one.
For many are now walking in your shoes.
Wondering about their next move.

Would he stop
Making me blush like a rose
Making my smile bloom so much
Would he stop
Giving me butterflies
Making me feel like I'm his queen
Would he stop
Hard to get affection if you've never been loved

At all those places you thought
you were once so familiar with,
the places you were so used to being comfortable at,
what exactly does that place remind you of?

The bad memories,
or, the good ones?

The pieces of memories that you thought you would've long since thrown away.
No, it's still there, etched in my memory.

My head feels dull.
Not even “comfortably numb”.
No mood for rhyme
Yet must cast my soul
Back through time.

No.
No more rhyme.
Just cast my mind back.
Seek that spark.
Call out my Muse.
Be inspired.
Excited.
Yes.

Excitement shines
Like a billion suns.
The merest touch
Explodes
My every nerve.

Magical mysteries
Unveil themselves.
Brilliant, fluttering butterflies
Flash and flicker
Those rainbow colours and more.

Deep inspiration.
Adrenaline rush.
Electrical discharge.
Cascading sweat.

Thunder-drummed tornadoes.
Lightning storms.
Rose tinged dawns,
And silver-ghosted Moons.

Inspirational volcanoes
Of Muse-blown delight.
That’s how it was,
To be in Love.

You can be so arrogant sometimes it astounds me. The way in which you can casually dismiss those that love you, not even acknowledging the presence of those that long to be close...

And still I love you, we love you, the world loves you. That what's so infinitely frustrating isn't it?  That you have all these charms, abilities, powers, and you let us know, you let us feel inferior. But thats not your fault is it? That we feel intimidated around you. If we could ask, if we could say, what do you think of us? What might you reply? Would you throw you head back and laugh? No. Some might think you would but I know you better then that. You'd say you're human. That you're scared too. That at times you feel only as powerful as the weakest of entities , that you know how it feels to be afraid.

You're love and lust for life is incredible, you even surprise me after all these years. Few people know just how grateful your are to be alive. That every time you open you're eyes, every time you inhale you're grateful... Few people know that you have an overwhelming loving energy, and it scares you. That you try to **** it with drugs and alcohol, scared it might consume you, bringing about uncontrollable laughter or tears. Few people know how you long to be close, how you want to smile at them, hug them, touch them........but don't.

How you'd rather face a man with a knife then rejection. How being unwanted is something you've grappled with you're whole life. Few people know you've carried the scars of you're best friends death for the past 6 months everyday.

No one knows you've hated you're intelligence. That the burden of knowing consumes you. Knowing how your step dad threaten to **** himself, knowing that you're mother tried to **** herself. That if she hadn't put down that note you wouldn't even be here. Knowing you're the product of a drug addict and a girl rebelling against her family. No one knows that you have no one to hold and hold you. Someone, with which you can be weak and sink into away from a world that has given you nothing but tough love.

Thats harmed you, stabbed you,starved you.

But know this, the world turns and the day will come when you will never settle for less,
the day will come when you stand strong and confident in your own skin,
the day will come when you emerge as a lion defending those that love you against the world,
the day will come once again when you love freely,

Know that light pierces dark,
the individual can conquer,
that to be a man is to be honest, responsible, and caring, not a stereotype,
know that you were made for a reason
know that you're scars will heal,
and more  than anything else know that,
i know,
that all this will come to pass beyond a reasonable doubt

because I......am you

You once told me that you would always be there for me,
through both the good and the bad like I was there for you.

But you were just a lost piece of a puzzle waiting to find another,
and I was there temporarily, showing the completed image

until one day you found a piece and put the two together
you no longer needed me because you and her were the picture

your puzzle is complete and im useless, just a waste of space

thrown to the side to one day deteriorate without anyone knowing
or anyone caring

because in the end, everyone prefers to see the finished result than an image of it.

why don't you just
trust me?
am i just all the bad things you think about me?
why can't i be the good impressions that you have of other people?
those words that should be meant for liars, hurt me, like getting bruised on my arms and legs.
these injuries get healed after a period of time.
but this time, it's not that anymore.
i'm bruised in my heart.

what makes us truly happy? what do we really want in life? i can't help but feel that we can never be really satisfied of what we have at the moment. we are too focused on what we do not have than the things we actually have.

we try to make things perfect, but realize things will not be perfect, it never will be. that ideal lifestyle, that perfect life, who doesn't want that?  we all try to work towards achieving the 'perfect' life that we dream of, that we might lose things dear to us without knowing in the process. you wish for things to turn out the way you want. we always want them to. yet things just don't necessary turn out the way you want them to be. we are then filled with regret, sadness, disappointment, and unhappiness. for giving it our all yet not achieving much.

we try all ways to release or relieve that unhappiness, stress and dissatisfaction. it's not working. it would just all pile up again in the end. this crazy vicious cycle of trying to solve problems yet not all problems can be solved.

it feels so restricting, it's as if there's always a deep weight that is constantly crushing my chest. i can't breathe, it's not that i do not want to. everything is just so tiring, that i wish i could take a break, let time stop. the constant clicking of the clock is getting too pressing.

this is the reality, and i have not learnt to accept the reality. i just can't bring myself to tear naïvety off me, thinking that things will always be fine in the end.

but is it actually wrong to have some hope in your life?
maybe this is why i feel so lost, it's as if i'm in a maze that i can never escape from.

I let you into my heart
Find a place to get comfy
Kick your shoes off
Take ya braw off
and pants
And get comfy
And just stay
Just stay
Please
Stay