Alone with my breath rising through the air,
my shadow dark,
thick.
Street lamps buzz,
the ground
creeks and crackles.
[far from the Oklahoma and Arkansas wood...]
I shouldn't start here,
I should go back before
where someone different,
but similar enough to me, stood.
A far long ago lost season of a life,
that is perhaps where
I should begin the
story I now write.
We'll begin by sitting at a table where a man,
defeated,
had given up
trying.
And decided
one night,
that from his Hellish Head
there would be a final untwining.
He came to the next morning
in a pool of blood and *****, and sunshine like angel wings.
There he was left an indeterminate impression of unburdening.
(like he'd simply downloaded everything.)
Of the substantial problems, issues [troubles]
that had carried him up to the dark decision,
he had
miraculously been
somehow, in some way,
over-ridden.
.. A new time had dawned, and
as directionless as it was,
this anomalous sense of
nothingness
and desire had been born
from the mud.
A low hunger for life crept,
not exactly a "spiritual awakening,"
but connections prior and all hurt had gone,
[like a deep brain cleansing.]
With new empty eyes
like a child now seeing, everything
that was before, died
that morning.
... but the man, of course,
kept on breathing.
He went out on a search to find what heart, if any , he had left.
A semester in school showed sparking a writing interest, but
from everything else, still
[felt disconnected].
The season of winter was upon me and
the darkness of the nights
began their first lessons.
It was time to move on,
though to where (?)
was the question.
A trip to the ocean to let loose ,
place of final forgetting.
Then serve out a warrant in Texas
spend a short time in a cell reading.
Set free a new man,
a new season now rested.
so began a new life where previously
only demons lay infested.
Searching for a path,
something far from worthless,
returning to childhood hometown with
little vested sense of
definite purpose.
Floundering in personal relationships,
finding comfort in the bed of many,
never a real connection. ...'Till
passing by a street one night,
listening to the sounds of life
and the evening's music,
my eyes
met a gaze that sparked my spirit's complete
attention.
A
dark gray
empty void burst
with color and life
at my ear's first listen
to this siren with midnight hair,
she lit a flame that did fan
lifting this shell of a man
out of perdition.
In her arms,
in her eyes,
tangled within
a body of sighs
[lies]
I found hope,
perhaps for the first time.
We set out for the summer,
and a new season of my life, with
care free adventure consuming our minds.
She gifted me music,
( the kind essential to life.)
As important for my well being, also
she gave me a write .
...the right to love again
all risk taken and heartache aside,
she showed me the sort of feelings
that make struggle worth the fight.
Seasons abiding joyously on, 'till
the signs did change, and we headed back
to the only place that made sense to call a home.
And there, came at last, as expected,
the end of my love affair.
We saw to our separate ways,
"a' la fin," she did break my heart,
but I had learned a great and profound lesson.
.... I had dared to love so deeply, and without condition .....
With no regret I tell you now
that one of the most wonderful days
of my new life
will always be that early spring moment
when the sun in her soul
first shined through me.
... I will love her always,
I know that.
So, where do I find myself now? Living,
connecting, growing,
learning, loving,
engendering a path all my own,
new every day and
brilliantly daunting
at every conversion.
This is
My story unfinished
Of life and changing
like Music
in song
so ..... unfinished ??
[ goodnight]