thank god i can’t write good poetry
the best poetry comes from pain and hurt if you ask me
so although i can’t write like i used to
at least it means i’m doing alright

My heart is so heavy
I feel if I step on a scale
It’ll say I weigh 1000 pounds
It is recklessly beating away
Never bothering to explain
Why it’s still pumping and pumping
I feel I am dislodged
Like I am all together separate
From this body and this brain
That are supposed to be in tandem
But utterly refuse too
My heart is so heavy
And in the middle of battle
Is never where you want to feel
Subdued by inward hurt
Yet as I lie here
Broken..
I choose to stand again
And with trembling hands
I grasp hold of my sword
For today is a day of war
Today I will rise again
One day I will fall
One day I will  meet the end,
But today is not that day
I lift my head and blow my horn
Today I charge the enemy
Today I stand to fight

oh look
how cute
you actually think that people like you
that people want to spend time with you

do you really think you're that special?
you can't possibly be serious
nobody likes you
you spend your days whining and feeling sorry for yourself
who would want to be around that?

you're ugly
and alone

maybe if you work at it
try to hide the hideous scars

maybe if you change yourself
become someone who's more fun  

maybe if you never say no
maybe if you give them everything
you can't be disappointed
if you don't expect anything

than maybe
juuuust maybe
but i don't know
perhaps some people are not meant to be loved
or even liked
and you are one of those lucky few

but keep playing at it ***
it's sure entertaining to watch

Shove a spout in my abdomen
And I will give you
All of my syrupy sadness
All of my sugary sweetness

Dripping, slowly, s l o w l y
Onto the floor
Dark, thick maroon
For you to admire

I won't pull it out
This thing which bleeds me
This is how I prefer
To have my life end

Shattered, like a mirror, in so many pieces.
The reality crashing in, like a wave of unseeming destruction.
I take a step, but instead of forward, I feel myself lean back.
Words choke in my throat and grab my tongue, invoking silence.
The cage around my heart tightens and doesn't let go.
But instead, squeezes tighter with each word from your mouth.
I hear them, but they leak out in jumbled phrases, and I try to comprehend.
My anxiety flees and all that is left is the fury of hellfire.
Bright, red, flames.
How did you do this? Why did you do this?
Those three precious words you tell me seem more like daggers
Slicing my hands, my heart, my eyes.
So precious and sweet, turned painful and cold.
Icy, with no feeling.
I want to comfort you, take hold of your face and hug out the ache,
Wanting to tell you it will be ok, and I will be there, but, I can't.
The knives are too dug too deep, and your touch feels, slimy.
Fire and ice, comfort and disgust, sacrifice and pride.
I can't work away how I feel or what I feel.
I just hurt. Everywhere. And there is no cure to soothe it.

They want to form you,
Take away your, mind.
Blind you to what’s deep down,
Living inside.
So caught up in it all,
Before you know it,
It’s gone.
All you wanted was that topaz ring,
All you wanted was that house and everything,
All you wanted was that wedding dress to impress the crowd,
All you wanted was that image of what you thought your life, should be.
When all you needed was love,  
Those moments you couldn’t buy back with any amount of gold.
It’s easy to think these things will bring happiness to your life,
But they never do.
The greatest gifts are free to give, yet they are becoming Extinct.
A lasting embrace, a smile that can’t be erased,
Human touch and raw
Emotion when unselfish and giving, a kiss blown as more than Expression,
Awaking from this daze and wanting more than what is depicted,
True love for ratings, highly overrated.