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 Feb 2019
Lou
When did I become disposable income?
I was so poor,
I know I must of seemed like a steal.
My bones are made of dehydrated milk and skin of a mothers welfare.

Support came with regrets, you know.
But how you managed to squeeze a penny from a SNAP of my belly-

You must be good with money
How you,
Leave pockets empty with no change
not even a wallet with a memory to care

Eat your heart out through an ***, Jeff Bezos.
Silver spoon deeply exempted and certainly a love affair.
Don't choke on *** of cold hard ****
It's free of charge,

I can't even save a seat for my fathers cooking;
(also dehydrated and distant in taste and substance)
let alone read a book written on saving money for someone special.

I had a bid in those texts you invested in
I hope you are rich and get all the love
Certainly someone must.
Cause I feel I am getting hungry
And you are getting,

delicious.
 Dec 2018
Lou
Mirrors stand on trial.
As my reflection has become treason.
Iris' clawing itself out of their sockets.
Screaming for blindness.
This cannot be who I am up close.
This isn't who I am on the inside

As touch becomes apocalypse.
Finger tips shaving and ripping
romantic runs down a spine
into an escape from hell.
The monster, applauding my imagination.
All fears confirmed by reflection.
The monster is me, stalking to taking stage.
Every pulsing orifice oozing out reality,
bites and endures flesh.
Pieces of everyone I try to get close to
becomes food.
Leaving the gluttons pink-red and full.

No dimension displayed without cauterized scars.
Deformation of the mind and DNA
Playing jazz backwards as the big band
Scolds its tune from the inside
I can hear the power tools of natures orchestra.
Brackish change, Chimera's blushing to proposal.
This is my favorite song
And it ends with anxiety of a new face.

The mirror telling it all.
Clumps of hair,
Eyes in hands.
Festering humanity in fetal position begging for death
after birth.
Blowfly meals for two lovers, eaten alone.
God's hands in face peeking through her fingers.
Blood dripping from immortalities ugly head.

Tremors of night and knocks on the door.
Coagulating depression finally answers.

Come in.

This is what I am on the inside, up close.
Make a plate for your eyes.
Anxiety is on the menu.
I'm relating depression to horror. I thought what if my depression took form?
 Dec 2018
Lou
Devious self-interpretation of motive in silk webbed mind, stuck in the trench warfare with the bugs and captured flies.
Squirming, disarmed, rattled teeth approached by death of the natural spider.
Slender and tormenting its captives in her somber lullabies, perverting happiness into altercation.

The ceremony is stretching its legs and fangs. The dinner table is set. The knives and forks, the cups and plates.
Mangled apathetic corpses, travel the distance from television to kitchen.
Slobs and lumps gather to de-funk the contents.
Inhales. Down. Waves of hands. Snickers of teeth to stomach. Grinding, turning, swallow.

The head of the spider appears.
The waves of hands, inhales, teeth.
The spider smiles and observes the meek as they gouge in their eyes with chicken legs and apple fat pies.
"With all eight legs and all my eyes, have never seen such cold gluttony, what does that make I?"
Who is to judge the beast ? A civilized beast ?
This was written 4 years ago yesterday. Wanted to point out I have been in this game for a long time. I thought I lost this one. You could say it crawled back to me.
 Dec 2018
Lou
I am an anorexic with a gluttonous mouth for bad table manners and my own feet.
I relate to 364 licks to the center of the tootsie pop to only find out it was just dirt and high fructose corn syrup.
Like my personality it is a disappointment. Maybe the world would of been better to let this one go.
C'est la vie my family, whom leaves me at the table with a cold meal I refuse to acknowledge as food.
My father's own teachings red on my face and my mother's lessons bleeding from my ears. Welcome to church today we will be eating the lord.

Cause I feel something must fill me more than nihilism which by nature fills me with nothing but more space for my lack of motivation and self deprecating.
I need to be nothing so I must eat just that.
I want to save someone so they can eat me one day.
If I gave myself up to be eaten on Sunday's due to lack of interest in feeding myself,
I'll put a spin on my suicide and say its for my followers.
I wonder what I would taste like.  
Arrogantly I'll claim myself as zesty a flavor of Passover dinner or just Christ. I can picture the burning cross on the sauce bottle.
I'd eat it.
But I may have consumed so much of Christ's body and blood, I must be what I eat.
I wanna be the devil in deserts of my passions.
The fats that I was told not to indulge just for me to steal and hide under my grandmother's shadow without shame as did Lucifer.

"For my sake", she would say,
Force fed in line to ingest the breast and white meat of Jesus with no seasoning. Just gross.
That token of him a flake disk ******* of Bible versus and boxed wine, the same meal to have fed a congregation.
A congregation that must have starved and ate each other to really live, that's probably how we have Catholicism.
My halo childhood head would crave the cheap red dry and knew what the point was to drink his veins and get drunk off of me.
I was fed not my saviors life but my-self lie, placed into my mouth as a tasteless disciple, cannibalizing my identity for salvation.
"Save me", is a phrase I never said,
Cause I thought I was made in his image.
"Feed me", was more like it.
as I chomped on my fingertips and hair.
So I conclude I must be passover for I have been eating myself.
And I am not zesty.
I'm boring and salty like I would be later on.
Chopping from the branches of trees low hanging meat,
hearts and hands boiled into my idle grip cauldron. All theories and none of it stone soup for anyone's soul.
What useless things are my hands without knifes and forks.
I am simply their slave as I was to my addictions to eating saviors.
Now I'm useless, godless and starving.

Gandhi was bony, spicy and tasted like young women.
Crowley tasted like young boys and patchouli
LaVey was chewy dark meat but too Gainey for me
And Nietzsche...Nietzsche was good,
in spite of the syphilis just not enough to go around.
Had to overcome that man.
I tried just about everything to cure my hungry nihilism.
I've binged on fortunes from cookies that have more faith in me than I have in myself. Sentiment in sugar, not so sweet but bland and stale as my eyes and heart.
Confucianism is a light diet kind to nature but I am not willing to share my plate nor am I that kind.

My teeth still picking saviors out.
The taste of the lamb of god hasn't washed out of mouth for years
I tried to burn it out with the devils fruit but its just humanities ******* in a gardening hose blasted in my mouth.
I can still hear the nails on my dinner plate go into his wrists,
the blood being dropped on  marble as the nuns lashes crack me,
To lick it off the basilicas floor.
I am the last at my families table undecided to starve at a feast of philosophy.
Or gnaw on the bones of those I already ate.
I'm certain with a good cookbook of my creation,
with remnants left over of condiment hymns,
two slices of existential crisis,
One molded cheese of absurd ideas
and a garden of seeds I planted from the bowels of dead Messiah's.
I will have a meal.
One that maybe you all would like to partake in.
 Dec 2018
Lou
Vampiric lambs feast on their Sheppard's herd.
Breaking bread of thy neighbor
How loves call of fertility
Now the bane Bull of consumption's horn.

The Sheppard ****** to death by panic.
Unable to guide or save, is now on the menu
Prayers silenced over the band of gargling stomachs
His papyrus stand of power dissolved in crimson soup
Milk and honey crossed out of the starving mans Gospel

Warp the plains in sabbath machinery
Capital becoming its own atoned staff
The meek claims of natures *******.
While drawing a line to the factory

The staff now a fork on the dinner table' crossroads.
One seat at the table for Perdition
Groaking civilized parallel.


No hope lies on silver dished entree
Cornucopia is the decapitated Sheppard' head
Apple fastened in mouth

Olive pits replacing holy eyes for edible sight
Pickled tongue to speak holy when the belly is full
Ears dehydrated for the holy word.

As said with Christ, we dine to forgive our sins.

Lambs forgiven
Vampires forgiven
Cannibals forgiven
Meek forgiven
Hungry forgiven
All is forgiven

We are organized and all is forgiven.
God forgives in his name.

For tomorrow, we cut out our new Sheppard from papyrus,
Tomorrow, we ***** his word.
Tomorrow, we take the skewers of the Kebab
And give the Sheppard his staff.

Tomorrow, we chastise the hungry.
For his spilled blood.
For his eaten flesh.
All classes in social hierarchy erects some sort false omnipotence in some people. What happens when the leader fails his flock? He gets eaten as a sacrifice. I guess the higher you are, the more disposable you become.

— The End —