it's the whisper of a weary goodbye
caught in a sea of hellos
the faintest touch against your lip
from a manicured hand
or one so callused
it's fingertips rough as they glide on your skin
it's that feeling of familiarity
in a place so foreign
where no one knows your name but you
or who you are
and when you wander around at night
to stumble into your kitchen
making the pots and pans rattle against each other
it's the burning in your chest that goes down your throat
and into your stomach
birthing butterflies that flutter around
it's the cold splashes of water on heated skin
the tear stained pillowcases, the tear stained sweaters
the near-bleeding red scratches of the night before
and the deep blues and purples of a bruise
and when you've had enough
it's the mind-numbing ringing in your ears
and the sudden wash of everything at once
when you take those rose-tinted glasses off
maybe it's love.

I am from my birth pillow.
I am from loneliness, sadness...
spaciness...
...I was always looking for something.

I am from dandelions and tall, tall grass.
The breeze sifted through the yard, and the
blades swayed in perfect synchrony.

I am from Christmas Eve at Grandpa's
house, and the low status gifts.  From
****** communication.  From stones, and Nelsons.

I am from living in fear,
and abandonment.  From,"You're like him."
And luckily from, "You weren't MEANT to fit in."

I am from the cross and communion, and then
realizing I cannot see his face in nature's mirror.
With my own reflection being distorted by the glass.

I am from Illinois, and Scandinavian blood...
From potato soup and at times, nothing.
I am from her absence, and how fast she left.

I am from burnt up, few remaining, and rare pictures.
I am from toys I once collected, now melted.  The pillow
I had now gone.

I am from the feeling I had a consumerists mark
on the world, but my impression is more.  More than
toys or things, I have who I am.  My memories.

I have my worth.

Hush wind
Leaves be still
Birds desist!
What's your problem?
Babbling brook
That includes you!
I'm listening!
Sunlight on my face
Stop distracting me!
No I don't want another sandwich!
Thank you.
Stop kissing me!
Stop loving me
For a minute.
There it is!
Listen! There!
The emergency siren!
I'm sure it is
Thank God!
Another poor soul has been saved.

Entirely
          Speculation
This
               Reticulation
Of
           Earthly
Desires
               Making
Longing looks
        Over
Waters
             Shuddering
Anything
             But what
It was
               Only
Waves

When I saw you
For the first
time
In spring, as flies scurried
Life had new meaning
I felt I could begin again
From that stillness I had buried
When you left my life unkept
The vast valley stared back at me
But that new leaf never turns brown again
Even in an ocean that has dried
Covered by your arms like a vale
Open wide before sunrise
This is where I go to die
Under the shadow and rain
All under your subtle veil