I woke up 30 minutes earlier
than usual
with a bladder of **** about
to explode out of me.
An entire 12 pack in one night,
that **** again.
Nothing new.
Not even hungover.

I lost my mind over some stupid
****,
childish ****, crazy-type ****,
and sat bare-*** on the
bathroom floor at 6:30 in the morning
with my ***** resting on the
cold wooden (and new, I might add) floor.

It's stupid, I knew that,
and still do,
but it's definable and measurable
and if it's measured,
to me,
it's real.
As anything.

I sat on that floor
and felt my converter kicking on.
You know,
that mechanism that takes ****
and turns it into gold?

I know it's stupid,
but forgive me for being honest,
or don't.
Fling **** at me,
do it,
******* do it
****.

Talk to others
if that's what you want to do,
is that how that works?
I don't actually know.
Unfounded? Maybe.
But that's only part of it.

Time is precious.
If I'm not worth yours,
how can I give you mine?
That's ok.
Fine.
That's the real issue.
Forget it.

My **** converter is on,
I know where all of these
energies go,
I know how this goes for me.

Awakened by whispers from a friend
On the other side of the earth.
He perhaps forgot how time
Lacks to treat us the same.
He was bouncing from
One classroom to the other,
I was in my bed
Sweat drenched in my dreams.

I tried to muffle his scream
But he yelled louder,
Bloodshot eyes, I spoke,
Careful not to wake my mother.
I asked and asked if he was alright,
I was afraid he was thinking up
The actions I almost followed.
I asked him again
If he was fine,
He replied with a "good morning",
I said "goodnight".

My head was thumping too hard
I knew the morning would begin
With my weekly dose of migraine.
He called me back,
I asked again if he was alright,
It's 3 **** clock in the morning,
I would sleep if he was fine.

He acclaimed that I lied,
"I was hurt so I was up
Or else I would never have taken his call"
He said. I sighed,
He couldn't hear.
I told I would be back in two hours,
I wished he would rest
Get his head straight.

He acclaimed that I lied,
I wasn't gonna sleep,
I was traumatized,
He asked again if I was fine,
I replied "relatively".
I wondered what I meant,
He didn't ask to clarify,
I declared I am going to sleep.
I lied.

I was up till past 4,
My alarm set to 5,
I would speak to him then I resolved,
He could do with not killing himself
For two hours I analysed.
I slept for minutes 45
I called but he was gone.

I tried to decipher my strange dreams.
It was about the dogs
Chasing me,
The fear I always have.
I try never to think of love,
In my dream I had no way out,
That was when he had called.

I reminisce now
Was he looking for me to save him,
Or did he save me?

everyone has a secret, a simple fact they don't
want anyone to know. some strange some long,
some crazy, some little. everyone had a secret,
so easy to yell, to break that spell of curiosity,
turned to hell. everyone has secrets of lost and tell.

I was caught in your gaze again
one that if you trace I look away.
a gaze that no one caught except my heart,
oh how my heart skips a beat then races to
catch up. how your smile lifts me up when my tears
drown me out. oh how your words comfort me even
when they aren't to me at all. how your gaze that i'm still
stuck in a maze, until you meet and smile till the next day
ill stick like this for a while.