I am in love with
the winter,
like I am in love
with you.

I am in love with
chills down my spine,
and I am in love with the cruel.

(My heart,
it stays open
only to be frozen,
but nevertheless,
I can breathe.)

I am in love with
the way the snow melts,
a chemical transfer of heat.

I am in love with
the way summer felt,
But winter is bitter, like me.

you will go your way
despite my protests
no use lamenting
what was never promised
the sun rides low the horizon
soon it will not clear the treetops
storms gather in the northern sea
needled wind to scattered seed
hoary frost on yellowed grass
dark leaves in mirrored puddles
a suspended death
crystalline and indeterminate
there is no fire hot enough
to stave off the first chill
of a careless winter
the numb hibernating sleep
soft gray melting days
the desperate wish
to regain summer

Solitude,
The extension of my body,
Living at the end of my fingertips,
Eating me alive.

Solitude,
The friend I've had for years,
The only one to wipe my tears
As I die in my sleep.

Solitude,
Oh, Solitude,
The one who never leaves,
Never disappears,
The one I'll always have
Here, with me.

Solitude,
In the darkest corners of my mind
I will always find you
loving me, caressing me.

Solitude,
Oh, Solitude...
My one and only


Solitude

I feel like I want to wither and die.
I can not live out this life anymore;
There's too much pain, that rattles to the core.
I can not live out this life anymore.

I feel like I want to wither and die.
My parents, they don't ever understand,
This suffering I've come to bear in hand.
My parents, they don't ever understand.

I feel like I want to wither and die.
My friends and I have gone seperate ways.
And I've been stuck on mine for many days.
My friends and I have gone seperate ways.

I feel like I want to wither and die.
My job is a cycle not worth the call.
Its too much to bear, I am bound to fall.
My job is a cycle not worth the call.

I feel like I want to wither and die.
My body grows weaker, my income does not.
My mother had died, left me here to rot.
My body grows weaker, my income does not.

I feel like I want to wither and die.
I'm on my deathbed, nothing left to think.
Sickness had snatched me, and left me to sink.
I'm on my deathbed, nothing left to think.

I feel like I want to wither and die.
My heart is slower, my body goes numb.
My eyes are watery, I feel so dumb.
My heart is slower, my body goes numb.

I feel like I want to wither and die.
Second thoughts, my mind is always hearing.
My death will come, and already nearing.
Second thoughts, my mind is always hearing.

I feel like I want to wither and die.
Yet here in the end, I still want to live!
My heart is racing, anything I'd give!
Yet here in the end, I still want to live!

I still want to live!

She was here
Again last night,
She shows up
In my dreams;
She slipped her arm
In mine, held tight,
And called me
By my name.
I can't say for sure,
You know what dreams are like,
But I felt her here,
As if awake,
How I love the night.

This room—not his
nor the house, the yard
Though a placard bares his name
it slides out
at a moment’s notice
when the waiting ends
when his old hand stops—
twirling, mindless against the loving quilt

This house-- the same
but different
from a distance
He should be sitting in this still life
an old Sachem
on his lawn chair

This garage—where I stand
still his, strangely

Patient tools
Cherry Chevrolet wait
with work gloves resting...
Cannot bring myself to touch
where his hands last laid them
As if to move a thing
would **** the matrix of the man

His moment rushing toward me....

I can hear their whispers now
Leaves, once forbidden
have gathered in his absence
tangled in his hedges
nestled by the stairs
Chattering together—

“Man with the rake—no longer comes”

On mornings like this, I have pressing things
on my mind - digging and weeding, uncovering things
I lay here thinking of that time last spring
wandering the green fields, or in the canyon lands
under a skyful of blue, and I can't seem to move
cannot rise from this bed, I play records
spinning round my head, I play records on repeat
the bittersweet of you and me.

i'll cuddle you longer,
i'll answer you faster,
i'll hold your hand,
i won't pester.

i'll speak softer,
i'll laugh sweeter,
i'll make candy for dinner,
i'll cover you in glitter.

i'll tell you more stories,
and hug you tighter,
i'll scare all of the monsters ,
for you i'm a fighter.

i'll break all the things,
that make you sad,
let's play hide and seek,
get up already from that bed.

.

The first time I kissed you

was the most amazing moment
in my entire life

and I would have held it
just a little while longer

if only I had known

it would

also be the last time

Just because I don't cut,
Doesn't mean I'm not suicidal,

Just because my blodd doesn't run red,
Doesn't mean I wake up breathing,

Just because the skies are clear,
Doesn't mean rain can't be just around the corner.