I place him on the chair
Took the kitchen knife
*******, spraying in the air
I stabbed and stabbed till there was no more to be done
The doll he screamed, he screamed but could not run
I felt the pain with each piercing stab
I felt the loss, as the knife I quickly tossed

The neighbors heard such horrible noises
They called the cops, thinking oh the voices
In that crazy ones head, we should have seen
He had wild eyes and born he should not have been

The police came to see little old me
Broke the door in a rush they seemed to be
They saw the blood, they saw the horror
Yet they saw no victim, only a mirror in the corner

I was not dead
Not even close
I removed my soul and placed him on the chair there
Stabbing all night in the thin thin air
There was no crime, no serial killer
Only me
Stabbing my soul, over and over and over

it was so
easy
to love you
the way you
were..

the way we
were..

just..
a breath
away
from heaven

when our eyes
were
closed
hell was no where
to be found

*and yet
we fell
anyway

is this the final drop, slowly. not the white

wind blown kind that raises spirits.     this

is due to a colder day, early morning      five

below.



maybe this or a lack of adrenaline       caused

it, the coming together of years           which

slowly pass.



shadows of birds. dust motes in air.



marmalade toast.



is this the final drop?



sbm.

Thanks to you I can hear what I think,
And thanks to that my sanity bleeds.
So because of my thoughts I'll have to drink
To wash away all of my bad deeds.
I can't take my depressing thoughts,
The darkness takes me in and tells me what I'm not;
It's the light that screams forget me not,
I guess I'm not who I thought.
The lack of sight is from the lack of light,
The voices in my head thrive at that time.
I’ve never been a fan of the night,
Or a fan of this stupid, every other line rhyme.
The cause of my mind’s insanity,
Is the darkness in which I live and breathe
It’s slowly killing me,
And causing me to lose my sleep
With no hope to carry on;
But along with my sleep, in the endless night I weep;
There's no where I can find to belong.
I find peace within my misery;
The darkness will always take over,
It will take all of my sanity, every part of me,
But it's the light that keeps me mentally sober;
There is hope, because the darkness always comes to an end,
And the black of the night will give me up.
The light I will depend,
The darkness it will disrupt .
The light reminds me of who I am.
It's the dark that I will always fight,
Until the night swallows me whole again,
I’ll have to depend on the light.

There's a first time for everything, I guess

My initiation to the cult of harm came last night
After I'd made sure everyone had gone to bed
Crept over by the window and moonlight
Placed my arm on the altar in front of me
Mechanically, efficiently swabbing it with alcohol
Scent sterile
For even in this, I will hold onto the pretense of a rationalist

I deride myself, tell myself I'm just going through with it because it's what people would expect from the depressed
That I could stop myself easily and so it's my fault if I don't
But god, I want to lose control so badly

The needle skitters across my skin and I shiver
It dances swirls along my arm
You don't need blood and scars for pain

It scrapes angrier against my skin
And a blissful silence pierces my head
As my own voice fades from between my ears

It's a trance-like happiness
A closed-eyed, fluttering-lashes smile
A beautiful pain throbbing, bringing me back to myself
I could have stayed up hours on that one taste of losing control
But this was just an initiation so I dragged myself away

There's not a trace the next day
Except in my mind where I hunt for all acceptable forms of pain
Push on your bruises, a friend advised
Pencil tips, pens

I stop myself
I resist
I said I wasn't going down this path

I'm on my own in August, I only have to make it to then
Then help, so no more of this

I wait until everyone falls asleep again
And though I am exhausted, stumble toward the moonlight
Sterilize, needle in hand, ready to dance

I refuse to go any farther, I tell myself

Death laughs from inside my head
Baby steps he snickers and
Isn't that what you said last time, doll?

There's a first time for everything after all

I won't,
I reassure the needle tracing kisses across my skin.
I'm fine.

Stories that never had a voice
Spoken in hushed tongue

                    we

Loves that are forgotten
Brought again back

                   we are

Laughter echoes
the halls of the mind

                       all

Turmoil and hate
Forever near

                   all we are

Tears sit
In the waiting room

                        left

Longing teeters
On the edge of lips

                      voiceless

The warmth of breath
Crystallizes in the air between

All we are left with
a voiceless
                  *symphony