My heart feels like it's holding its breath.
Like a two year old mid tantrum
and blue in the face,
knowing it can't
hold out
much longer.

You can't even imagine
Right now what I'm going through
You can't even see
Half the things
I'm hiding from you
I force myself to smile
I tell myself I'm fine
I force myself to say
"Hello. I'm great. How are you dear, how is life?"
I can see through your eyes your having a rough time
I push my own feelings aside
And encourage you to spill yours out.
I can feel your heartache
I can help you to heal
I love doing that
Hey. :)
But that's because I know what's it like not having anyone
Who could understand
Or would even want to try
I force myself to smile
I tell myself I'm fine
Better days are coming
Why not help this hurting heart first, see the light
So I sit there, hurting along with you
Understanding everything you say
And wondering there should be something I could do
For you,
For you.
Not realizing that I have done enough,
Just sit'en here hurting with you
Listening to what you got to say
Meant the world to you.
Now you feel better
The clouds have gone
You see the light.
And some how, a little, I, do, too.
I force myself to smile
I tell myself I'm fine
Better days are coming.
I know I'll be alright.
Why not help this hurting heart see the light.
"Hello. I'm great. How are you dear, how is life?"
4/18/15

.
An Echo* asks “where have you been?”
and my reply is heart and truth.

I have thought of you for centuries,
I have conceived of you for millennia,
Patiently building you for aeons,
and I have died for you every second.

For I sit frozen in my cave of sorrow,
wrapped in a blanket of burning ice.
Constructing you in my waiting dreams,
a raging fire in the coldest of prisons.

That is where I have always been,
where I am, and will forever be.
Until the hour you step beyond fear
and the moment you look at me.


© Pagan Paul (16/12/16)

Subtle changes in the night
Now the stars are not so bright
And the moon declines to shine
The way it used to do

Where once I felt warmth
Now I feel only emptiness
Emanating towards me
And I believe that I'm past caring

And in the face of negligence
A heart merely becomes feral
With the loveless it is gone
Needing nothing and wanting none
It is gone
Far gone

                         By Phil Roberts

poetry eludes, hides where I cannot go
leaves me bereft, mourning in stale clothes
black as night unable to find my way
my mind closed up, a crab in its shell,
the tide washes in and the Sun rises
but no Sea or Sun touches my rag worn soul.

I tell her that tomorrow
Slides slowly to meet my
Familiar night.

That the changes are few
And subtle. I am OK, I say,
Face still cold from last night's

Pavement.
Truth is I'm terrified.
Heartbroken and soaked in

Myself, clinging to the past with
One hand, fighting its demons
With the other. Terrified.

Embracing my inner
Earthling. Loathing it.
Terrified. Loving it.

I used to think I was only human.
Now I
Know.

We would sneak on your rooftop during every thunderstorm
Watch raindrops kiss our flannels closer  together before we knew just how powerful the clouds could be

Lightning cracked
And just like that
It's Wednesday morning
This ceiling fan drowns out that wet pitter patter as I sit up in bed
Estimating how much water these bodies can hold
I tell myself the rain here settles down better than I do

I close my eyes
Pretend every droplet becomes another letter you sent for me
Pretend my silence now is just as deafening as my silence then
And the skies rip open
Your voice drips down my window pane onto my carpet
Asks me one last time for an answer

So I just want you to know
When we grabbed our hearts and became the flood
I thought we would be free
This nefarious rubble is all that's left
And now you're gone

I haven't slept much since I left
Most nights I stand at my window and wait for the wind to greet me
If I stand close enough, I can spot the stream behind my bedroom here
The sound it makes at night frightens me

In my darkness fear and panic flooding in.
I wait for a hand in the dark
As the night grinds me up.
No glimmer of rescue.
The darkness is like a heavy blanket
weighing me down.
Battling it like an angry animal so many endless nights.
No tender kindness, no loving embrace.
One failed rescuer lost to my heart forever.
Offered some comfort attempt.
Floating his boat in that harbor of dread.
But I am lost at sea, my legs dangle as bait for sharks that tear at my flesh as my life
force ebbs from my soul.
Cling cling to the rocks the thoughts screech
inside my skull....cling or it will swallow you!!

Bpeterson