Have you ever just wanted to eat sugar straight from the bag?
To open your mouth wide and pour?
Not stopping for air.
But gasping for more --

Sometimes I have these cravings,
galore --

Your name just appeared on my screen...
I didn't write it and you didn't call ==
I hadn't seen it for a while, I haven't thought of you for longer.

It came from a misspelt word: a bunch of odd letters scrambled together trying to form coherency.
What it brought back were memories much;
Memories of our time together, which in the moment felt thrilling, exhilarating and reckless ==

For a long while since, I've been reflecting, refracting and returning ==
I now understand you were like my father,  trying again to have control over me;
You were unresolved emotions, actions and words ==
Things I was not conscious of.

Now, more adept at decoding subliminal thoughts and actions,
I want to push you right back, from the darkness whence you came.

It wasn't the freeze that took my breath away, 
this morning, it was this memory of you ==
A cloak of chains that spoke.
I want to shake it off and run free, far from your memory ==
Like a babe in the Garden of Eden
not knowing the evil that surrounded them.
But I'm not losing a single hair to care
that life is not fair.
Just enjoying the freedom == 

I don't know what you want from me,
That you prompt me with this memory ==
I don't know what you expect,
Demanding reciprocity,
Obliterating my freedom, when you extracted,
All the foundations of connection.
and thresholds of compassion.
All the holdings of collaboration.
Leaving nothing but destruction.

Some men
get knocked down far too easily.
They're as solid
as a sandcastle when the air is breezy.

Are we now a world
where our values do not matter?
They beg for coin,*
but deliver poisonous words that shatter --

I am not a "man hater"
I am desperate to find,
Men who can stand the test of time,
And know and whence speak their mind --

But all I see are puppets --
tied to the TikTok
Of public opinion that changes every season,
dancing to the worthless tune run amok --

A voice of melody broke the numbness,
‘Good morning everybody, have a great day,”
Light in the darkness
Love in aloneness
A witness in the masses.
Small acts are noticed —
I receive your love.

I went to bed last night
With a little square of chocolate,
And woke up with
chocolate sheets --

We transition in-and-out of moments;
In and out of life,
In and out of lives.

Sometimes, we transition with ease,
With poise,
With grace.

Sometimes, we transition with wounds;
Defences up —
And ready to attack before they hurt you back.

I am scared right now,
And my defences are wall high;
Self-imprisonment —
So that I don't get hurt,
But I'm hurting in here, all alone.

I am sitting here:
On a bright Winter’s day,
Squinting into the sunshine,
Seeing the sparrows climb
The fences, trees, rooftops and leaves,
And I ponder --
Have I lost my “mojo”?!
I am feeling flat; my ego’s splat
Against the wall of hope;
Have I run out of things to say?
Have I no whim enough to dance and play
With letters and words, sentences and phrases?
Is this it?!
Have I lost my “Po-Jo”?
Do I need to get up and shake my "J-Lo?"
Or "Bon-Bon" if you're more a Ricky Martin fan!

I owned the streets this morn,
like darkness owned the night.
And with each step, I owned the street
like winter owned the grass;
tight and stealth,
sleek, powerful and full of wealth,
as I walked those streets,
I reclaimed my health,
as I walked those streets,
I reclaimed my  voice,
as I walked those streets
I told MN who was in charge --
not her or any other man or woman!

Sparse cars slipped past like whispers of the fog,
their gas fumes slid into the clouds: no beginning and no end.

And Blackbirds, oh Blackbirds,
You were my lagging escort this morn,
You sat still, like frozen shadows
too cold to move and too scared to be seen.

What has come of those days,
That I longed to pass?
What have come of those days,
Now that I long wish they last’d?

I take you everywhere I go
I take you everywhere, slow.

The sun sets to sleep,
The last of its rays reach the backs of the sheep.

From golden sun,
To rose-red set.

What's left of the turquoise blue sky,
Humming out its lullaby.

The cows mo(O)ve us on,
And the roadside trucks rattle strong;
Carrying next night meals to the city gone.

I take you everywhere I go,
Searching high and low.

You're all around, this I know.

Slices through heat 
Similar to "Singer" sewing scissors on lace
Destabilising --
Equilibrium 
With a casual, cool, calm, collectedness,
As if nothing could 
Pierce its particles;
Ruffle its feathers,
Unsync its code.

Sunrise, breaking
Is like a distant friend
Returning
From a long sojourn.

I just had a flash,
An image that's come to mind...
of little (me) bek (lb) splashing
knee-deep in puddles,
in the grey shallows of rain clouds
that's me...
always seeking,
searching for something in the gallows;
in the ebb-n-flow of life.

Sure
constantly o'er searching
for who I'm meant to be —
always peering, hoping,
that they'd pick me —

but

then

A ray of light dawns,
Someone peeks behind
the curtain, pulls me
out from the shadows

What I've been dreamin' of?! —

I freeze —
like a deer in sight

And I try to shrink
back in slight.

I discombobulate
self-destruct.

I don't know how to act this part out —

How can I move forward, be lb in the sunlight?

Gently, and lovingly, accepting that I am alright...