i know you're hurting.
deep inside
your soul is yearning
and the only things that runs through your mind like
a brake~less train on tracks
are reckless ways of ending your life.
reckless ways of forfeiting this fight.
you say you won't give up
but then you double~check
and realize
you just might...
sigh
do you ever dream of dying while you're wide awake?
do you ever sit back and wonder
when and how fate will finally take..
when fate will finally take you?
i know that feeling..
that feeling of loss
hope
remorse
grief
bipolar
guilt
shame
screams and sighs
i know..
i know how this feels..
the heartbreak,
the feeling that your life will forever
be lived in shame.
which life am i living?
the one i was born into?
.....
or the life I'm ****** to live?
....
*thinks

I pulled out the bottle
And the familiar glint
Glowed in my eyes.
I took a sip
And then another.
One sip
Two sip
And then another
I felt myself slip
And start to go under.
The yelling
The screaming
It all went away
Everything was reversed
And so was the pain.
I didn't see the glass crack
As I clenched it tight.
All I saw was the trippy neon lights.
I thought the sight was pretty and I wanted it more,
But I didn't know that it was blood dripping on the floor

everyday it's like i'm playing the same film
over and over
and over again.
my days are filled with me sinking
in shame
and the happiness that I feel..
well,
ha,
they're actually just ads
that are posted as trailers right before the actual movie starts.
the story of a 16 year old with a hidden life of parental abuse
substance abuse,
alcoholic abuse,
filling in the empty spaces that aren't filled with flashbacks of a past life
a life of how i actually died.
a past life where i actually used to smile
and had a reason to LIVE that smile
instead of just WEARING IT all the time.
none of these labels actually fit my demeanor..
*****
****
*****
drunk
kiss~***
smart~***...
ha,
if only society decided to look through a mirror
instead of a telescope
they'd actually be able to see
what the effect of us is...
the downfall of us all..
we are slowly becoming extinct and~~
sorry once again ive gotten off track.
enjoy the show

I wanted to have
all the answers,
but in the end
she didn't
need answers
as much
as she needed
someone
who would
listen.

i try to hide
the pink of my *******
but my hands are too small
as one is covered
the other is exposed

(is there any point trying
to protect
this still purple heart of mine?)

i take refuge in the bunker
from wandering eyes
my skin it burns
like heated orange flames
from their gaze

my soles are busted black
from running so long, so far
my shoulders are browned
from fighting the sun

i am looking for a corner
i am looking for a hole:
dark solace

as a child i imagined my maidenhood
to be a pretty pure pink
but now my thigh are rubbed raw
and red drips down the white canvas
i am so tired

i wonder if the little spark of yellow youth
remains hidden deep within me

maybe if i follow the tunnel inside
i will find a reason to no longer hide

my struggle is coming to an end
as they catch up to me
i see the little green of burnt meadows
it empties into the stagnant blue of the murky waters

instead of giving in,
i give up.

into the blue-green i fall:
deep
deep
deeper yet still;

the rainbow blooms
the sky is clear
*i am gone.

A gentle zephyr
But,
No grass stirs,
No green,
No sun,
but yet I'm warm.
No movement but
the beat of my heart.
Yet I'm alone in
The bed of roses,
And field of peonies.
No clouds to break the
Illusions of peace.
Its all just a
Hallucination of tranquillity
Or phenomenons of the heart.