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when your screams were loud enough to shake my happiness off the walls,
when your fist raised more than the hairs on my neck,
when your eyes became empty as the walls that you shook, when your hands were so rough I wondered if they had ever held me at all,
when my room was involuted, when my soul shrunk back in on itself, I moved on
If we take the same bite at the same time with the same *** is it plagiarism?
Today I tried to die
Wrinkled my nose up at life
काला साया

एक काला साया प्रवेश कर गया, उसके हसते खेलते घरमे ।

पता नहीं चला किसीको तब, क्यों की था वो एक दुल्हन के बेस् में

उस बेटे के लिए तो यह कहावत सच निकली; "शादी या बरबादी"

बस कुछ दिनों में ही छीन गई उस हसते खेलते घरकी आबादी ।

दूल्हे को पूरे वश में कर लिया; फिर आयी देवरों  की बारी ।

ननंद और सास को पहले अलग कर दिया पती से;
बारी बारी;

फिर देवरों पे लगाया निशान; कोशिश रही लगातार जारी ।

कुछ सालोमें, पती को बना दिया गुलाम; हार बिचारे ने मानी

सब हार गए, बिल्कुल अकेला बिचारा हो गया, नगरी थी अनजानी

दूर कहीं जा के खो गया;  मां ने प्राण त्यागे, बहन राखी न बांध पाई ।

काले साये ने उनकी हसी खुशी सब छीन ली; संग उसके वो कालिख लाई ।

दुल्हन के रुप में, खुशी खुशी आया; और फिर, सिर्फ दर्द लाया ।

दुआ कीजिए, कभी कोई घर में आए न ऐसा काला साया ।

Armin Dutia Motashaw
I .
I saw the past flee from me
Leaving puddles of memories -
( memories of sadness , salt and pepper , bread and butter ) -
How close we were together
The Glenn Iris in September

II .
The ocean swelled and crashed on the rocks
We made love not unlike the sea
The winter was cold , frozen in love
Then she chose to leave
All my seed fell frozen
All my dreams winter bare

For February fallen
March ascending
Long frozen tears
soft wails , shivering chills
For the stars out tonight
are older than first love
have endured through the void and cold
and comes to me soft in comfort

IV .
There will be new dawns
There will be healing
There will be a new song
New hope and heart ,
as long as the Irish pipes play and wooden flutes . . .
. . . as long as there are walks at the end of the day
Secret gardens where little girls play . . .
As long . . .only as long . . .

V .
I drape the sadness like a quilt about me and dwell on being small
I'm not saying I'm overwhelmed ,
not saying I'm understood
Just saying a robin is
a promise on a snow covered lawn

VI .
Too much in the band
Standing on a corner downtown
Walking in the surf's foam
early one summer's morn
A train whistle  blows forlornly in a dream I have
Someone has been coming for me all these years

Was it all wasted ?
Was it something more than we know ?
A cup of tea in the morning
On the table lie the lines of rhyme . . .
and some time . . .
the supreme enigma
 Jul 28
You can’t say no, to a question that you were never asked.
 Jul 19
today I shopped, I shopped because the pounds had dropped. Sunk to the bottom of my ghost town stomach. Melted out of my sunken eyes, dripped from my cracked lips.

The changing room lights accentuated the rolls and zig zags in my stomach. The lighting strikes and scars that the battle at the dinner table left behind.
I feel like I’ve lost nothing but hope
 Jul 11
Dark n Beautiful
How to make yourself happy
compose a poem
and called it poetry,

let your inspiration comes
from that day, that time, that hour

when you felt sad:
then whisper to yourself
Good, golly miss molly
I can breathe again:
 Jun 23
Walking on eggshells but the eggshells are made of glass

Could you tell the difference between my lips and the bottles'?

I tell people I barely know that you're my soulmate

My entire vocabulary has been replaced with different ways to say I’m sorry

I keep messages from when you were happy to convince myself that it’s worth it

I can't tell if you were ever truly happy or if it was the *******

The highs and lows of drugs and *****

Maybe you couldn’t hear “no” through the drunkenly slurred love songs

Maybe you thought love meant yes, always

I've left people for the idea that you can even feel love

Can you even feel love?
Thankful for people over the years who helped me to see just how bad my situation was.

Just a mini update: I’m doing exponentially better as of late ❤️
 Jun 23
I always found freedom in movement
In the midst of steps
Whether from music
Or from the occurrence of those around
In moments of reflection,
I liked to think I was dancing

I moved in between these sequences
Fixed in the rules of performance
Unable to think past this choreography
Never able to make my own
But I felt it only appropriate
To move as others did

One step forward
A slight sway to the left
Another turn to my right
And back
And back

It was under this prison of routine
I found myself in
As in every other time
But something changed in these steps
As in now when I moved towards the next
You stood in my wake

I knew how different you were, placed to my standing
You worried nothing of such structure
Taking these movements as yours
Away from those who claimed their fluidity
Why you would ever take an interest in my polarized side
Quite the oxymoron; I still can’t fathom

Yet there you were
Everywhere I moved
Forcing me to look past these fixtures
Stepping past their simplicities
To find aspects I had thought foreign to me
You showed me how wrong I was in this definition of ‘freedom’

One step forward, now two
A sway left, although now with your hand in mine
A counter to the other side
Now with the opposing hand
The most complete connection
At least that’s what it felt to me

Now that I think of that time
There were changes greater than I could focus on
Besides those most immediate
I realize I never did step back
Perhaps the most significant change
As I haven’t since
 Apr 27
Sarah Michelle
The wind tries to control our ribbons.
They blow across the dirt,
Not quite light enough to be lifted,
And they crawl at our feet,
Whispering of our potential
Trying to break our defenses
With their mouthless words.
The ribbons want to tie us together
In a pretty bow, on top of a big,
Materialistic present,
But we are only as vulnerable
As the expensive electronic inside.

Sometimes they don’t make a bow,
But weave around our ankles
And up our thighs,
Pressing our hips together,
A group hug of sorts.
We no longer know how to fight,
But we do the closer we get,
And we can’t decide whose
Fault this is.

We can blame metaphors or love,
But either way, we are just too
Knotted together,

Our only weapons blunt scissors.
We try to tear ourselves away
Whilst making out.
How many of us are there?
It’s hard for me to tell--
I push one away and begin kissing another,
But they are all just friends--
Or friendly acquaintances?

Maybe it’s just me the ribbons have *******
And everyone else just happened to be there
When they did.
 Apr 26
We all have thoughts that linger, drift in and out of thoughtfulness. Behind and in front of every atom that pieced together our brain. Incomplete jigsaw, rotating merry go round. Fill in the missing puzzle pieces. You

Left handed, back flipping, cat having, black haired, brown eyed boys

We all have thoughts that linger, drift in and out of thoughtfulness. Behind and in front of every atom that pieced together our brain. Incomplete jigsaw, rotating merry go round. Fill in the missing puzzle pieces. Me

Left handed, double jointed, dog having, blond haired, blue eyed girls
Think on it
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