i can see you wanting to ask me why i'm tired
i can see your mouth moving to tell me why i'm not supposed to be
when you get on average four hours of sleep, because work gets in the way

let me just say that i was drifting ,but then
when i laid down i knew it was all wrong
and something inside of me burst into flames
like my bed was an ashen chrysalis and i was a phoenix
turning into something that was cliche beautiful and tragic
(disgusting, i hate it, i'm burning and it hurts my wings)
i was sitting up and laying down, screeching
screaming like no one can hear me as the music in my head
becomes a jet plane roaring, the plane they're leaving me on
soon they tore beyond the stars and i was grounded,
sunken in and i could feel the water move beneath me
taking me away but i couldn't just leave,
my eyes couldn't droop just yet, not until we were reunited
(******* selfish, greedy heart, the rivers cried)
my mind opened the floodgate and there you were
and i wailed for you
and for him
and for her
for the common man and my tortured soul
(not nearly legitimate enough for me to be up at this sorry hour)
i stood to turn on the light and look in the mirror
and all i saw was something etched into my skin
tiny paintings on my airbrushed surface hiding ugly, ugly mountains
so i soothed myself with knowing that soon it would be over
and i brought myself to thinking that i'd be starlight and wonder
but i grew terrified of the void and so there i hid
beneath the cotton sheets in the comforting black
dreaming and exploding, a nova in the darkness until sunlight
when the moon shone lower (but in it i saw no new day)

i can talk only with my eyes, but it will be okay
you can't see the leftover light in them anyway

i'm cutting the necklines out of my t-shirts
in the middle of the night i'll snap fingers in my teeth
i can live with bad feelings (we all do) i can live
with busted knees
my floors are water and cover ups. i can live
with missing teeth
there have been worse things in my hands i'm cutting tape right off my skin
(I FEEL LIKE HELL OH MY GOD)
we all do
i can live with bad feelings we can live
through bad dreams
this is the time when we all sit down. cut war wounds down our jeans
you bring the heat and i'll think how much worse i used to be

The familiar taste of nicotine
In your breath
Excites me
Maybe because I'm
Taking one step
closer to cessation
Every Time our lips meet,
But you're the bad
habit that haunts me in my sleep.